Home→Forums→Relationships→Best Friends After Catching Up?
- This topic has 28 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 month, 2 weeks ago by tinybuddha.
February 2, 2023 at 8:26 am #414870
I’m sorry for disturbing you and I’m sorry that you feel hurt.
You have been making multiple comments that suggested that you were upset about comments being reported.
I just don’t believe in ignoring people. We frequent the same forum. I wanted to give you the opportunity to speak about it.
I’m going to point out that I haven’t even attempted to communicate with you until you started to make these comments about your feelings being hurt about reported comments.
You asked that I report your comments instead of discussing issues and said that was what you preferred. People are allowed to disagree with language used. Most of the time your language is fine. Other times I find it can be harsh and I am concerned for other members of the community.
I’m going to point out that I report other users comments when they use harsh language too. It is up to moderators to decide how they wish to handle any reported comments.
Again, I’d like to acknowledge that you have made generally made great improvements in how you communicate with members.
If you would like to discuss this further please feel free to reply or create your own topic.February 2, 2023 at 8:42 am #414873AnonymousGuest
2nd posting, To Helcat:
I consider these two of your behaviors toward me to be a form of abuse called stalking: (1) you’ve been repeatedly contacting me (addressing me on different threads, most recently today, Feb 2, 2023, 15 minutes ago), five months after I clearly expressed to you that I do not want to communicate with you, (2) for months, you’ve been frivolously reporting my posts for inappropriate content.
Psychology today/ stalking: “Stalking is a pattern of unwanted contact or behavior that leads someone to feel upset, anxious, or scared for his or her safety. Stalking is a consistent and intentional pattern of behavior as opposed to one or two isolated incidents. It persists after the individual has asked the stalker to stop contacting them“.
Your stalking of me is a form of abuse and it scares me. It upsets me, it makes me feel unsafe, and I don’t deserve it!
STOP CONTACTING ME. STOP STALKING ME.
anitaFebruary 2, 2023 at 8:49 am #414875AnonymousGuest
Dear Maisy: I am sorry about this interruption in your thread. I hope the above was the last such interruption.
anitaFebruary 4, 2023 at 2:34 pm #414978
I know that miscommunication and conflict are unavoidable parts of engaging with other people, especially in an online forum, since it’s easy to misconstrue someone’s written words and the intentions behind them. I also totally understand the desire to clear the air. (And just so you know, I appreciate all the time you’ve devoted to helping people in the forums. You’ve done a lot of good, and I know your heart is always in the right place!)
That being said, I’d like to gently request two things.
First, can you please only comment on a post if your comment is related to the thread/offering advice to a poster?
Secondly, can you please respect Anita’s wishes and stop addressing her instead of trying to seek closure?
You’re welcome to report anything you find problematic, and the moderator will then decide what to do from there. But you might want to let the posters themselves decide if a reply is offensive or in violation of community standards. Sometimes what seems insensitive to one person might seem direct but helpful to another.
Thank you for trying to keep this a safe space for authentic sharing! And thank you in advance for honoring these requests.
P.S. I just saw your response to the thread you started last week. I don’t believe there are any other unknown policies. You’re right, I should update the guidelines, and I will do that now!
February 4, 2023 at 3:29 pm #415009
- This reply was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by tinybuddha.
By reporting comments containing Anita’s harsh language I’m protesting the abuse that has been directed towards myself and other members of the community.
For some who deeply values reading every message and replying to each community member, ignoring community members is a form of abuse.
This treatment was historically reserved for members who commited sexual abuse. I was stonewalled, publicly shamed and verbally abused simply for suggesting that anxiety levels were high. For peacefully protesting abuse, I was told that I called a liar and verbally abused in my personal thread.
Your moderation team actively permitted and ignored this abuse. I humbly request that you personally review the abuse I’ve received from this member. I hope that you decide to do more than your moderation team did.
I have the right to protest abuse.
I would love to resolve this situation. However, it seems like I’m the only one. It won’t disappear by pretending the situation doesn’t exist.February 4, 2023 at 3:40 pm #415022
*I was called a liarFebruary 4, 2023 at 3:42 pm #415023
I think you will find that your moderation team hasn’t been upholding the community guidelines and has failed to protect this community.February 5, 2023 at 2:21 pm #415048
You’re right, you absolutely have a right to protest abuse. My moderator DID email me about some past exchanges here in the forums, and I’ve discussed some of them with Anita before. Can you please email me with more specifics? You can reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Thanks so much!
LoriFebruary 6, 2023 at 1:49 am #415057
You talked to her about it in private. She’s still behaving in the same way.
Calling me, the person she abused a stalker for giving her an opportunity to talk about her feelings and clear the air.
She hasn’t even apologised after the last time she was abusive. I’ve had to leave this community twice because of the abuse.
The only person who has heard about any of this publicly is me. I’ve been asked to never contact her. Publicly anita had zero repercussions. I’ve been left to deal with this situation myself.February 6, 2023 at 2:03 am #415058
I wouldn’t have had to protest abuse if public action was taken in the first place.February 6, 2023 at 9:51 am #415085
To be clear, I’m not asking for her to be removed from the forum.February 6, 2023 at 2:29 pm #415097
I apologize for my shortcomings in addressing this situation. I emailed with Anita because she and I have emailed many times over the years. Perhaps I should have emailed you too instead of posting here to learn more about your experience in all of this. Though I do believe it’s important to honor a “no contact” request, I don’t believe this situation is black and white or that there’s a villain here.
Regardless, Anita has asked me to remove her account, and I am going to do that now. You’re still welcome to email me if you’d like to discuss this further. I’m also planning to post a new thread about this, and I welcome additional feedback there!
LoriFebruary 6, 2023 at 3:51 pm #415099
That’s a shame. She’s a valued member of the community and will be missed.February 7, 2023 at 1:44 pm #415135