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Being lost

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  • #46878
    chil
    Participant

    Hi Guys,

    I am not sure how to express the best on how i feel….. i dont know if I am being dramatic…..
    I had a broken realtion when i was young, it was my first love…. from my teens i dreamt of a person in my life, love in my life, it used to be top and best of my dreams.
    I met this person at work, he was a nice person and matured in thinking. I kept whole of my energy into this relation because it was dream come true. I wanted love in my life….
    This relationship ended due to social issues from him…. i tried my best because it was my dream….

    I used to dress my best as he made me feel I was special , I used to wake up every day and was thankful of happy day ahead, I used to sleep satisfied,,, life was beautiful then……. during last days of relation it was sleepless nights, anger and ruined feelings….. later I am healed to an extent ……and I still love the person ,
    I am not attracted to him in any means now but its feeling of love for dear ones…………..
    For me love never changes…. once i loved him i cannot hate him now…..Only thing i feel bad about him is he couldnt keep his promise but thats ok he chosse it for lack of options. I forgive him

    I have moved on in life got married and now mother of young kid ..Now my relation is more of give and take a perfect practical relation……. I spend every minute of my day working, keep myself dead busy in my job, and as a mother ……………..

    Deep down in my heart i lack the joy , I feel the loss ,,,,,,,,,

    I am in this mode since couple of years…. now i dont look beautiful, i dont feel i am special , i feel i am lost.

    What is this happening to me…. what have i lost.

    .

    #46918
    Constantly Learning
    Participant

    Vin, perhaps what you have lost is yourself…by focusing so much on this other person. I have been guilty of doing the same SO many times in my life. I am just now finally learning to pay attention to myself. For so long I did not care about anything…if I could not have that other person, then NOTHING interested me. Even if I had that other special person, I hurt when they were away from me, I was jealous of the time they spent with their friends. I needed to have friends myself, interests of my own, but it was a catch-22 because I didn’t care about anything enough to put the effort into it. Making friends can be a lot of work…finding something to interest you is HARD when you don’t feel like doing ANYTHING. But, it IS worth the effort. I am finally making friends, and I have found something about which I am really passionate, something that makes me WANT to get up each morning…and most amazing of all, it has NOTHING to do with my special person. Now, when we are apart, I no longer sit around miserable missing them. I focus on my new passion, and you know what? I have more to offer to everyone. I am HAPPY, I am complete, because I found something that I love. Wishing you joy and happiness, and sincerely hoping you find what you need.

    #47653
    Mark
    Participant

    Vin,
    It sounds like you are being consumed by being a mother where it can be physically and emotionally draining at times. You are using up your energy not only with your child but with your job and being a wife. I can understand why you feel a bit dead inside.

    What brings you joy? It does not have to be a big thing. It could be listening to music or cooking or playing with your child. It is those moments, those present moments to notice and revel in.

    A gratitude journal helps as well. It helps you focus on what is good in your life.. and what makes you happy.

    Metta,
    Mark

    #49203
    chil
    Participant

    Hi Mark,

    As you said yes I am consumed ………… I have to find out what I enjoy because my interests once are not any more interesting….
    Gratitude journal ………. I have to explore this…
    But the very sense of loss and lack of interests are overruling my life and clearly reflects on my personality.
    I need to get out of this for happy living …………

    Thanks
    chil

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by chil.
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