Hi everyone!

I have just read a guide that told  me how to win my ex back. On the guide it said not to  call your ex so many times, be aggressive or pushy, or tell your partner what to do like they shouldn’t see the person like the new bf. I have already completed the mistakes. And i indirectly did the no contact period ppl do to win their ex back. Basically she and I went out for 4 yrs, 2.5 in the same city and 1.5 across the world, long distance. The relationship was working out but due to my job, i started getting constantly mad at her a lot and taking it out on her. there was a time where I emotionally cheated on her by sending texts to an ex and acting on it but not physically. She forgave me twice on this (this was 2-3 yrs in) but rn it seems she sees me as this angry guy that may cheat on her again, even though i have never slept with anybody else during our relationship and i haven’t slept with or talked to anyone in the last 8 months, and 16 since I last saw her. She is in Japan and i am in the states. I went to see her and she met up with me, no sexual things happened cuz i respected her space. After i left, i did the NC thing without realizing it because i thought it was hopeless. She broke up with the guy who was married for papers and started talking to me. She claimed he was a rebound. Well that guy divorced the long distance girl ex he had and made it seemed like it was a move for her. I got jealous and started calling a lot. She tells me everything so i also pushed her by saying if she slept with him, i will see her as a slut and walk away. But seeing as how he’s there in the same city and I’m here in the states. He was presistent and they got back but she was still confused. She told me a couple of weeks later and i have had little outbursts of being emotional just as things start to patch up. Im ready to stop. I also tell her i want to marry and have kids. The other guy is also showing her he wants a future. Generally she talks to me often. I feel like when she stops, thats when I’ll know. I have told her i will move to Japan soon and she gets defensive. So i have told her i will get her a visa instead as another option. Basically from this point forward i know i have to establish an emotional connection with her but it seems the other guy is doing the right things like listening being honest, and telling her to move to his country. I know her and she’s sharing a lot, and i know the moment she stops it’s over. Recently i have had weekly emotional outbursts but thankfully she still talks ti me. We are constantly talking about the past and that i never showed marriage interest but im 27 and i clearly said i wasn’t planning on marrying until 30. She’s it for me. I want to marry her. There was also the time where i stood her up when i visited because she made it seem like i was 3rd or 4th option. At this point the No contact method isn’t viable. I know i have to climb MT. EVEREST as a non excersiser but WHAT CAN I DO FROM HERE ON OUT? I know it looks grim but I believe. She wouldn’t talk to me if she didn’t want to marry.

One  of the things that I want to mention is she keeps comparing us because she wants to see who she wants to have a future with according to her best friend. When I was in Japan and I went to see her I was always sad everyday. Like I said she was making me feel like the third or fourth option but she still saw me three times.  I was surprised that I mustered up the courage to go see her. But that made me kind of being a state of mind of sadness when I still was here with her. So I try to cope with live streaming our adventures.  apparently you that bothered her because I was using the phone while we were going from place to place. That was one of the reasons why we kind of broke up or she sees that to be slightly negative. Well we went out I was slightly complaining and was a little bit down. She Compares me to him because that’s like the last recollection she has a me she says that I don’t like to go out that much and she and the other guy does that I focus on streaming that Martian the other guy doesn’t argue as much as we do. Since I am in the states and she and the other guy in Japan I feel like I have to move. I feel like she is it and I am willing to do anything and everything to get her back.  I understand she’s in another relationship right now but she has only been with the guy for around four months well me and her share 4 years together.  it has actually started to bother me now that I am waiting for her and they are sexually active.  she talks to me though a lot.  because I want to marry her and I feel like I lost her trust that we once had or I slightly lost it. So what do I do to cope and win her back.  the last three days I have been actually feeling anxiety about this situation. And like waiting for her messages and being overly obsessed with the situation. Thanks guys! Have a fantastic day!