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Being a good friend

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  • July 5, 2016 at 2:22 am #108847
    Adrian
    Participant

    I always felt sort of inapt at making friends and maintaining true friendships. I envied people who had a natural talent in this area. You know, those people who don’t have to ask whether they could come to the party. They are naturally invited to join! The people who get calls all the time from their friends because they CARE about them! I always thought: wow, life must be so much better and more fulfilling when you develop this kind of deep relationship with your friends. You will never be alone! Sometimes people say ‘I don’t want more friends’ but I feel it’s just an excuse. Everybody wants to have friends, people who care about you and who appreciate you.

    One year ago I set myself the goal: “I want to become a great friend”. I’ve made big progress, but I still see I could do more and overcome my inner barriers. Anyone feeling the same? What obstacles are keeping you from being a good friend?

    July 5, 2016 at 6:24 am #108856
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi adrian1,

    That is my life! When I was younger I truly thought of myself as a loner who doesn’t like tons of friends. Well, it only took 30 years to realize that if I had scabs of (Real) friends, it’s not like I’d be complaining!!

    I have a few close friends, but those have come through, frankly, time. I have surface-y friends, old friends, new friends and a scant few true friends.

    I wish I knew what to tell you, but it seems the Real Ones come organically and naturally on their own.

    That said, keep up your social life ~ but only if YOU enjoy it!

    Best,

    Inky

    July 5, 2016 at 9:33 am #108869
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear adrian1:

    It may be a very good idea for you to interview “one of those people” you are referring to. If you will, could you post here Q & A of such an interview? I am not one of those people, never was and don’t know of having met them, so I wouldn’t know myself. If you need help with coming up with the Question part, let me know.

    anita

    July 5, 2016 at 10:44 am #108876
    Maria_L
    Participant

    Hello adrian1,

    I was wondering one thing? Does ‘solitude’ and loneliness bother you and scare you? I don’t think you should worry much if you feel fine being on your own, the right friend will show up, I am sure. I was the opposite of you, I had too many ‘friends’, I didn’t even knew how to face the life alone. I found this troubling also, cause as life went by, I realized that many of my friends are not really ‘friends’. Holding on to people just in order to avoid the social isolation, or not to break up some group and circle we have formed was really troubling, too.
    Interesting way to meet people is by sharing a mutual interest.. So join a group, a club, an organisation that feels close to you, and you never know… The first step is the hardest. And smile 🙂 Even when words don’t flow easily, just a simple smile and kindness can be great..

    Are you interested in the topic of body language and ‘non verbal’ communication also? Sometimes if you position yourself in closed and guarded posture (which happens a lot with shy people), you seem less approachable to other people. Do some research on the internet, it can be really helpful…

    So positive attitude, showing genuine interest about some person’s hobby, and keeping an open body language can do wonders.. 🙂 And by then, don’t worry 🙂 Consider yourself lucky if you are comfortable on your own. Many of the people who get called on the parties, and have 2000 fb friends feel lonely among the crowd often…

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