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Blocked him and feel awful

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  • #115526
    Lisa Bulpin
    Participant

    Hi.
    I was casually seeing someone for a few months, it was very up and down for a lot of reasons, mainly because he has serious trust issues because of past relationships and fear which in turn caused me to feel very insecure at times not knowing what he was feeling and thinking.
    Communication wasn’t a strong part of his.
    I tried my best to understand, I fell in love and accepted these parts of him, I was patient. I have been patient.
    But he wanted to end things in the next two weeks so we end things on a “high”, so we don’t end up hurting each other. That is the only outcome he can see in a relationship it seems.
    I have tried to talk to him about it, told him I can’t predict the future and that we should just enjoy our time together and not put a weird time limit on it.

    Anyway, he is very unsure and seems to think it’s best that we don’t carry on so he doesn’t get hurt.

    So I’ve blocked him on my Facebook and whatsapp. I wasn’t mean, just said I need to concentrate on myself and getting over him.
    I feel awful now and am sitting here wondering about him, how he is, what he’s doing.

    He’s like a drug for me. I can’t stop reaching out.

    Any advice, its very much needed. Am I wrong for going “cold turkey’ to try and work through my heartbreak?

    #115529
    anita
    Participant

    Dear mommalicious:

    I don’t think it is wrong for you to block him or anyone from your online accounts. It would be wrong maybe to be inconsistent with blocking: let’s say: block, unblock, block, etc.

    You wrote that you feel addicted to him, strongly wanting to reach out to him. From what you describe you can’t successfully reach out to him because he has trust issues that predate you and read to me as being very strong. If he attends competent psychotherapy on an ongoing and persistent basis, then that therapy can reach him and then he may reach out to you or you may successfully reach out to him.

    Without psychotherapy, or otherwise (if possible) him taking on the healing process, there is no chance of you getting anywhere with him if you reach out to him again, is there?

    anita

    #115531
    Lisa Bulpin
    Participant

    Hi Anita..

    honestly…I’ve just blocked and unblocked him twice in an hour..without communication with him :/ But you’re right.
    I need to maybe just do it, stick to it and then work on me.

    I know he needs to probably talk to someone and deal with his distrust and fear and getting hurt but he won’t. He is very set in his ways and stubborn and you’re right, no amount of reaching out works, I’ve tried, said all I can.
    It’s just hard because I love him and I thought that would be enough, which I know isn’t the best way to think.

    #115532
    Lisa Bulpin
    Participant

    I think the main reason for unblocking him is holding on hope. Hoping things will change, hoping he won’t let me go. Hoping he’ll message me.

    #115533
    Midnight
    Participant

    Hi mommalicious,

    I think you observed correctly that by unblocking him you are hoping that he will contact you, you’re leaving the door open for him to come back to you.
    But the truth is that if at some point he really wants you back and is sure of it, he will find a way to communicate that to you. In fact, he will not rest until he does. Remember all these silly romantic movies with the guy running in the street just to tell a girl how he feels about her before she gets on a plane? Well, it might be silly and exaggerated and I really don’t like romantic movies, but I think that these scenes are a metaphor for how we feel when we know we love someone and want to be with them. It becomes the most important thing in our eyes, to communicate with that person, just like you said “he’s like a drug to me”.

    The reason I’m saying this is to make you see, that unblocking him will not improve the chances of him coming back to you. In fact I believe if anything, it makes it less likely to happen. So my advice is, block him so that you can get on with your life and so that he will understand that he cannot change his mind on you whenever his mood changes and you’ll still always be there for him.
    If he really loves you and overcomes his issues, then he will find a way to communicate that to you. After all, you’ve made it very clear that you were interested in him.

    I know how these things works, at some point you might think, “well what if he does want me back but because I blocked him he cannot get in touch/will think I’m not interested”. No. If he really wants you back, he will try anyway and he will find a way to speak to you. So don’t worry about that.
    Block him and move on.

    #115538
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi mommalicious,

    I think Blocking may have been a little over the top. Unfriend, yes. Hide your profile, yes. But I always thought of Blocking as akin to hanging the phone up on someone. Or saying (virtually) I hate you so much, I spit on you, I want no part of your reality to contaminate my reality, I don’t want you to stalk me (because checking out my Profile like the rest of my Friends is stalking when you do it, you lurker!) and I don’t even want to know if you’re dead!

    Well, at least that’s how I view it.

    One of my old friends blocked me after I didn’t agree with her or play her game. Then a few months later she unblocked me. Then she re-Friended me. Then Unfriended me. And she’s all of fifty-something years old.

    Then an ex BF sent me three Friend Requests over the years. I finally added him. He finally got married to someone. Then he Blocks me!

    Now I had never abused, stalked, made passive and/or aggressive comments or anything. It’s just some people don’t do social media well.

    But it smacks so hard of immaturity the Blocking (unless of course the other person is abusive).

    I suggest Hiding or Unfriending.

