Home→Forums→Relationships→Christmas is coming…
- This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 10 months ago by XenopusTex.
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December 8, 2016 at 8:34 pm #122318RennieParticipant
My husband and I are on the long road toward reconciliation. 2016 has been the year from hell, for so many reasons. We still have a lot to work out (it’s only been 7 months since separation, 9 months since BD). We are slowly rebuilding the trust but aren’t there yet. I have invited him to spend Christmas Eve and Day with us as a family (it is our eldest child’s last year home before moving overseas after grad). We want to deal with our stuff before reconciling, because we have to do our best to not put the kids through any more upheaval than they have already had. I do love him and we talk about trying to get ourselves to a place where things will be better. Anyway, my problem is the gift. I want it to be meaningful but since we aren’t “there” yet I don’t know what to give him. Any ideas would be appreciated.
December 9, 2016 at 7:14 am #122336PeterParticipantPerhaps something that you made yourself, a letter or picture that symbolizes where you hope to move towards?
During this time of reconciliation work you mentioned I am reminded of the symbolism behind the Christmas tree.
The evergreen representing the promise that life continues even during the cold long nights of winter when all might seem lost. Winter a time to move inward, reflect, sleep, reconcile and restore our energies that, when the time is right, leads to spring.
We decorate the promises of the tree with lights and ornaments many of which represents those that have past and our fondest memories, some bitter sweet yet more meaningful because of it. The ornaments shining and reflecting in light revealing new perspectives.
Underneath the branches of the promise of the evergreen renewal and reflecting memories of hope we place our gifts. Gifts wrapped in paper so that we might wonder what possibility lies within. Perhaps the ritual reminding us that there are hidden gifts, new possibilities, a new birth… that are still to be discovered within ourselves and those we love.
Enjoy your Christmas and being together with those you care about in embracing all the imperfections of the season. That would be a great gift for anyone.
- This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by Peter.
December 9, 2016 at 7:53 am #122339AnonymousGuestDear Rennie:
In your previous post you wrote that he used to be your rock, for 22 years or so. Before his crisis, and since the crisis, your trust in him was shaken. He is no longer that rock.
Maybe giving him a certain rock as a gift will be a good idea, a rock to represent the idea that the two of you will be a rock to each other. If you move back together, you will communicate more and better, promote each other individual’s well being, be that security, that rock to each other.
His crisis feelings included his feeling that his individuality suffered in the relationship, that he wasn’t his own man. I learned in my life, that to become more of an individual, a safe, rock-solid relationship is required. When we feel safe, we dare being ourselves.
So I am thinking about a rock.
anita
December 9, 2016 at 5:36 pm #122357MimiParticipantI was thinking that maybe more than one gift would be a good thing, so he doesn’t read too much into just one thing.
For instance, you could put in one box a rock (wrapped carefully), a photo of the two of you at one of your happiest times, and a third thing that might symbolize his individuality, like something to do with a hobby of his, thereby showing that you respect his interests?
Christmas is definitely an emotionally-charged time, filled with many expectations. I’d try to keep things lighter and more fun, for the sake of your relationship and your family, too.
December 9, 2016 at 9:44 pm #122385XenopusTexParticipantOne of the reasons I don’t like “Christmas,” the co-opted celebration of the winter solstice. So many people have so many expectations of the thing. All of this talk about rocks has me seeing images of one person or the other grabbing the rock and bludgeoning the other with it.
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