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Being broken up with

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Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 94 total)
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  • May 22, 2018 at 11:02 am #208795
    L
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I’m not sure what to say or even how to say it at this point. I don’t know if I should text Or call. Any advice on what to say or how to go about it? I actually have some of his nice dishes we used for leftovers, I would like to give back. It feels weird just to toss them out.

    He does feel lost to me already. It hurts but it only comes up when I have nothing to do. Which is why my job hasn’t been the best place to be. I have a lot of free time to think there.

    ~L

    May 22, 2018 at 12:51 pm #208813
    Bella
    Participant

    Hi L,

    Sorry you are hurting so much.  I do understand, I am going through the same situation.  First, I will say this before I go any further, this is your life, I would keep my parents and friends out of it, it will only make matters worse.

    Have you contacted him text/phone~  Waiting for a response is so terrible.  Not knowing if he will respond.  Yes, it hurts terribly.  It is easier said than done to move on and put the relationship behind you.  But also, so confusing because it was sudden and you don’t feel the 2 of you actually had a chance to sit down and discuss things.  It was your life to and he didn’t have the right just to end things. (May not be right, but that is how I feel)  I never like hurting anyone in a relationship,  and would always want to let the person know why & what happened to the best of my ability.

    So this just ending the relationship without an explanation on his part it not good, or healthy for you.

    Bella

    May 22, 2018 at 12:56 pm #208815
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear L:

    It may be easier for you to send him an email because unlike a phone call, you have all the time you need to put together an email before sending it and if he replies, you will have plenty of time to read and figure out how to respond. If you want to put together a first draft of an email to him, I can give you my feedback and suggestions.

    It may be a good exercise to put one together here and get my feedback even if you don’t end up sending it to me. Maybe you will become more clear, less lost about it all.

    I will be away from the computer for about fifteen hours. Please take good care of yourself.

    anita

    May 23, 2018 at 8:16 am #208941
    L
    Participant

    Hi Bella,

    I haven’t text or called him. I think about it a lot though, but I don’t know what to say or how to say what I might possibly say. I don’t want to be checking my phone for a text response. Or if I call I don’t want to go straight to voicemail or just left to go to voicemail.

    I would like closure, but reading these blogs, I don’t know that I’ll get it. It just frustrating to think of. I would like to figure things out and keep from thinking about this so much.

    ~L

    May 23, 2018 at 8:20 am #208947
    L
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    Unfortunately, I don’t have his email address. I thought I did, but I only have his phone number to text or call him. I do have his address as well.

    I would like to leave a possibility of a reconciliation open, but I don’t want the pain of rejection and having me hope for any of it, kind of dulls my senses. It makes me sad to think of the negative possible outcome. It’ll just make me think he doesn’t really care or love me like he said over and over while breaking up with me.

    I am doing a bit better, it’s just this option of contacting or not contacting.

    Thank you for helping me work through this.

    ~L

    May 23, 2018 at 9:33 am #208975
    Bella
    Participant

    Hi L

    I spoke with my ex yesterday & it was ok, but not what I expected.  After he left I have had so many mixed feeling & emotions.  I am starting to feel he is just not the one for me & maybe that is best so I can move on.  I totally understand the text & phone call game.  Will they answer, will they text back, constantly checking your phone.  Should I call, will it go to VM, or will they answer, what message do I leave and if I do, will he call back.  It is debilitating & keeps you in a terrible state for most of the day because we are so consumed with looking at our phones.

    I have made the decision, not to text, or call and I have turned sound off, so I don’t hear anything.  It will be my choice to pick up the phone when I need to make a call.  It is almost a relief to put the waiting behind me, at least for now.

    I wish you the best & I hope you make the right decision for you.  This is just what is working for me at the moment~

    Bella

    May 23, 2018 at 9:43 am #208979
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear L:

    You are welcome. Contacting him would have been a good idea for you if you believed that you were able to endure the distress involved in contacting him and waiting for his response. If you believe that the distress involved will overwhelm you, then better you don’t contact him.

    anita

    May 23, 2018 at 11:18 pm #209051
    L
    Participant

    Hi Bella,

    That is exactly what happens to me when it comes to text/call. You described it as if it’s happening to me right now.

    Do you feel better that you were able to talk to him and start to see which way you feel is best for you?

    ~L

    May 23, 2018 at 11:27 pm #209053
    L
    Participant

    Anita,

    I think my anxiety is more on what to say. I’ve been thinking maybe something simple like: Hey are you in town? I’d like to drop off some things of yours.  Or: Hi T, I wanted to see if it might be okay for me to stop by and drop off somethings or yours.

    The thing is I don’t know how to approach the topic of us through a text message without causing him any discomfort.

    Its a hard message to get across through word for without sounding too formal, I’m realizing.

    ~L

    May 24, 2018 at 4:07 am #209085
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear L:

    The messages you thought of texting him read good enough to me, short and practical. If you text that and he does not respond, will you be able to endure the distress of getting no response from him, or the distress regarding any possible response that you may get?

    anita

    May 24, 2018 at 7:23 am #209129
    Bella
    Participant

    Hi L,

    I am getting to the point it is draining the life out of me & I am sick and tired of trying to figure will he call or text back?? Was it something I said or did & didn’t realize the impact it may have had on the relationship?  Who was more at fault? Is he good for me? What issues could have prompted this so sudden?  Did I not see it coming?  Questions~Questions??? It’s so exhausting!!

    I am beginning to think regardless of the answers, it is too exhausting to think about it anymore.  Maybe you are not at that point, but I will say this.  Whenever I have these type of questions I put myself in their shoes, and what would I do?

    Would I be able to just close the door and have no contact after being in a Loving relations? No text~No messages & no contact if I really have feelings for the other person & the answer is clearly NO!!  Look what he is doing, you thought everything was good & he basically vanishes~Could you do that to him with the Love you still have for him?  So, what does it mean since he just walked away with no contact~

    Bella

    May 25, 2018 at 1:20 pm #209405
    L
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I believe I could endure him not responding. I feel a bit numb to this. I would like to try to rekindle something, but I’m realizing if he’s unstable, it will not work. And if he’s unwilling to do anything about it, it will not work. I don’t even have the communication between us to talk about that aspect. Have you heard or read about how it’s best to cut contact for a month? I’ve been reading that a few different places. Any thoughts?

    ~L

    May 25, 2018 at 1:22 pm #209407
    L
    Participant

    Hi Bella,

    Yea, I’ve been thinking a lot about his lack of contact. I don’t know if he’s just stubborn or wants me to initiate the first contact. Or if he is truly over the relationship and what we had.

    I have yet to text or call. How are things on your end?

    ~L

    May 25, 2018 at 1:39 pm #209409
    Bella
    Participant

    Hi L,

    Things are the same, no contact…I feel he is acting like a child.  I have read so many do’s & don’ts to the point I want to pull my hair out.  When we spoke a few days ago I felt o.k with no contact and had decided I didn’t need the drama even though our relationship was 8 yrs.  I am beginning to feel I should just walk away from relationships for a while, which I absolutely have NO interest in at the moment anyway.  It takes so long to open your heart to someone these days, especially, when most men have motives & can’t be trusted.  I don’t know if I want to put the effort in trying to start anything new with another man.  For now, the answer is walk away…

    How are you?

    Bella

    May 25, 2018 at 2:19 pm #209417
    trey
    Participant

    I know how it is,,painful..

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