Sweetheart:

Hi, how are you? Silly question right? First of all Please put the bat down. Stop beating yourself up my love you do not deserve it. I’m pretty sure we all have told white lies to serve whatever purpose whether business personal whatnot.. Sure more details would be helpful but the very apparent thing here is the lack of acceptance you have for yourself and the lack of love for yourself and that is a difficult and long journey, whatever the reason is whatever dynamic you grew up with it’s time to start the journey. I have dealt with a lot of crap and I have gone through a lot of therapy and what I learned is people think of me is none of my business. Yes we all need friends we all want to be accepted it’s a typical human desire. I spent a good bit of time alone with myself and at that time I truly didn’t like myself so it wasn’t exactly the best of company. These were the painful times “the Armageddon” and I need to tell you that this is a time that I truly grew as a person and learned to like myself. Right now in this very time I’m concerned for you and my heart hurts for you because I know where you’re at and it’s not a good space but if you cannot believe believe that I believe everything is going to be okay. I was told to look in the mirror and say I love myself the called affirmations it sounds hokey but do it I am no psychotherapist or anything like that but I have experience in self-loathing. Journal your thoughts to get them out of that beautiful head of yours. You sound like a very sweet person you don’t deserve this and if somebody doesn’t like you for you are especially when you’re going through hard times they’re not a friend. Friends except you when you’re going through hard times they ask you if you’re okay and can they help they don’t tell you what a huge pile of crap you are when you’re at your lowest point that’s not friendship. Sounds like there’s something deeper going on with them as well if you get pleasure by inflicting pain, there’s a word for that it’s probably a clinical word possibly a diagnosis not sure i’m not a doctor. I am sure without knowing you that you’re very kind and sweet person you would help someone if you’re walking down the street and he saw young woman crying I bet you any amount of money that you would stop and say are you okay.

One thing that absolutely helped me is I began to just try I try doing things that I wasn’t used to doing it because I knew that something had to give. When I was battling depression exercise is last thing that I wanted to do but I knew that it’s been clinically proven to fight depression or help at least so I began
to walk and I’m going to tell you what if the best thing that could’ve ever done so. I’m so glad that you posted this because you are reaching out and this is actually taking action for yourself. So things that helped me is I cut out people that weren’t for me or helpful-accepting.ect. I prayed for help, I learned Yoga which is very helpful. There are all kinds of YouTube videos on how to do things. I’m sure you get a lot of feedback here just take care of yourself do something nice for yourself even if it’s just showering,doing your hair and makeup, if you can go to the consignment shop and get a new shirt. Main thing is here is why should you be so undeserving of love and happiness what have you really done to deserve such despair? Please just don’t give up recognize the beauty within yourself and what you have to offer you may need to find new friends,they won’t know you and if you were telling white lies just practice being honest you have nothing to hide you just alone are enough. Make the decision to stop hating yourself don’t believe everything that you breathe. People of had lots of opinions about me my whole life and I used to succumb to them not anymore I just say keep breathing and MoveOn. Someone doesn’t like me and really that’s their problem I know I’m good personably so don’t intentionally hurt people and I have a caring heart, for some reason mean people like to hurt people like us. Study hard in school and give yourself a chance to really become who you were meant to be don’t give up to your emotions exercise to fight the depression smile when you want to cry, and education is the best thing you could do for yourself and you deserve it give it a chance!!!!!!

so basically what I’m saying is stop hating yourself and beating yourself up, get up and go walk -do some jumping jacks take a shower put on some shiny lipgloss and do not listen to depressing music set-listen to happy music something that makes you feel good be around people that make you feel good if that’s no one then fine go to church or somewhere where people are genuinely nice to people try department store were people say hi welcome to such and such how are you today. Please give yourself a fighting chance love yourself you are beautiful and worthy of love,good luck and please keep me updated I hope I didn’t offend you but I have a very personal reason for being worried. Life is too short and no one deserves this no one