Home→Forums→Relationships→Can't get over my ex
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April 19, 2014 at 4:21 pm #55020RayParticipant
I knew my ex on a wedding of my friend. We fell in love very soon and had 3 splendid months being together before she went abroad for study. We were engaged before she left. I felt so happy about my life and my future. After she left, we kept in touch through social media and I also applied for another school that is 3 hrs away from her school. I got admitted. Before I went abroad, we had 5 months of long distance relationship. During that period of time, she was under pressure for studying and I met some frustrations in my life, which made me very depressive during that period of time. We kept contacting each other, but I complaint a lot to her about the unfortunates in my life. Finally she was angry about my life attitude. So I promised that I would be positive.
5 months later we reunited again. I had one free month before I started my school. I thought things would finally be better as we were together again. But she told me that she could not find the previous feeling about me and was unhappy all the time. She was picky to my minor bad habits. I tried hard to make her happy, but things went ups and downs. One months later, she told me that she was thinking maybe i was not the one in her life. I was so sad and cried, and she told me it was just a thinking. Then she wrote a list of all kinds of my flaws to me, I was shocked but I promised I would improve myself.
I left her to start my school. Still, I spent 6 hours on a round trip to meet her monthly. I would call her every night, but she began to tell me that she was too busy and don’t have time for a chat. So I gave her time and space. After that, thing went worse and worse, and she began to speak some ridiculous words to hurt me. I was really tolerated and didn’t fight back. One week later, just before Vday, she told me she got an intern offer and I made a call immediately to congratulate. However, I was confused cuz she was so cold in the phone. I didn’t even know why. So i text her and ask “Is there anything you don’t satisfied?” and she reply ” i was not happy during the past half year. It’s time for a breakup”.
The next week was horrible to me. I tried to use every strategy to get her back, but all of them didn’t work. I kept searching online and learned that I had to use “No Contact” while change myself during No contact period. I tried very hard to keep no contact and during the same time , went to gym to workout and make changes to myself. I was very proud of my improvement. So one month later, I text her, emailed her. No reply. I was disappointed but still hold the hope that if I keep focusing on building up myself, she will come back in the future and I am quite patient. So one month again, and i started to call her. She didn’t answer. The next day she told me it was over. I didn’t give up and tried to text her one week later cuz i dreamed of her in the morning. The dream was that she finally come back to me. I really hoped that the dream would come true. But the next day, I received an astonishing msg, she told me that she was dating with someone else.
My world collapse. How could the guy pursue a fiancee of others? How could she dating with others just after 2 months’ break? Then I told myself She is not the one in my life. But i felt so bad during the past week and can’t concentrate on anything at hand. I ‘ve talked with my friends and family. They were all very nice and helpful. But I still feel great pain in my heart and I ‘m really worried about myself, cuz I will have several exams next week. All of my friends advised me to kill the hope and move on, which i did want to do. But I keep thinking of her everyday. Sometimes when I imagined that she was staying with another guy, I felt so miserable.
I invest all of my love into this relationship. I was happily telling everyone that she was my fiancee and we planned to marry after we graduated. I went abroad to pursue my higher education, mostly because of her. I treated her as my fiancee and really believe that we could get through all the difficulties and be together for our whole life. But she changed. She didn’t keep our promise that no matter what happened, we would get through together. She was selfish and determined. I don’t know where to go. Since this year is so important to me, I don’t want to ruin my study. But she used to be all my hope for the future. We planned a lot about our future life, detailed to how many dogs and how many children. I don’t know where to go. Maybe she was bluffing? But i don’t really want to check it.
April 19, 2014 at 9:02 pm #55024LunaParticipanthey there.
I thin you’re very heart broken right now because again, i keep seeing this in every person who is broken hearted and can’t get over it..
is:
1.you did not understand why and how she have become so cold, you guys were in love.
