I am in a very similar situation right now so I hope I can spread a little bit of insight even though I’m a bit confused myself. My boyfriend (ex) and I have been together 4 years. Never in my life have I felt the way I do. We fell in love quickly and loved vigorously but through much turmoil and many unsolved problems, it seems my feelings started to change. I became almost uninterested, withdrawn and he could sense that. We decided to call it quits about 3 months ago. I kept telling myself I was going to work on myself and enjoy being single and maybe a little freedom is just what I needed. The situation started out ok because we were still living together and raising kids mutually so it was almost like I still got to keep him around as my best friend, but had the freedom to do what I wanted. But, it quickly changed. I realized that the flirting and other men that all of a sudden started throwing their attention at me felt pretty flattering at first, but it just wasn’t the same. I kept trying to convince myself that after all the years of not solving problems or things not working out it was for the best to be apart and tried my hardest to seperate my feelings and tried to be cold and disconnected. But, I kept getting lost in him and it’s been a constant daily struggle of wondering if I made the right decision. What about when he moves out for good, or even worse what if he finds someone new? What if he doesn’t feel the same anymore and we don’t work out down the road? Everyone goes through trials and tribulations in their relationships and it can get confusing. We’re exactly alike in so many ways, yet so different at the same time. You can never predict the future of you relationship, the only thing you can do is put your best foot forward and try to be better, to make it work. Don’t let the doubt and insecurity cloud your judgement. If you love this man, and you think he’s worth fighting for, than fight. No one is perfect. To me, the idea of a relationship is that YOU help him become a better version of himself while he helps you do the same. Distance shouldn’t matter. The first year and a half of our relationship he lived 8 hours away from me and we still managed to make it work. It’s easy to take advantage of what you have and then realize you shouldn’t of once it’s gone. Don’t let the fear hold you back from what could be a lifetime of happiness. At the end of the day, even if it doesn’t work out you can look at yourself proudly and say, “I tried my absolute best”. I hope things work out for you.

As one who has just been just devastated by my girlfriend of over three years suddenly saying her feelings had changed and we were done,let me ask a question. Please excuse the cynicism, as I find each day a struggle as I try to accept the reality at hand…
From reading the posts, both of you were the ones that decided to end the relationship, and no you are questioning your decisions? Maybe you should have thought about it a little more initially, or as in my case, perhaps mentioned that something was bothering you. I really resent the “See if there is someone better” outlook…silly me, thinking love would be involved. It’s not a deli folks, you don’t get to try a sample and expect your old standby to be there waiting for you if you decide you still like the old..These are peoples lives, their hearts.Are you perhaps missing the relationship more than the person, or maybe you are just grieving..a relationship ending is a loss, and we feel loss and pain, but that is not the same as missing someone and the love you had together. I was, by all accounts,a “good guy”- never drank, never did drugs or gambled, never abusive, good career, doting over her…but none of it matters-she just isn’t in love with me. She has moved on. I am crushed.

Sorry for the anger in the post, I’m just amazed people choose to end a relationship rather than put the work in and then question their decision.