Hi Emma,
I also had a binge eating disorder when I went through college. I am sorry that you are struggling with this and good for you for seeking therapy. That helped me immensely. I understand that feeling that of being in a circle you can’t break where every solution to the problem is a problem – self acceptance means gaining weight which means more urge to binge. What helped me:
*Gratitude – strange as that sounds, it helped me to recognize that the eating disorder was a way for me to get through a difficult time. Sometimes, too, it means that you actually are the strong one in the family as it lets the family focus on you rather than more difficult issues they are unable or unwilling to address. I keep a journal by my bed now where I write 5 things I’m grateful for at the end of the day.
*Forgiveness for bingeing- realize that setbacks are part of the process. I considered it a check in to see if that’s really where I wanted to be. Everytime I realized it wasn’t where I wanted to be, my resolve to move forward strengthened. In an experiment by Peter Skillman, he found that multiple iterations almost always beat single minded focus around an idea. In “The Zigzag Principle” by Rich Christensen he found the road to success is never a straight line. In other words, we learn more and have greater success when we have “failure” as well as success.
*God doesn’t make junk! – This was from one of Marianne Williamson’s books. I don’t know if you believe in god or a higher power but when I heard this, it healed a part of me that thought I was a horrible, worthless person. I would recommend any of her books or CD’s.
*Explore ways to be self expressive (with compassion) – whether that’s making a vision board, writing, dancing, singing. I don’t know about you but sometimes this was hard for me because I wanted my creative expression to be perfect. In “The Up Side of Down: Why Failing is Key to Success” by Megan Mcardle she writes that there are two mindsets: Fixed Mindset where challenges are a dipstick to measure how high your ability is and a Growth Mindset where challenges are an opportunity to deepen your talents. I encourage you to embrace the Growth Mindset in your journey.

Do you realize how powerful you are? All that energy that is currently going towards this struggle means that you can do amazing things once you break free. You already have a tremendous amount of insight and a strong desire to move forward. It is possible to recover!

Lisa

Julia – That’s so true. When I began to understand and accept myself the obsession over food went away and I naturally maintained my weight. I really like how you spoke to that.

Emma,

I know your pain, when times were tough in my life, I too resorted to self-destructive behaviours like binge eating, drugs, etc.,
In my humble opinion, you must learn to love yourself first. Self-love is not looking in the mirror and comparing yourself to whatever archetype or ideal you have in mind. Self-love means you will do the things you enjoy, with the important people in your life by your side, and not be self-critical or worry too much about what others think. Make sure that your mental, emotional, and physical states are taken care of first, and then you will naturally take care of yourself. Remind yourself of those that love you for who you are, and add yourself to that list. Once you realize your true self, your body will respond in kind.

Always keep in mind that being uncomfortable with your body is normal, but being self-critical or worrying is in itself, suffering. Clear your mind and your space and think more about the person you are and not the person you want to be.

Good luck, you are loved.