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bad at something, cursed forever?

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • August 18, 2017 at 6:07 am #164526
    JD
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    Thanks for reading this.

    I know I am a lucky person and I am very grateful for this.

    I also know my problem could be seen as minor or superficial and I understand that.
    However this problem is upsetting me a lot because it’s ruined the joy in something I used to like doing. I have tried to figure this out on my own but haven’t been successful.

    So here goes.

    I like to go surfing. For the last 5 years I’ve had some great times and surfed reasonably.

    Recently a thought came into my head and it’s made me really unhappy.

    I remembered when I was young and in high school I was the worst surfer. I could barely even ride a wave. This went on for about 2 years. I wasted so many waves and must have looked like an idiot or a pest to spend so much time doing something I was a joke and terrible at.

    For some reason it feels like all that time I spent being crappy at something means anything I do now doesn’t matter because I am just crap.

    I hate this feeling, I don’t even want to surf anymore because of it which is concerning because surfing meant a lot to me.

    Even though I have got to a high level at it , since this thought came into my head i feel like I don’t deserve to be out there surfing because I was so crap at it for so long and it doesn’t matter if I ever catch a good wave i will always be a joke.

     

    August 18, 2017 at 10:47 am #164594
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear JD:

    Around the time when the thought occurred to you, that you were crappy at surfing in high school and you should not be surfing anymore because you were crappy at it then (even though you have surfed reasonably well in the last five years), what was going on outside surfing?

    Perhaps in the workplace or in relationships, if any?

    anita

    August 19, 2017 at 8:31 pm #164790
    Hana L
    Participant

    Hi JD,

    You’ve gotten to a high level of surfing despite the start where you could barely ride a wave. It has taken you some years to get to where you currently at with surfing. That’s a great thing – you’ve progressed! It’s a sport you love, and you have gone through many waves, be it good or (what you felt) poor attempts at surfing in order to get better.

    You may be harsh on yourself because you have expectations of yourself. Maybe it’s also seeing a peer who started out surfing the same time you have, and has gotten to a higher level you have (this I speak from personal experience, not surfing, though). Or you may have had a trainer who also told you that ‘you would never surf well’?

    I have bad days where I question what I’m doing, if I’m doing the right thing with ‘wasting my life’ and sacrificing things I valued to get to where I am today. On those days, I acknowledge my negative feelings, and be kinder on myself. I also have good days where I feel like I can make a difference to what I’m doing, and I want to improve more.

    We all have days like that, and you’re not alone.

    I think you are trying to improve on your surfing, and you might feel frustrated because it feels like you’ve hit a wall somewhere. Don’t give up.

    H

     

     

    August 20, 2017 at 11:49 am #164828
    Peter
    Participant

    Sorry I don’t follow your logic.

    In the past your skill level was crap, today your skill level has improved, but because it was crap in the past today’s experience of skill no longer matters?

    When I was a baby was was crap at walking, pretty much crap at everything needed to take care of myself. When I first started dancing I was crap after years of practice my skill level has improved. Should I stop walking or enjoying dancing because when I started I was crap?

    What ever has gotten you down isn’t about surfing skill, past or present. When you were struggling to learn a new skill did something else happen to you that you are now projecting onto you surfing. The surfing now triggering a unconscious memory of the a past situation that you now how to deal with

     

    August 24, 2017 at 11:06 pm #165548
    JD
    Participant

    Thanks to Anita, Hana L and Peter for replying.

    I appreciate it.

    i suppose the best way to explain it is I feel like there are two people who are totally different and really not the same person. The person I was when I was a teenager and younger who experienced the problems I mentioned above, and the person I have been for the past 5 years or so who was confident, had decent success and was good at something. I don’t know why it hit me all of a sudden, but I just tried to judge myself on the whole picture and that lead to all this doubt. But I guess I just have to accept what it is.

    thanks to everyone again.

     

    best regards.

     

     

    August 25, 2017 at 5:57 am #165560
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear JD:

    I think that what bothered you so much before, when you were not good at surfing, is that people thought badly of you, that you were a joke. That thought, that they think you are a joke, was very painful for you then, and when it reappeared recently, you experienced the same pain. Then you thought the next thought: “it doesn’t matter if I ever catch a good wave i will always be a joke”.

    Who you are is not in what people thought or are thinking about you. People have so many, many thoughts every hour, every day, many random thoughts about millions of things and people. Thoughts are momentary mental events in between one’s ears, not an indication of your identity or worth.

    But we people tend to go about our day judging ourselves according to what other people think of us. We look at another and think: what does he/she thinks of me and while we do that, he or she thinks the same.

    It is what you think that matters, what you think that is sometimes under your control, subject to your choosing. Seems to me that what does define you is that you wanted and still want to be good at something, that desire is true to you. It is good that it is always possible for you to be indeed, good at something.

    anita

    August 25, 2017 at 10:52 pm #165696
    JD
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you very much for the in-depth reply, I will take into account what you wrote, especially the last paragraph.

    Thanks again!

    August 26, 2017 at 8:38 am #165746
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, JD.

    anita

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