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Broken Heart Even After giving everything!

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 28 total)
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  • #94346
    vinni
    Participant

    I am a 24 year old guy who is brokrn by the girl,after a 6 year long relationship.
    We were in realtionship for 6 years and were very happy.
    But from last 8 months we were in long distance relationship after i lost my job ,I cane to my home,i feel devastated and shut myself in,She tried too hard to open me up and support me, but at that time i was so stupid and arrogant that i could not understand her. I hurt her a lot at that time but she did support me all the time, but as i started to recover and since she is getting busy in her job.she could not get enough time for me but i understand that, and i support her in everything like she did, But for sonereason may be she tells m now that she don’t love me now. And she is suffocated by this relationship.
    I told her i am not ready to give uo on our 6 year old relationship,and I will make everything good as it was before ,but she is not listening.
    She told me that she doesn’t love me anymore.
    I mean how can love from 6 year old relationship can end in a two months.
    I followed her everywhere ,got admited in same college,quit my last job so that we can be together and happy.but i lost that job after that she tried to encouragw me to do something dony waste your time but i didn’t listen, but now when i am listening and want ti make everything right.She has given up on me?
    What should i do?
    I respect her feelings,so i told her do what you wish to do!
    But this is so hard for me,
    I am broken inside and just can not imagine that she could say one day that She does not love me!
    I admited to her that i hurt her when i was not at my good mind,and we overcome that,but for past three months when she got busy in her job,she stopped loving or caring for me
    I told her that too she told me that i shold concentrate on my career ,that i am doing now,But how could i live without the most important person of my life for whom i can do anything!
    She is my first love and i can’t lose her,but she does not want me in her life?
    Please help me with some suggestions?

    #94350
    vinni
    Participant

    Any one will help me?

    #94355
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Vinni, if it helps, I’m going through something similar and having a hard time. Very hard time. It helps sometimes to read this:
    http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/254541
    It brings some calm to me you know?
    But I’m also desperately seeking advice. So stay strong. People survive through break ups!

    #94359
    UNKNOWN FRIEND
    Participant

    Hi Vinni and Cath.

    I am sorry to hear about the situations you are going through. If I may be of help. Losing someone you love and care for is to me the most painful gift you can go through. You will be happy again , but you just don’t know it yet. Like the famous saying… And this too shall pass. Vinnie understand that your ex does not see the relationship the way it was. You have to accept the reality of things and not the fantacy you wish it was. It is the first time it happens to you so I completely understand the urge you have inside you wanting to “fix” things and make it right , if you can only convince her right? … She knows these things , but her choice will stay the same. You need to let it go , and have strong will power to go no contact. When this happened to me the first time , I wrote a journal , to avoid saying the things I wanted to say to her and gain more self control over myself. Remember you are in control of your actions not her’s. And when you mature to a point , where you accept LOVE … Unconditional Love . You will be happy knowing someone who meant so much to you is happy even if it is not with you. Forgive her for hurting you and Know she is not the women who will make you happy. Look at everything you did for her. It does not mean she is a bad person , she is just not the person God wants you to take care of and be with. Faith in the unknown is the best medication. Healthy living , seeking wisdom , helping others in an unknown way (like on the forum). When you do good , it makes you feel good , and you will get better. It will not go away over night , but every adjustment is a step in a new and more clear direction. You will be fine and no contact will help you. Be calm and in control of your emotions.

    #94363
    TriangleSun
    Participant

    Vinni, she’s told you loud and clear what the problem is. You can’t really do anything in a situation like this. You just have to accept. Happens to everyone, buddy. You’re not the only one, trust me.

    Here is some constructive criticism for you. I get the feeling from your post that you’ve been kind of “coasting” with this girl. No stable job. Jumping from school to school to be with her. That’s not cool man. This doesn’t sound like you’re taking care of yourself. You can’t be like that in a relationship. In fact, you can’t be like that at all! You need to have solid ground to stand on. You don’t want the other person to constantly support you. It’s a burden. I think this is a good wake up call for you. Use this time to figure out what you want out of YOUR life. Become the person you’d want others to see when they look at you.

