So this might be a really long story but here goes…

About 7 months ago, I found out that my SO cheated on me in the beginning of the relationship with a girl he knew on and off for about 6 years. We were dating at that time for about 3 months and I didn’t find out until basically a year later. At that time, it was really tough and I decided to forgive him. I know this may be a shock to most people but during that time I went through all the emotions, consistently tried to make him break up with me, and also slept with someone else. I realized what he did was very hurtful and have communicated that he will only receive one more chance. After that, there are no more screw ups because we will be done. I know people make terrible mistakes out of selfishness and to pursue their own interests because that is something that was taught to them. After hearing his side, I believed that a little too. Again, I would not be too benevolent and I understand he walks around on eggshells at times because of this.

Fast forward to now, I wanted to piece my life back together. I finally submitted an application to grad school and the anxiety of waiting to hear a response is absolutely sickening. The worse part is I compare myself at times to others and the worst of all I am comparing myself to the girl he cheated on me with. She also got into grad school and left. I knew this was a stupid thought but I was thinking to myself, “Maybe, I am not as smart enough or good enough like her.” It’s a weird thing to connect in my mind. I just want to feel secure in myself again. I have made the decision to forgive him and I really don’t want to be thinking about her during my admissions process. It’s like a whirlwind of emotions everyday.  I just need some advice to calm down the anxiety.