being lost in life

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This topic has 12 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 9 years ago by Anonymous.

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November 4, 2015 at 7:32 pm #86774

Marcel
Participant

Hi, since english is not my motherlanguage and i haven’t mastered it yet, I will do my best effort and try to sum up my situation so you guys can understand me. I can add some details according to your answers. Thanks beforehand for reading and answering.

I’m 22 years old and i’m from Colombia (south america). I got this -i guess normal at my age- ‘being lost in life’ feeling which has accentuated it since i graduated from college (majored in business). So, after graduating from college, I started to work at my family business and things started to get awful for me. My mom and my uncle (my bosses) are really workaholic. They are fussy, phony and arrogant too, and i first of all, their work rhythm is beyond me, im really not ready for it, it sickens me physically and mentally, and second i cant stand vain phony people. Furthermore, i’m not really sure if i want to continue with my family business. I work there cause i guess its a way to show my gratefulness, because of it i can enjoy a high quality of life in terms of wealth, but sometimes i just cant stand the details of the business and in the other hand it is a big business and i’m alone in this and i’m scared because i think i wont be able to handle it and i dont want to have my moms life (no vacations, no family life).

And finally besides not knowing if i want to follow my family path i dont have another path to consider. I can’t imagine me in a traditional job or even starting my own company, i’ve some skills that i guess can get me a good job or something but im not very sure of myself (i’ve had periods of depression, mostly when i was 16-18, i’ve went to therapy, actually i’m into one, i’ve improved a lot). So here am i, resisting my family and having no plans for the future.

Basically thats it, hope you understand it and hope you leave a comment. Cheers!

November 5, 2015 at 4:32 am #86784

Inky
Participant

Hi marcel9710,

Working for the family business can be the worst! It’s either workaholism, or in some families you get paid for not really doing anything (because they don’t actually trust you to do it!). No one takes you seriously because you’re working for “dad”.

What I would do is (if you’re getting paid enough) hire a personal assistant to do office work, errands and calls. Then that frees you up to do the work that matters. Even if it’s just someone who picks up your dry cleaning or cleans your apartment once in a while. Anything to get that stress off!

Tell your mom you will work part-time. That’ll shock them, but might be necessary. “Doctor’s Orders”.

Meanwhile, you can look for another job! Or start a (very) small side business. Maybe you are good in business, who knows?! Or start a business with someone else!

Good Luck to you!!

Inky

November 5, 2015 at 7:41 am #86789

Anonymous
Guest

Dear marcel9710:

I don’t have practical advice for you and the above advice seems excellent to my unskilled practical sense. What I am more skilled about is the therapy aspect you mentioned. You wrote that you are in therapy and that as a result of therapy you “improved a lot.” Can you write more about what you are working on in therapy and what improved about you as a result?

anita

November 5, 2015 at 7:58 am #86790

Saiisha
Participant

Hi Marcel9710,
Resentment is not a great working partner – so try to find joy in what you do. Will your family business wait for you while you go off on your own, explore what else is out there for you, try a job or two that feel more joyful? If so, you’re fortunate that you’d be able to experiment. You could always come back to your family business later right?

November 5, 2015 at 6:50 pm #86836
Marcel
Participant
hi inky, thank you so much for answering my post.

Yeah, working with family it is how you explain it. And i would add that every scold or loud voice you heard from them hurts a lot cause its coming from your mom.

I don’t earn that much, she pay me every day worked so i cant afford hiring an assistant, besides, i don’t do that much to need one. My job is really informal, i’m just ‘helping’ my mom with her stuff. She said to me something like “i brought you with me to meetings and so for you to learn about the business, how i do stuff, every task i give to you is for your learning”

I’ve thought of a side business but i haven’t gone that far with it, i’m still to insecure to pursue a entrepeneurship. Uncertainty scares me a lot. But i’ve found the way to get stress off, as you said.

again, thanks for your time.
- This reply was modified 9 years ago by Marcel.
November 5, 2015 at 6:57 pm #86839

Marcel
Participant

hi anita, thanks for your time.

i’ve had like 3 big therapies in my life. first one, when i got rejected by a crush, it depressed me quite a bit, but i try to move forward by my own, with self made tantras and giving me value. the second one was during college, i went to a coach, i did workshops with her, we worked on self-esteem, insecurities, my relationship with my mom (boss), etc., despite i didn’t improve a lot on those issues, i learnt a lot about gratefulness and humility, i did learn about being aware in the present time too. And now, i’m into another therapy, i discovered some things about my family, where i get my insecurities from, working on not sabotage me with negative thoughts and trying to find a professional option for my life because of my current situation. thats it, hope it helps!

