Greenshade –

I’m sincerely sorry that you are going through this difficult time.

Although your post was short, you obviously have a lot going on here. Low self-esteem, self-sabotage, feeling of worthlessness, … they can develop from a variety of areas. Sometimes we intentionally create such negative energy and beliefs (although obviously very unhealthy) – only to then covet and protect what we’ve created. Ultimately, the toxicity of our negative thoughts fills us with regret – and “negative downward spiral” only continues. A very vicious circle.

I am glad that you are seeing a therapist and that they are helping you feel empowered. Can you share any more of what your therapist is saying that is helping you feel more empowered? If you don’t feel comfortable sharing, that is perfectly understandable. Still, I believe that in order to offer any helpful insight on this thread we would need a little more input, history, etc.

Peace to you today.

Ninja

For me, an introvert who was taught that other people’s needs came before mine the problem of self-esteem was a problem of how I imagined other people saw me. Through nature and nurture would judge myself on what I thought others thought of me and of course compare my life with how I imagine others’ lives are. Even if others told me I had value I imagined they were just being nice and didn’t mean it.

I was allowing others, imagined others, to define my self-esteem.

You could say that my sense of self and self-esteem wasn’t based on who I was, the things I did, or the roles I took on but on imagination…. And my imagination sucked. Worse i discovered that apparently people, especially strangers, didn’t actually spend much time thinking about me or caring about my self-esteem that I was giving them power over.

One of the first steps in taking ownership of my self-esteem was coming to terms with what it meant to be an introvert in what I felt/feel is a extroverted world. To much of my self-esteem was tied to being ashamed of being a introvert and not being ‘outgoing’, exciting, a story teller, life of the party…

The following books were helpful as I learned the value of being an introvert and how it opened me to experience the world that could be helpful in my career and relationships.

QUIET: the Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain

I had often been told that I “think too much” and should just accept the things I was told. When I talked about what I was thinking about, a problem I was working through, others heard it as being negative or pessimistic… yet I felt optimistic

Thinking about things is part of my nature as was working through problems by identifying issues and strategies for dealing with them. However these well intention influences were telling me not to me.

In The Positive Power of Negative Thinking by Julie Norem I realized that my thinking too much was not being negative but a strategy. I discovered I was an optimist that believed that when I looked at a problem and worked out the ways things might go wrong I could and would correct those issue and everything would work out. You don’t want a strategic extrovert building your bridges you want a defensive introvert.

I guess I’m saying that my sense of self-esteem improved when took ownership of of my nature and nurture. Instead of imagining who I was I worked at finding and examining my nature and nurture. How I do things had value, who I am has value.

I won’t lie I still dream of being the extrovert that everyone loves (I imagine loves) but at my core that’s not me. However that not being me does not have to have any bearing on my sense of worth..

Anyway I hope you well on your quest for self-esteem and it is a quest as only you can find it and in finding it take ownership of it.

Trust your quest and that it has value because it is your quest! Allow yourself to be the person you are, the good the bad and the ugly. Be you!

In the thirteenth-century legend Quest for the Grail, when the vision of the veiled Grail appears to the knights in Arthur’s banquet hall to summon them each to their quest of unveiling it, the knights decide to ride forth singly, for to go in a group would have been shameful. This is the point which Campbell – the greatest mythologist of this century – holds up as testimony to a new moral initiative that is of the essence of European spirituality.

When all the knights had put on their arms, attended Mass and expressed their gratitude to their king, they ‘entered into the forest, at one point and another, there where they saw it to be thickest, all in those places where they found no way or path …. So they start their journey as individuals, each trusting to their own authority and to the mysterious power of their calling. Jules Cashford

Follow your Path

“If you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.” ― Joseph Campbell

“If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it’s not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That’s why it’s your path.” ― Joseph Campbell

“As you proceed through life, following your own path, birds will shit on you. Don’t bother to brush it off. Getting a comedic view of your situation gives you spiritual distance. Having a sense of humor saves you.” ― Joseph Campbell

• This reply was modified 8 years ago by Peter.

Hi Greenshade,
Actually I agree in Brav3. To build self esteem is to explore yourself. The therapist will say anything you want to here. But the thing is it’s only you who can help yourself. If you’re not helping yourself then going to the therapist will be wasted.
I’m actually trying to build my self esteem and it’s kinda hard. It might take a while but I know it will be worth it.
Goodluck to every one of us in overcoming it. May God help us all.

Jax the wanderer.