    Just a different Opine on this issue! 🙂

    Inky

    #115539
    Midnight
    Participant

    Hi mommalicious,

    In reaction to what Inky wrote – I’m not too familiar with all the options in the different social medias because I have been off FB for a few years now (and so much better off this way!), so please consider my use of the term “blocking” as any action on your end that removes this person from your field of vision and cuts off your contact with him, which is the important thing here.

    I believe that in order to make the breakup less painful and to help you get on with your life it is essential that you will not be informed on a daily basis on everything that your ex is up to. So if that means “block”, “unfriend” or any other action that’s up to you, the idea I was trying to convey here was that you should not have contact with this person at all.

    #115546
    Monica
    Participant

    Hi every one
    I am new so I didn’t know where I have to go to get help ., I had no choice .. I need your help ..
    My boy friend doesn’t reply to my txt or answer my calls over a silly argument .. What am I suppose to do .. I love him and he knows that , in his last msg he told me he doesn’t care for me any more and said good bye .. Every one tell me guys need space and he will come back himself .. Does this really work ..
    Thanks

    #115547
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Guys!

    OK, Blocking means you can’t find the other person and the other person can’t find you. It’s as if you don’t exist on FB to them.

    Unfriend means you don’t see their posts, but you can find their Profile (but not their Posts).

    Hide means you don’t see their posts in your Newsfeed but if you look at their Profile you can see their posts.

    Inky

    #115566
    anita
    Participant

    * Dear mahb: this thread belongs to the member who started the thread (the original poster, OP). To start your own thread, with your life situation, please click FORUMS above, choose a CATEGORY, click on your chosen category (RELATIONSHIPS, seems to me), go down the page to the empty box. See you on your own thread.
    anita

    Dear mommalicious:

    In your last post you wrote: “…holding on hope. Hoping things will change, hoping he won’t let me go. Hoping he’ll message me.”

    You will feel much better once you stop hoping. Only when you stop hoping (gradually if needs be), you will be able to move on. And moving on is the right thing for you since you already tried everything and he is set in his ways.

    anita

    #115578
    Lisa Bulpin
    Participant

    Hi everyone!
    I unfriended him on Facebook so I don’t see what he’s doing, cause it might drive me bonkers right now.
    And I blocked him on Whatsapp to hopefully stop me from messaging him and obsessing, trying to fix things etc.
    I said in my last message to him:

    “So I’m going to block you so I don’t message you anymore. Not because I think you’re a dick but because I love you and I’m really struggling and I don’t want to feel like this. I need to give up hope, just stop hoping you could put all the horrible things behind you like I’ve tried to do (past relationships). Give up hop0e of every having our times together where we laugh, touch and care for each other. Your amazing and awesome just how you are. Never forget that xxx”

    Its really not a case of blocking him to be mean. Just a way to help me let go :/
    Thanks so much for all the advice guys. It’s really helped me a lot. Hoping is the thing I need to work on letting go the most it seems and just accepting I can’t change things.
    What I’m starting to learn is that love is just not enough to make a relationship work.

    #115592
    anita
    Participant

    Dear mommalicious:

    Good job with your last post to him. It was very kind of you to repeat your message to him that he is “amazing and awesome just how you are. Never forget that”- a very loving message.

    But as you wrote: “Love is just not enough to make a relationship work”- your love has to meet his love for the relationship to work. When he is closed to it you are like the electrical plug of the coffee maker I use every morning: no coffee made unless the plug is connected to the electrical outlet and electricity is available. It takes both: a plug and an outlet for an electrical machine to work. Same with a relationship.

    Hope you post again anytime you need to.

    anita

    #116151
    manbuddha
    Participant

    Like anita said – the final, loving msg you sent to him was GReat and very kind of you.

    I wish you all the best. Life is tougher because of all the love struggles. It’s very difficult to resign oneself to never hearing from a loved one again.
    He definitely has things to improve about himself. But it is very important to pay attention to why he wanted to end things – and with that in mind, work to improve your end too. if you don’t, then this situation, and this pain may repeat itself later on with someone else. I hope that never happens.
    Relationships are like a love school and you will repeat a class again and again until you improve and learn your own personal lessons.

    Take care…

    #162500
    Saosan
    Participant

    I feel like blocking someone helps. When you see the lies and same patterns. Then cutting them out – giving them no right to contact you when they need is a healthy thing to do.

    And I agree with midnight. He will find you if he wills. Go with the truth.

    #195983
    Felicia
    Participant

    Hi Lisa,

    Not sure if anyone is even reading these posts anymore but I just came across this blog. I am in the exact same situation as you and I feel the same! It is refreshing to know that I am not crazy and I am not all alone in this like I have felt for so long. I am hoping that you were finally able to let that relationship go. I hope that I can get to that point with mine. I just blocked him today so this is going to be a long road for me. I need to stop hoping and accept that I cannot change him or his ways and that loving someone is not enough to make a relationship work.

    Thank you to the rest of you for your great advice, these are things I have needed to hear and will try my hardest to remember when I start feeling weak for him again.

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