2.You never have an explain from her
3.No comfort from her, and you don’t understand how a person used to love you, going to be your fiancé can be so heartless.
4. You live and do everything for her, study for her and invest your time on her and do whatever you can to make her fall in love with you again.. you did way too much.
5. You have bee rejected by her many times so it makes you want to chase her more and more.
Please read this, you may can get some motivation and can relate to this man.
She might have lied to you about if she have moved on. But find out once you’re ready, i mean words will come around.. Don’t look for it now as you’re not ready but just believe that she is moving on anyways. But if you can’t do that, the best way is to know and find out and face your fear. Once you know there is nothing left, you won’t come back.. This is what i can offer you right now.
I hope you’ll find your self in time.
What i wrote to that man, is also my words to you too 🙂
Please move on, you’re a good man and life have so much to offer and if you don’t let go of the old, the new beginning will never start.
peace and love <3April 20, 2014 at 6:05 am #55032RayParticipantDear luna, thanks so much for your comforting words.You’re so nice and helpful. Though I tried very hard, Every morning is still so painful for me. Different thoughts may comes up. Yesterday I made my decision to end everything. Today I am so eager to get her back again…I tried to find every possible reasons, perhaps she was just bluffing; perhaps she is in a rebound relationship and she will end it very soon; perhaps she’s also suffering from our apart.
Then I began to remember all the scenes we dated before. So much good memories. I can’t stop myself thinking about what I could have done so that we wouldn’t breakup. I also tried to remember all the negative traits of her. She kept demanding me while she did nothing for me. Still I can forgive her and just hope everything can be rehashing again.
How can I Persuade myself to give up? Or how can I get her back? I really want to write a long mail to move her, but I know my chances are slim and all that I receive will be reconfirmation that it’s over.
April 20, 2014 at 10:26 pm #55074Jennie90ParticipantHi dear,
Well first of be enough strong and bold. I know its quite difficult to forget somebody you loved so deeply. But dude let me tell you one thing. No matter how far you were if she really loved you she would have stayed with you and support you. By now with her attitude you have been able to see her truth. Be grateful you have not yet been married. Just think for a while, what would have been your case after marriage? Just take care of yourself right now. Focus on yourself and who knows the right girl might be waiting for you somewhere. Open the doors of your heart and your mind. Do things that keep you happy. If you are happy, your surroundings would be filled with happiness. Happiness will follow your path. Please keep smiling! 🙂April 21, 2014 at 9:57 am #55112RayParticipantDear Luna, after asking explanation from my ex, i feel much better to move on because I see a huge gap between us, which is not worthy my efforts. You were absolutely right that She rejected me more while I invested more, which makes a vicious cycle. In addition, I know she’s not lying. But it doesn’t matter to me now. It’s over. Her life is irrelevant to mine.
April 21, 2014 at 10:01 am #55113RayParticipantDear Sharvina,
Thanks so much for your encouragement. I like your idea that no matter how far you were if she really loved you she would have stayed with you and support you. Now I’ve seen the truth. Your every word deserves my thinking. I think I will move on soon.April 21, 2014 at 10:36 am #55115Jennie90ParticipantDear Lunarforest,
Well carry on, with courage and support of your friends. We are here to advise you. here’s another girl Lucie , who needs our guide and help i think. Let’s find some way out dude.
April 21, 2014 at 12:04 pm #55127LunaParticipanthi there 🙂 its nice that your user name is also luna but with an ‘r’ at the end 😀 hahha
Anyways, sorry for the late reply. I was thinking the same thing if i was to read your message earlier. If you was to send her email you should. If you were wanting to reach to her for an explanation, you should. Whatever you want or need to do, you should. And after whatever that you should do, you will feel better and whatever the result maybe, you now know the answer 🙂
See, whatever you feel right.. follow it, follow your heart. it never lead you to the wrong place 🙂
I wish you all the best, this will be a great journey ahead of you, from today new beginning <3 -
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