I’m a 35 year old mother of two boys. I was married for 15 years and have recently (as of January) divorced. I am over the grief period and have moved on with my life. My ex and I have a good relationship now and are more like brothers and sisters at this point.

I’m not writing about divorce, I’m writing about dealing with a breakup after divorce. I had all the thoughts of not finding anyone, of thinking no one would want to date a single mother, etc. In April I met an amazing guy. He is sweet and caring, patient and laid-back. He accepted my boys, loved me when I didn’t think I could be loved, and didn’t let me push him away. He isn’t from the town that we live in and my fear was always that he’d relocate since he was only here for his job. He assured me over and over that he had no intentions of leaving. He looked at houses here; we made plans for a future together. A few weeks ago he told me that he is moving to another city half way across the country to be near his family (whom he doesn’t really have a close relationship with). I was completely blindsided and shocked. He was crying and very emotional when he told me. He said that he still loves me and meant everything that he said, but something is telling him that he needs to leave. He can’t explain it to himself and is hurting too. He is leaving in 2 weeks.

I am so confused, shocked, hurt and heartbroken. The night that he told me, he got a tattoo that we had designed together and he unexpectedly added a piece to represent me…which only adds to my confusion. It is hard to breathe and I have to force myself to get through the day. I’m trying to focus on the day ahead of me, instead of thinking too far into the future. If not I get overwhelmed and am flooded with memories of being alone after my divorce.

My boyfriend is 33, has never been married. He has never lived in the same town as his girlfriend…has only done long distance. My therapist thinks that he is scared of commitment since this is so opposite of his normal behavior. She said that he is ending things so abruptly in order to try to avoid the heartbreak. I have asked him if commitment is the problem and he said no. It has nothing to do with me…that he loves me and was happy with me. He has found a job and is moving in two weeks.

This breakup is so much worse than my divorce. With my ex-husband we pretty much hated each other towards the end. But with my boyfriend, we were truly best friends and lovers. Losing both at the same time is excruciating…especially when there was no fight, no growing apart. I can feel the love when I see him or when we talk.

I guess I’m hoping you might have some words of wisdom or a different perspective to offer. I am trying to take this as a lesson…to figure out what it has to teach me. But I can’t see anything but heartbreak.