    What you’re going through is very painful, but it’s probably one of the best lessons life can throw at you. Use this time to reflect on 6 years the two of you spent together. Understand what you did wrong and what you can do to not make the same mistakes again. Understand what you want out of life and out of your next relationship. This almost sounds bad, but i think everyone should go through at least one heartbreak in the life. Hopefully sooner than later. It’s a real eye-opening experience and once you get past it and one day find yourself in a much better position (and you will) you’ll be thanking heavens that it happened.

    I wish you luck and please post again and share how you’re doing.

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 10 months ago by TriangleSun.
    #94365
    TriangleSun
    Participant

    cath,

    I think letting go is one of the most important things you MUST learn in your life. Whether it’s a relationship, a job, an interview that didn’t go right or even something as painful as passing of a loved one. You absolutely have to learn to let go and if you refuse life will give you enough lemons to make sure you learn how to make a great lemonade. 🙂

    #94380
    vinni
    Participant

    @triangleSun
    It was not like i was jumpong frim job to job,
    I know from very long time that she is the only person i can live with and i can do anything just to be with her and have a happy relationship.
    Yes, I can be anywhere i can do any job i want ,i am just 24 , But i choose to be with her ‘cuz that is what makes me happy.
    But i know i have given her a hard time during last 8 months, I have said something i mustn’t,
    I hurt her too,But when i understand that we talked and since then i was trying much more to make her feel happy and at ease,I support her through hectic job and studies,
    But i think she just can’t manage the time with her job,studies and relationship,I know this is hard for her too,
    But we have gone through many ups and down,But we didn’t give up on each other.
    But suddenly she lost her love for me,
    And like i don’t exist in her life anymore,
    I told her I will work hard on my career, will she wait for me,She said if she thinks she has done wrong and a mistake by breaking up with me then she calls,otherwise not.
    I know ,Heartbreak happens ,we have to live with that,
    I just wish i shoul be more careful about my words cause the words and the way i treat her in my worst time,is coming righy back at me And that By Her Mouth.
    I just wish she didn’t give up on Us.
    Cause it is too hard to find a guy who tells I love you,but actually means it ,Hold on to it,Never gives up on it

    #94389
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear vinni:

    I wish I knew the answer to how is it that she loved you for six years and then no longer does because if two months when you were struggling and not loving to her. I do understand that your heart is broken for no longer having that love you learned to expect. This is a great loss.

    It may be, just may be, that there were problems before that 2 month crisis and other factors, her job situation, relationships with family members… circumstances during these young years of her life playing a crucial role in stopping her loving feelings for you. It would have been interesting to read her post on the matter….

    When you are calm and able to ask and calmly listen to answers, ask her questions and I hope she will honestly answer. Please do post again!

