My boyfriend of 5 months and I just broke up yesterday. I wrote about how I wanted to tell him “I love you” in another post and everyone suggested waiting and they were partly right, but then again we broke up for different reasons.

He came over to my apartment and we had a normal visit like usual, but somehow got on the topic of marriage and how he doesn’t see it for himself. He thinks his parents have an unhappy marriage and bicker and that it just breeds contempt. I asked if he had any issue with our relationship and he brought up petty things. I don’t finish my coffee or my plate of food often and I asked him for more but he couldn’t think of anything. I said that this worried me that he seemed so against long-term relationships and what was he doing with me then? He said he felt that we were having a good relationship but if he was going to be honest he doesn’t see it long-term. He says we’re too different, but the ways he described were not true values, they were just more petty things. I use plastic bags (I actually use them for things, don’t just throw them away), our sleep schedules are too different (he wakes up at 4am though and doesn’t sleep well alone at home either), and other ridiculous things. He said he get along really well and that’s why things would likely build up in time, because neither of us would want to rock the boat and bring up issues. He says he doesn’t likely see himself with anyone long-term and marriage has always just been a fantasy.

I asked him if he was afraid and had had other bad experiences in past relationships, and asked if there was cheating but he wont talk about it. I told him then that I can’t believe I was trying to find a time to tell him I love him, and here he was having no inclination of having a longterm relationship with me. He said he never planned to have this conversation and thought we could go on having a good time together. But he knew I was looking for long-term. He said he did love me in a way, but it’s not a one and only kind of love. He also doesn’t think he’ll find that and will likely stay alone for life. None of it makes sense based on his actions and the way he pursued things with me. He acted like a boyfriend and the day before this he was with me and my family for a birthday party. He was extremely loving and affection and generous with time and everything else. He never pulled back in any way and never mentioned these issues before. He said he’d like to keep seeing me casually, but that is up to me. Nothing about our relationship has been casual and I highly doubt there is another person he’s seeing. We’ve been exclusive this entire time, I don’t think that is an issue. He said he hoped for stronger feelings, but I guess he doesn’t have them. He was hoping for the best outcome, but then he also sees all these “differences” between us. I’ve been introduced to his family and him mine, but he never introduced me to friends. I told him now I see why, because you never intended for me to be permanent. I cried and he felt uncomfortable eventually and left. He said sorry for making you cry. That’s what I get after almost six months of thinking we were headed down a similar path, with no indication that he felt weirdly. Everyone says at least I found out sooner rather than later. He probably would’ve continued on seeing me. He wants all the benefits of a relationship, all the good parts, but he isn’t really strong enough to have one.

I just feel so disheartened and played for a fool. I can’t believe he doesn’t have strong feelings, because of how loving he acted. Our relationship was full and did not just involve sex.

I keep trying to think myself out of it, telling myself he’s just not the one for me, he’s not capable of a real healthy relationship and doesn’t value what I was giving, but it’s sooo hard for me right now.