November 5, 2015 at 7:06 pm #86840

Marcel
Participant

hi saiisha (nice name), thanks for answering.

well, i’ve thought of working somewhere else but i’m really afraid of what my family could think, cause maybe they take it as an ungratefulness, and i know my mom and my uncle, they’re kind of rancorous, besides, i don’t know which job i can fit in, i’ve never worked formally in my life (my experience in my family business doesn’t count yet, i think)

on the other side, the business have more or less 200 employees, and is runned by my mom, who is 63 and my uncle who is 58, he doesn’t have kids, my mom got me and my sister (who leave the house for a similar situation of mine, but thats a whole other story), they don’t trust other family members either. i feel stuck, like my destiny is to run the business…

but i totally agree with you, its necessary to find joy in what i do. cheers!

November 5, 2015 at 7:14 pm #86841
jock
Participant
marcel
hi. My guess is that your relationship with your Mum is causing you the most grief. Better to not work with her at all, if you can find another job outside the business, that would be much better. It won’t be easy, but at least you don’t have to deal with feeling of guilt and obligation. Have a long term goal of gaining your own confidence, your own separate identity. That is the challenge and it aint easy for any of us. I’m still struggling myself. There’ll be pain, but make it worthwhile pain, one you can learn from.
- This reply was modified 9 years ago by jock.
November 6, 2015 at 8:29 am #86855

Anonymous
Guest

Dear marcel9710:

This is a tough spot you are in. To feel stuck and be stuck is an undesirable, an unhealthy way of life. If you weren’t so afraid to leave the business and your family and land someplace far away, to live your life with no consideration to your mother and uncle’s welfare and needs, that is if YOUR life was all about YOU, how would that feel? Can you imagine it when you are calm, just picture it, daydream about it… how does it feel? Post if you’d like.

anita

November 6, 2015 at 9:35 pm #86902

Saiisha
Participant

Hello again Marcel9710,
Would you be able to look for a job before you approach your mom and uncle with your idea? In my mind, destiny is something that would make you feel elated / exhilarated about seeking, walking and conquering your particular journey. So, in contrast to what you THINK might be your destiny – it could actually be about overcoming your feeling of being stuck, and finding your way out of this situation, toward something that would fill you with joy.

I truly think you should at least try something before you give it up! And as Anita suggestion – at least try it in your own mind first – picture it, dream it, visualize it – what does your dream life look like?

November 10, 2015 at 7:39 pm #87193

Marcel
Participant

hi anita, well I’ve imagined how does it feel, and it didn’t feel right. It scared me to death. Right now, my self confidence is so low that i don’t even know i’m able to work properly in a real job, plus i wont stand their judgemental looks and their acusatory questions and stuff…its a hard situation…

November 10, 2015 at 8:32 pm #87196

Marcel
Participant

Hi Saiisha, i’ve tried to pictured my dream life and it doesn’t fit with replacing my mom and uncle. If you ask me right now i don’t want to be a CEO, too much money yeah but too much stress and too much sacrifice, not for me. The thing is i’m not very sure whats the path to achieve my dream life, and this fulfills me with great anxiety…

November 11, 2015 at 8:11 am #87214

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Marcel:

I am back to my suggestion: “if YOUR life was all about YOU, how would that feel? Can you imagine it when you are calm, just picture it, daydream about it… how does it feel?” Since the working world scares you so, can you imagine your life simply away from your mother and uncle and away from their company, away from the city, but let it not be about work, imagine you have enough money to live and you are living away from them and there. Calm yourself enough, if you will, and picture that: how does that feel? Post again, if you would like.
anita
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