    anita

    #94398
    vinni
    Participant

    @newlife123
    I have asked her what is the reason that you don’t have those feelings for me,
    She has just started her hectic schedule and the work,and her studies taking a lot toll on her,
    Actually since after i came back home after i lost the job,that job was too important for us because we were together at work hours too and were very close and happy at that time,
    But after loosing that job,I kindof lost my confidence and self steem and i didn’t handel that situation in constructive way,I don’t know why,But she hold on to me ,always trying to encourage me,suport me in every way possible
    I guess it was too hard for her to see me wasting my time and u guess at that moment wheb i was not taking her and our life and relation seriously she was too in Pain.
    But for last 3 months i started to recover,and I started to support her in every possible way i could,
    BUT i even shared my problems and concern that she didn’t talk to me the way she used to,And i can understand you are in lot of pressure because your job,
    But we always sort it out, But at christmas eve,She said she can not adjust with me now anymore,and also that she is adjusting from our college times,and she just cannot feel the way she used to feel for me,after that i told her i am not ready to give up,she said okay,but after that she became cold and harsh.
    And last sunday she told me she is sufficating from this relation, I am supporting her in every point of her life like she did and i used to,and she does not have any feelings left for me, i said i love you,and she said i know ,but she didn’t.
    I told her you take your time.
    She said okay,and asked me i wait for her i said always.
    And she wait for me too when i set my career.
    But yesterday she told me i can’t give commitment that i will wait for youbor not.
    And she said even after taking time,her feelings and decision will remain same then what, I said i’ll try again.
    Then she told me that if she realised that this is a mistake ,breaking up with me,Then she calls back otherwise she will never call me back.
    And till then she doesnot want to talk.
    I told her if this is youb want and wish for then be it.
    I think she just got confused with her future plans and career,that I am just not important to her anymore, I think the way i treated her when i was not in my right mind, I broke her heart .too and all those anger frustation , and not work and career stress leads to this.
    And now its over,and the more i tried to make everything right, the worst my relationship get.
    We were too happy together,It is hard to give up on her,but i can not do anything now,
    She is not going to understand ever now ‘cuz she doesn’t want to and she do not want to try she does not want to be with the guy who gives love a lot more importance than anything,who is not practical.
    I am just broke now ‘cuz at age if 24 not only i have to start career from zero ,But i lost the most importabt person and support of my life and i couldn’t do anything to have her back.
    It is just getting too hard to bear!

    #94399
    vinni
    Participant

    @anita

    I have asked her what is the reason that you don’t have those feelings for me,
    She has just started her hectic schedule and the work,and her studies taking a lot toll on her,
    Actually since after i came back home after i lost the job,that job was too important for us because we were together at work hours too and were very close and happy at that time,
    But after loosing that job,I kindof lost my confidence and self steem and i didn’t handel that situation in constructive way,I don’t know why,But she hold on to me ,always trying to encourage me,suport me in every way possible
    I guess it was too hard for her to see me wasting my time and u guess at that moment wheb i was not taking her and our life and relation seriously she was too in Pain.
    But for last 3 months i started to recover,and I started to support her in every possible way i could,
    BUT i even shared my problems and concern that she didn’t talk to me the way she used to,And i can understand you are in lot of pressure because your job,
    But we always sort it out, But at christmas eve,She said she can not adjust with me now anymore,and also that she is adjusting from our college times,and she just cannot feel the way she used to feel for me,after that i told her i am not ready to give up,she said okay,but after that she became cold and harsh.
    And last sunday she told me she is sufficating from this relation, I am supporting her in every point of her life like she did and i used to,and she does not have any feelings left for me, i said i love you,and she said i know ,but she didn’t.
    I told her you take your time.
    She said okay,and asked me i wait for her i said always.
    And she wait for me too when i set my career.
    But yesterday she told me i can’t give commitment that i will wait for youbor not.
    And she said even after taking time,her feelings and decision will remain same then what, I said i’ll try again.
    Then she told me that if she realised that this is a mistake ,breaking up with me,Then she calls back otherwise she will never call me back.
    And till then she doesnot want to talk.
    I told her if this is youb want and wish for then be it.
    I think she just got confused with her future plans and career,that I am just not important to her anymore, I think the way i treated her when i was not in my right mind, I broke her heart .too and all those anger frustation , and not work and career stress leads to this.
    And now its over,and the more i tried to make everything right, the worst my relationship get.
    We were too happy together,It is hard to give up on her,but i can not do anything now,
    She is not going to understand ever now ‘cuz she doesn’t want to and she do not want to try she does not want to be with the guy who gives love a lot more importance than anything,who is not practical.
    I am just broke now ‘cuz at age if 24 not only i have to start career from zero ,But i lost the most importabt person and support of my life and i couldn’t do anything to have her back.
    It is just getting too hard to bear

    #94402
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear vinni:

    i must say I like it that she is very clear with you, that she is assertive. I am sad for you that you lost not only your job but the most important person in your life. This is very unfortunate and your pain is understandable, the pain of loss and your inability, as hard as you tried, to get her back.

