Hi Jessa !

Thank you for sharing that. It reminds me so much of myself a year ago. I had been in emotionally abusive relationships for most of my life and had exactly the same problem opening up. I thought too much before I said things. I thought that, when I did say something, it had to be “just right” or or nobody would have any interest. After therapy and learning to be honest with myself about what I was feeling in every moment, I was able to gain self acceptance. Which led to confidence, which then led to communicating with people for ME and from MY heart – not out of the need for validation.

STAY IN THE MOMENT. Focus on what moves YOU in every moment and begin to share those things as they come., I used to “plan” my sentences carefully before I said them – I was anxious about the NEXT moment instead of feeling and expressing the present – in all its beautiful simplicity.

For example today, I went to breakfast with someone I used to feel intimidated by due to my lack of sophistication -( I didnt think I had anything worthy of his interest to share). But today, I really enjoyed MY experience. I was genuinely happy and thankful that I was there. So….here is what I simply said: “thank you so much for taking me here. I actually love breakfast, but rarely have the time to enjoy it.” “There is nothing like good coffee in the morning” …. “I was so impressed by your project -and was wondering – what was your biggest challenge?”….and so on.

Basically, it may sound boring to an outsider, but we had a good conversation because I said what was genuinely on my mind and didnt worry once about what I was going to say – I expressed what I was feeling in THAT moment – and it felt great. It felt real. That small step will open doors for deeper conversations when the time is right for you. But “BE YOURSELF” . “LOVE YOURSELF”. You have so much to give and you are just as worthy. Trust yourself. You are important. You are beautiful. Communicate from a thankful and generous heart full of wonder at the gifts you can receive and share in every moment.

I wish you all the best – you can do this! You deserve to feel free:)
Love,
Annie

Jessa,

What helped me the most is to pay attention and rediscover the things I really enjoyed without any influence from anyone else. From music, to books, to hobbies, to clothes, to taking walks, and even what I liked to eat and drink….I asked myself: “If noone was here right now to approve or disapprove, what are all the little things that make up my personality and happiness?” “What else would I likd to learn more about?”
The moment I stopped looking around me and started looking inside me, I began to value myself. And, with practice, that creates self self confidence. Before you know it, you will become very comfortable with just being yourself.

Mistakes and things you would like to work on are all a part of that too. What I came to finally realize was that I am not perfect, will never be perfect and dont really need to try. Noone else is – and, we never seem to look down on others for their mistakes – it almost makes them seem more beautiful. You, like me and most everyone else, will continue to do the BEST we can with what we know at the time. Experience is a great teacher – so embrace every experience, mistake and celebrate them all – no two people have the exact same gifts and challenges. You ARE special. And by truly embracing each moment and the way YOU feel the most COMFORTABLE in each moment is what truly touches others around you. Communicate from the inside out! (Not from the the outside influence in 😉 )

There is a great book you can get on line called: “Healing Relationships From the Inside Out”. The advice applies to us as individuals and explains alot about finding and embracing our own identities.

You will be just fine – dont beat yourself up when you fall – smile and thank God for another lesson.

I hope that helps a little more – Take care!
-Annie