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  • June 16, 2014 at 10:00 pm #58971
    Sassypants
    Participant

    Hi there, I’ve been pondering this recently and would love some feedback. Thanks for taking the time to read a respond.

    Is there something wrong from jumping from relationship to relationship? Does it prevent you from loving at a higher level or realness? Does is devalue past feelings? Does it prevent the option for love to blossom again with a past relationship? Can a person truly grow and evolve allowing time for clarity and truth when always in a relationship? Don’t you figure most things out alone?

    I ask these things because I can honestly say I haven’t been single for a time period of longer than 3 months in almost 10 years. I’m not married and I don’t need to be in a relationship, it just happens. If I can jump like this from one relationship to another does it mean I was never in love to begin with? If love is so strong and is the only valuable source we can take with us from this word why is it so complicated… Hopefully this makes sense to someone out there…

    June 17, 2014 at 1:51 am #58974
    The Ruminant
    Participant

    I start with my usual disclosure of being a complete failure in my past relationships 🙂 So, you know, perhaps my thoughts on the subject aren’t very valid…

    I think it depends on intention. You say that you don’t need to be in a relationship and that it just happens. Then what would be wrong with that? Assuming that you are being completely honest with yourself. As for love, I think it’s actually healthier to be able to continue loving as things evolve and people pass through your life. Don’t confuse love for being clingy or that if it doesn’t hurt like hell when it ends, it never was that important to begin with. Also, it sounds like for you love isn’t that complicated 🙂

    I also don’t think that you have to be alone to figure things out. Besides, you can still have moments of isolation even if you are in a relationship. You still have your own privacy and your own thoughts and feelings and your own personal space. Why would you learn more about love when isolated than when with another person?

    Why does this bother you? Do you feel like you are not growing as a person?

    June 17, 2014 at 7:17 am #58989
    Sassypants
    Participant

    Yes, I suppose you can grow and evolve while in a relationship. I’m not klingy. I’m leaving all summer to go on an adventure alone.

    I ask these things because someone brought it to my attention that I’m never single so I started to reflect. I just don’t want to have regrets later in life if the person I’m suppose to be with moves on. Sometime I feel like I have one foot in and one foot out of my relationships. This seems to be consistent. I’m just never 100% sure.

    June 23, 2014 at 12:19 pm #59410
    Mike
    Participant

    The problem is that 3 months is not long enough to develop real feelings. Sure we think we may love a person the first time we see them, but usually it is more of a feeling of awe or lust. Then another concern is that you develop a habit where you are with a person and even if they are great at 3 months you get bored because you set a threshold at 3 months. You will probably get an antsy feeling and may even feel trapped even if you really love the person, because we can become addicted to that feeling we get when we fall for them and there comes a point in all relationships where the love felt is not the same love felt at the beginning. No offense but it is also as if you are objectifying the people like they are your toys for 3 months and once you are bored with them you just throw them away and find a new toy that is fun again because no legitimate feelings can develop lie that if you know at the beginning that you will let them go after 3 months. It would be hard to make a lasting friendship in three months let alone a loving relationship. If there is not chemistry I get that, but if there is why set a limit of time before hand?

    June 23, 2014 at 6:50 pm #59440
    Sassypants
    Participant

    Hey mike, you may have misunderstood me. My current bf I have dated for almost a year. My ex, i dated him for 7 years. The last year was on and off and it was not healthy. After ending that relationship, 3 months later is when I started dating my current bf. Make sense?

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