December 29, 2016 at 4:20 pm #123957
About 3 months ago (yeah i know pretty long i should be forgetting about this), I got In School Suspension for viewing inappropriate images in class. I know, stupid mistake, did the punishment, all that is gone now. The problem is everyone I knew thought what I did was so bad, it made me feel like crap. I've been known to be a great kid with great grades and behavior, but this one thing now makes me feel like I am a bad kid and that's something I for some reason cannot get rid of from my subconscious. I feel like when I look at bad things (E.G. Drugs, etc.), I feel like I'm gonna make a mistake involving that! This is something I can't escape and let go of and it's making me upset and viewing my friends as bad influences. My mind is a complete wreck right now because I can't do this alone, I need help! What should I do and how do i forgive my self and trust myself again? I want to go back to normal, when I had no regrets or worries in the world!December 29, 2016 at 5:32 pm #123960
The car goes were the eyes go. When a car enters a spin and your eyes stay fixed on the tree by the side of the road your afraid of hitting that is exactly what you will hit. The car goes were the eyes go.
In this moment of time and space you can't take your eyes off the memory of your mistake and so that is where your car/self goes. By focusing on this memory you intensify it and give it power. You are not required to be perfect, your are not expected to forget but you are expected to learn and in learning grow.
We are more then the sum of our parts, more then the things that we think or the things that we do. We make mistakes and hopefully we learn and then we do better. Learn better do better what more can we ask of ourselves. If someone close to you made the same error in judgment would you continue to define them by that single event for the rest of their life? We are asked to love our neighbor as our selves but often some of us treat others much better then they treat themselves. In this case it may be appropriate to love yourself as you would love others.December 29, 2016 at 7:30 pm #123966
Three months ago you were caught viewing inappropriate images in class, got suspended; peers in your class disapproved of you viewing those images, and now you feel that you are a bad person that can do a whole lot of other bad things… and how can you trust yourself, is that it? Are you feeling that you are out of control, that your badness can grow into a monstrous size anytime?
If so, you need to calm yourself, be it with aerobic exercise, guided meditation, relaxing music, a sauna… any helpful way to relax. At school, seek counseling. If you can see a competent counselor or therapist at school, or outside of school, that will help very much.
You got caught in all-or-nothing thinking. The little transgression of viewing inappropriate images (adult pornography, I imagine?) grew into something overwhelmingly bad in your mind. In reality, viewing the images was a SMALL transgression, a minor breaking of the rules.
It is like you are looking at one of those mirrors that distort the real images, making them look much bigger or disproportionate- you need a reliable mirror to fix what you see.
Do post again.
December 31, 2016 at 7:09 am #124059
- This reply was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by anita.
I promise you every person on the planet over the age of twelve has looked at inappropriate stuff on purpose before. Even the girls. The kids (and especially the adults!) who think you're bad are projecting their own shame onto you. Why should you be different than anybody else? Stop being a scapegoat, especially in your own mind. If anyone mentions it again (they won't, and if they do, that's the problem) say, “You aren't over that yet?” or “Oh yeah I forgot all about that! They should really have better security on the school computers, jeez!”
Have a Happy New Year!