January 8, 2017 at 6:14 pm #124888
Hi. I had a dream to go abroad and live there as I wasn't happy in my country. I have lived with my family all my life (I'm 29). I thought that it would be great to live in a developed country. So I saved, worked hard and gave everything for my dream. Finally I moved to Canada in September 2016. I was happy but started to realize that I'm leaving my family. I felt very lonely there. Lost weight and started crying everyday. My parents got sick which made me worry about them. I started to think about things which never came to my mind before- how would my parents live without me, my sister's studies, my house, my relatives..
I started to think that I was selfish to leave everything behind to live my dream. So I came back to my home country 2 months later. Now I'm here for 2 months, and jobless. We do not have a good income because my dad's business is also not doing well. I've started to hate myself for what I have done with my life. I've wasted 29 years of my life and have achieved nothing. Most of my friends and cousins are doing well in their careers and have started their families. I wasted so many years for that stupid dream which brought only suffering to me and my family. I feel so down that I do not want to leave my bed and go out. I'm having troubles in sleeping. Sometimes I think about suicide. My life is so bad that I feel that I'm the unluckiest person on earth. I don't know what to do. Please help.January 8, 2017 at 6:39 pm #124892
Do you think it is your dream that is bringing you suffering (what you stated), or is it giving up on the dream two months in and returning to your family, that is bringing you suffering?
anitaJanuary 8, 2017 at 9:08 pm #124898
I think it was an unrealistic dream. I was just living in my own world of dreams. I came to know about life's realities after leaving home. But I think that I got too late to realize it. I should have thought about my family and my future before taking that big step.January 9, 2017 at 6:31 am #124918
Notice this: your very first sentence in your original post is: “Hi. I had a dream to go abroad and live there as I wasn’t happy in my country.”-
you were not happy in your country, living with your family, at 29 and long before that age.
You left to Canada September 2016 and were happy for a short time, then you felt guilty for leaving behind your family, so you went back and you are unhappy again, just like you were before. Maybe more unhappy, because now you don't have the dream- to live elsewhere.
Will you share about the unhappiness of you living with your parents/ family before leaving to Canada?
anitaJanuary 9, 2017 at 7:53 am #124923
I'm unhappy here but not because of my family. I do not feel lonely when I'm with them and they support me. I was unhappy with my country.
I don't know what makes me sad. Maybe my failed dream. Maybe it has become a habit to be depressed. Maybe because I don't have a job.
I sound very confused and irritating but only I know how I'm feeling right now. This has never happened to me before. Maybe god is punishing me or testing me.
I'm sorry for being like this.January 9, 2017 at 8:08 am #124925
What exactly was your dream? Was the actual problem the loneliness you faced when you left or the dream?January 9, 2017 at 8:40 am #124927
My dream was to live in a developed country.
The problem was my loneliness. I was also worried about my family as my parents are getting old. They got sick after I left them.January 9, 2017 at 9:06 am #124931
I don't believe god is testing you or punishing you. But then, I don't believe in a biblical god, such that will test people and punish people… punish you for having a dream.
You wrote that your family supports you- how are they supportive of you…?
anitaJanuary 9, 2017 at 10:21 am #124943
Actually wish, what I want to ask is – how did you manage to go there – what line of work or subject you are in?
What are the prospects like in your country and possible alternatives? See I know you are depressed things haven't worked out and your friends seem to be doing better but feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to help. You are gonna sink deeper and deeper into this over time if you keep brooding.
You have to make the effort to come out of this. You atleast have your family with you. They are surely supportive and good people.
Come on, you really think God is punishing you for going overseas by making your parents sick? You love your family and you have your own wishes too. What's wrong with taking the leap? You would be there for your parents no matter what. Of course they are gonna get old. With age, health does decline. It's not you. Don't be so hard on yourself.
It's been a few months only and perhaps the economy is just down – you will figure something out but you gotta get out of this mindset that life is over, your dream was crap. No I don't think it was crap. You tried to live your dream. How many have courage to even try that? So what if it didn't meet your expectations? That's life, isn't it?
There is no peachy perfect. There is some good and some bad. What if your parents fell sick when you were away from home now? How would you feel then? Think of that possibility, atleast you are back at home when they need you most.
Sometimes what we expect doesn't materialize but it does help us see what we actually want, gives us perspective. You were brave enough to try, surely you can be a bit brave and come out of this. I am guessing not having a job is giving you the most distress at this moment. How are you going about the process?January 9, 2017 at 10:45 am #124944
“The most painful state of being is remembering the future, particularly the one you'll never have.” ― Søren Kierkegaard
You are torn between two worlds, the dream and the choices. You pursued your dream however missing your family you made the choice to return home and now mourn the loss of a dream. That choice to return home was perfectly understandable and valid. But yes it came at the cost that you now mourn and so find yourself stuck
“In February, the overcast sky isn’t gloomy so much as neutral and vague. It’s a significant factor in the common experience of depression among the locals. The snow crunches under your boots and clings to your trousers, to the cuffs, and once you’re inside, the snow clings to you psyche, and eventually you have to go to the doctor. The past soaks into you in this weather because the present is missing almost entirely.”
