Dearest Girl,

I am really sorry about the lose he chose to have by letting you go,but it has nothing to do with you being selfish.

If you just notice,it had just been you who was trying to keep it together all the time,you were making compromises to get a validation from him or by watching him be happy on the stake of your own happiness.

The real catch in this relationship is that he was never sure about you from the very start,had he been he wouldn’t have let you go(I donot mean to hurt you,but this is the truth)

You loved him and this made you very much sure about being with him compromising all your needs,same applies at him as well,the person who loves you and is at the same page as you are,is rarely unsure.Practically,I can neither assume about his salary and stuff nor about your financial status but it would have been possible enough that you would have been helping him along if he had some financial hesitation.

Since,the person had been somewhere trying to drag you out to go and see someone else or was mentioning about he doesnt deserve you kind of stupid remark,he actually meant it.Had he deserved you,he would have valued to stay and convince you to stay any way possible.

You may also notice,if there would had been problems,you must have been the one taking efforts to confront most of the times,he would have hardly cared.Just,try to see a clear picture.Talking about getting married and actually wanting to get married are totally different.Had he wanted it to turn true,he would have been makimg efforts.

The reason behind this could be either he was “benching” you by exploring other options meanwhile or he was never prepared to invest that much into your relationship.Think about this,try to visualise,donot be biased to actually view the situation on his perspective,rather give it a thought,was he actually investing his 100% in making you happy?

Men are more clear in what they want and what they donot want mostly,they are less likely dragged by emotions than women are.

As for the solution to test his words and his actions are relating or not try to maintain a “no contact ” .No texts,no calls,no begging back for a minimum time of 3 weeks.

Most likely,you will find yourself getting back,peeping into or stalking him,DONOT DO THIS! Just donot even wait for him to text,do this till the time you are actually over the thought that you were being selfish,you werent being selfish.

You will know how much love you deserve and how much self love you owe before all this ?

Goodluck

Dear A:

You are welcome. I hope you post again with your thoughts and feelings in the days to come. I would like to read about how you are progressing through this post break up and reply to you if and when you post again.

anita

Dear A:

I am glad you posted these two updates and please do post again anytime you would like to share your thoughts and feelings, I will read and reply. Maybe other members will as well.

Your most recent post- yuck. Yes, I can see how that would make it easier for you. I am surprised he is telling people such a personal detail about himself (real or imagined). It also makes me feel sad that this is what he is left with after all that you tried with him, all the time and emotional investment on your part. I suppose there is a lesson here, what do you think?

anita

Dear A:

He believed he wasn’t good enough (or big enough) before he met you and he still believes the same thing. No matter how many times you told him that he is good enough, that didn’t make a dent in his belief. Years later and it is as if you had no impact on him, as a matter of fact, there has been no change in what he believes to be true.

What I would take with me from this experience, if I was you, is in the next relationship you have, find out what the man believes before getting into an intimate relationship with him. If what he believes is something that makes him miserable and will make you miserable, count on that belief to persist and don’t get involved with him further.

anita