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Can't Recieve Light?

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  • May 1, 2014 at 7:13 am #55690
    chelsea
    Participant

    Something strange just happened. I was doing this meditation:

    http://www.youtube.com/embed/8-VKFsSHDM0

    During the part where I was picturing my boyfriend in front of me, I could send him love and light with no problem. But when it came to receiving his love and light, I got stuck! I could not make myself take hold of it. I am not surprised by this in a way because it is hard for me to trust in my relationship due to issues with my father and my low self-esteem. For example, my boyfriend constantly tells me how beautiful I am (on top of a hundred other sweet compliments) but most of the time, I find a way to deny it or tell him he’s crazy. You know? What can I do to receive love and light during this meditation or in life in general?

    • This topic was modified 10 years, 7 months ago by chelsea.
    May 1, 2014 at 7:45 am #55694
    Gavin
    Participant

    Hi Chelsea.. Maybe you and your boyfriend need to spend some time just connecting more? Do you feel as if you have too comfortable a relationship with your other half, meaning do you consciously perceive one another in your lives or just bump into each other as a matter of course? Not really taking one another for granted as such, but maybe it’s something to think over – do you do lots of things together that are the same or similar to the things which brought you together in the first place? Maybe a few little connectivity exercises such as those might coax things into life? Am I anywhere near the mark? hehe

    May 1, 2014 at 5:27 pm #55718
    chelsea
    Participant

    You’re so right, actually. We mostly have opposite work schedules so I don’t feel like we connect as much as we’d like. Sex is rare, unfortunately. And when we are together, I am bitter about the fact that we never see each other, especially when he wants to take time away from us to go do some things that make him happy like fishing or skateboarding. I get jealous sometimes when his time goes to other things when we already have so little time together as a couple. I’m struggling with this right now. I just miss him and love him so much. In a perfect world we would travel and be together all the time. haha 🙂

    May 1, 2014 at 10:07 pm #55735
    Gavin
    Participant

    I’d like to pry a little on a couple of things if that’s ok.. Firstly your work schedules – how much do they compromise your time together? Secondly, how do you and your boyfriend define relationships? I’m making a bit of an assumption that you’re steeped in Buddhism somewhat, but just in case I’d pause to wonder whether you’re focussed too much on him and the things which are blocking connection between the two of you, and allowing them to foster stress between the two of you.. I’m not placing any blame anywhere, but I’m guessing maybe you don’t look much towards the things you like about life yourself, such as hobbies or the things that make you “you”? I can understand how you would naturally focus on the issue of problem connections between the two of you if you do feel that’s missing though, and how it would exacerbate things. How does your boyfriend feel about how the two of you stand? It sounds like you really just need to make some time for the two of you to just sit and talk things through. Depending upon your circumstances and plans as they stand, maybe it’s time for the two of you to up stakes or at least make those plans to do that travelling you’d like to do? 🙂

    May 1, 2014 at 10:22 pm #55736
    chelsea
    Participant

    Thank you for your replies, Gavin!

    Our work schedules typically go with me working 8am to 5pm and him working 3pm to 9pm or 5pm to 2am, depending on which job. As far as relationships, we both define them as a total commitment. No prospects, just focusing on building a future together and becoming better, as individuals and a couple. I wouldn’t be with him if I didn’t see and feel a real life together. I am currently picking up hobbies that make me feel better about myself because I notice my own jealously when he leaves to go and do his thing. As far as how he feels about us, he says he wants to marry me and that i’m the “perfect woman for him”. He’s very, very sweet.

    And about traveling, I actually won a trip to Branson, MO for three days and two nights that is good for any time within the year. I randomly entered a contest at the Opry Mills malls in Nashville, and got a call that I won last week. This is funny because I wrote down in my journal about manifesting some travel and there you have it. I still can barely believe it! 🙂

    May 1, 2014 at 10:25 pm #55737
    chelsea
    Participant

    @gavrev said:
    I’d pause to wonder whether you’re focussed too much on him and the things which are blocking connection between the two of you, and allowing them to foster stress between the two of you.. I’m not placing any blame anywhere, but I’m guessing maybe you don’t look much towards the things you like about life yourself, such as hobbies or the things that make you “you”?

    i think you nailed it.

    May 2, 2014 at 12:10 am #55738
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hey Chelsea,

    Gavin’s point is definitely right. I have faced a similar issue a while ago and here are my two cents-

    No relationship is about being together all the time. We all have our things to do and they make us who we are. Your boyfriend has quite a hectic schedule but he wants to be with you nonetheless. Be patient with yourself and especially with him. He needs his sources of relaxation as well. Dont read it as neglecting your needs.

    If you had a schedule that demanded a great deal of time and made you tired, would you be in a super perky and warm mood? Usually not until you get some time off to relax a bit. Thats why he needs his time to have some fun but he definitely loves you. The only way you can bring balance is by getting more busy in what you love, talking about your needs while considering his state of mind as well.

    Enjoy your time alone and learn to find your own happiness outside him. The only way we can really take in love without hesitation is by actually filling up ourselves with love and compassion. If two people in love are happy with themselves and with eachother, thats when the magic happens 🙂

    – Moon

    May 2, 2014 at 12:54 am #55741
    Gavin
    Participant

    Those are unfortunate working hours aren’t they.. :o/ Well, I think judging by your reflections and response that filling some of your time with personal pursuits and enthusiasms seems to be at least a bit of a way forwards. I don’t think it’s the whole solution though. You do still need to sit and have a chat over things I think, and I know it’s probably difficult for him to change working hours, but that might be something that could be looked into on a longer term basis. For now I’d just address your concerns together, see what can be done to help the two of you with more time together, or maybe it’s even just a case of looking inwardly at what you can do to help yourself feel a bit more fulfilled and conversely see where that takes the two of you! For certain you might look at infusing the time you do have together with better quality!? That’s the fastest, best solution to any social situation lacking in volume! Good luck! Keep in touch and let us know how it goes. Any more problems or thoughts, add them here too! Glad to help, and nice words Moon! 🙂

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 7 months ago by Gavin.
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