― Charles Baxter, The Feast of Love
I relate to the predicament of not being able to take full ownership of the decisions we make. Instead we mourn a remembered future that the decision we made took away and find ourselves stuck and so never living in the present. To move forward you must reconcile yourself your choices, own them, learn what there was to learn and then start again.
And of all the gifts arrayed before me,
This one thought at this moment in my life is the most precious.
And so, we begin again. – The Feast of Love
“Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.” ― Sylvia Plath
“You never know what's around the corner. It could be everything. Or it could be nothing. You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and you've climbed a mountain.”
― Tom Hiddleston
1. Goals are something you are acting on. Dreams are something you are just thinking about. Goals require action. Dreams can happen without lifting a finger, even while you are asleep.
2. Goals have deadlines. Dreams are just, well, dreams. Goals must have a deadline. They have a time limit. Dreams can go on forever. In fact, many people maintain dreams their entire lives without ever reaching them.
3. Dreams are free. Goals have a cost. While you can daydream for free, goals don’t come without a price. Time, money, effort and sweat. How will you pay for your goals?
4. Goals produce results. Dreams don’t. Want to change your life? Your job? Your status in life? Goals can do that. A good friend of mine made six-figures on the ebook he published. He did that. Had it stayed as a dream, his life would have been as it always was.
5. Dreams are imaginary. Goals are based in reality. You may dream of being Superman, but that is probably not going to happen. Goals are about what you can actually accomplish. They are grounded in the reality of our world. Goals should be big, but not supernatural.
6. Goals have a finish line. Dreams never have to end. Dreams can go on forever. They don’t have to have an ending point. Goals must have a specific outcome.
7. Dreams can inspire you. Goals can change your life. Dreams can bring you motivation. They can inspire you. But, goals can change your life forever.
8. Goals must have focus. Dreams don’t. Dreams can be drifting, ever-changing thoughts. Goals must be laser-focused. They must be specific and they must be always on your mind.
9. Goals require hard work. Dreams just require your imagination. Dreaming is easy. Almost everyone has a dream. But, fewer people have goals. Goals are hard and they require hard work. (See #3)
10. Dreams stretch your imagination. Goals stretch you. Dreaming leads to bigger dreams. They stretch the limits of your imagination. But, goals stretch you. They increase your skills, your abilities, and change you foreverJanuary 9, 2017 at 4:57 pm #124962
My family is taking care of me. They want me to get healthy again. They tell me to wait for the right time and that I'm not a burden on them.January 9, 2017 at 5:12 pm #124965
@ Nina Sakura
I went there on a permanent residence visa. I worked as a teacher in my home country. Teaching is regulated in Canada so I thought of changing my sector. I got a job in retail but it was part time and the wage was poor. I found it difficult to adjust there. No friends, no relatives, unfriendly people. I had nobody to talk with and share my feelings. it turned into a circle which I found hard to come out.
There are better prospects in my country. I've been applying for jobs but nothing happened yet. But I know that I will have to start from the beginning, competing with a 24 year old fresh graduate. This means that I have to delay my marriage and have kids later in my life.
Thanks for motivating me.January 9, 2017 at 5:23 pm #124966
I think that I was living far from reality. I had a dream but no planning. I don't know if I had a goal. I was not using my brain, just listened to my heart.January 9, 2017 at 7:07 pm #124969
A dream without planning, I understand. It is an important lesson to learn at 29 or at any age. I know a man who is older than sixty. He had a dream that selling a particular product will make him a lot of money, so he bought a lot of that product, no research, no planning and it didn't work out and he went bankrupt. Lots of older and old people still dream, and without planning, without gathering information, they go for it… and fail.
Please don't be hard on yourself for learning this lesson at 29. You now know how important family is when they are supporting, and how lonely and depressing it is to be in an unfriendly place.
I hope you find employment as a teacher and do well!
anitaJanuary 9, 2017 at 9:24 pm #124979
Thank you anita. You are right.
Yes, I've learned many lessons in last 6 months. I've come out of my comfort zone to see what life is like, seen the world from a different perspective, came to know about my strengths and weaknesses.
I'm looking for a job in both teaching and the corporate sector. Teaching jobs here don't pay much, and I have an MBA degree which can be of use in a company.
Let's see where life takes me now.
Thank you all for your advice.