    But back to her decisiveness and assertiveness, at least you have that; knowing her position and not having to guess about it. At least you know. You don’t have your old job and you don’t have her, but you have this knowing: that she is done with you and that indeed there is nothing you can do about it.

    This kind of pain that you are going through, with knowing clearly what is going on (it is over), you can overcome it, with time. The pain will ease up and you will feel better and better… and you will love again and you will be loved, again.

    You already took responsibility for your behaviors that contributed to the breakup and you will notice in the future, in your next relationship, when things get tough, to not reject your loving partner,but to allow her to comfort you and help you.

    There is this other thing: even without your rejecting her for two months, it is possible that the relationship would have ended anyway: there are other factors, some which you mentioned. You don’t know all there is to know about those other factors and probably, there is no point in knowing. But it is not ALL YOUR doing.

    Please do post again and again, for as long as you need to…

    anita

    #94408
    vinni
    Participant

    @anita

    Thank you for your help!
    I am not sad because She do not feel the way i feel,
    It is just that i have done everything possible so that we can be together always,never pressure her to do the things which she do not want do,and help her care for her in every possible way for the past 6 years, I understand i had hurt her,So did she, But i have not given up.
    What hurts ne just that people make promises that they can not keep.
    I am not made that way,I never lie and never get back to the promises i make.
    Just because i am going through bad phase of my life does not mean i don’t want to make everthing right!
    I love her so much and give her so much importance that i list my self worth,and niw she told me that I have never told you to give me and love so much importance,more than your life.
    I really wish she will always be Happy and successful.
    But after loving someone so much It ended like this,It is just a cruel way of life!
    And i know pain will fade away,
    But it is unbearable,I hope it will end soon.
    And i am already moving out to new place may ve that helps me to Find the Lost Pieces of me Again.And embrace the life as it is not the way i wanted.

    Thank you again
    This is helpful by knowing there are so much people who care about others so much,who got hurt,are helping each other.
    MAY be i’ll find the girl who accepts my Worst like she will accept my best,I really thought she was the one but who knows?.
    Hopeing the pain will end soon.

    #94419
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear vinni:

    The pain will end soon enough… over time, it will. You let it be and it will pass on like the weather: the weather changes, clouds clear up, the fog dissipates, the sun comes out… and so is our emotional state, if we let it be… it changes.

    I believe I understand your pain, it is that loss, the disappointment in promises not kept, of the weakness of her love for you, that it didn’t carry through the bad times. You loving her so much, this means you are a loving person. This is who you are, loving. It is a good thing, only it hurts when the woman you love stops loving you…

    You are welcome, vinni, and please do continue to post, again and again, when you feel bad and when you feel better, and I will respond every time. And over time, you will see, it will get better.

    anita

    #94555
    vinni
    Participant

    @anita

    It is geting so much harder ,
    The pain is ripping me apart,
    All of a sudden i burst into tears i tried to control it the more i tried more suffocating i feel.
    I just think why this all happened to me ,
    Last year was too tough on me, i have lost everything.
    This is not fair!
    Hope this pain will end soon, i can not bear it for too long.

    #94567
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear vinni:

    You wrote above: “i tried to control it the more i tried more suffocating i feel”- it is better to express the emotion, to not resist them, to not try to control them, because what we resist- persists. Your emotions (emotion= energy-in-motion) need the motion from inside to outside. So do cry, do post here and cry while you type, cry when you read this… cry any time. Let the sadness be and move from your inside out, again and again.

    Then be patient with yourself, do not try to rush feeling better, let it be.

    And notice, when you are distressed, as you are now, the human brain naturally works over time to resolve the distress. Problem is thinking is not good when distressed. For thinking to be sensible and helpful, we need to be calm. So try not to think much by relaxing as much as you can by maybe listening to music, getting into some slow moving exercise/ stretching (like yoga) or other exercise.

    Please do post again!

    anita

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