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Christmas trigger me

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  • #440923
    Adrianne
    Participant

    I don’t like this time of the year. My parents ruined christmas for me because they always argued or there were no christmas. I don’t have nice memories of family time or presents. After they divorced my mother was always counting on someone inviting us over which I hated. I didn’t like being a guest in someone’s house. I always wanted nice family time in my own home. She always made us go to relatives with which we often did not have close relationship.. so it was always stressful and not at all natural to be there. Now I get anxious everytime there’s christmas coming up. I stress over being invited or having somewhere to be, someone to be with. “Because being alone is the worst, not being invited by someone is the worst nightmare” – my mother would say that. Last year I was sick and spend christmas alone. I felt relieved.
    This year I am anxious again. My boyfriend always spends christmas dinner with his family, I sometimes spent it with my cousins. This year he knows I don’t make plans to go anywhere and I know he worries and probably will want me to go with him. I am not sure I want to. I mean.. I don’t want to.I just want peace of mind, you know?
    I can go to his place and meet with his family later on but.. just want to not stress out for once.
    anyone feel the same?

    #440925
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Adrianne:

    I understand where you’re coming from. The holiday season can be incredibly stressful, especially when past experiences have left a negative impact. It’s tough when the memories associated with Christmas are more about conflict and discomfort than joy and togetherness.

    It’s perfectly okay to want peace of mind and to prioritize your well-being. The pressure to be with others and the anxiety of not having plans can be overwhelming. It’s important to remember that your feelings are valid, and you have the right to make choices that are best for you.

    Spending Christmas alone last year brought you relief. It might be worth considering why: was it the quiet? The lack of pressure? The freedom to do what you wanted? Understanding this can help you make a decision that aligns with your needs.

    Communicating with your boyfriend about your feelings might also help. Let him know that while you appreciate his concern, you need to prioritize your mental health. Maybe you can find a compromise, like spending part of the day together and then having some alone time.

    You’re not alone in feeling this way. Many people find the holidays challenging for various reasons. It’s okay to set boundaries and create new traditions that bring you comfort and joy.

    Wishing you peace and a stress-free holiday season. Take care of yourself.

    anita

    #440926
    Adrianne
    Participant

    Hi Anita, Thank you for answer. Yes, last year was exactly this: lack of pressure, the quiet, and the freedom of doing what I want to – which is not stressing about having someone to spend christmas dinner with. And to make it clear: I don’t mind meeting with people on christmas, I just hate the christmas dinner because I have such bad memories from this day. I know perhaps isolating is not a good idea but I think this is what I need currently.

    thank you and I wish you a great holiday season!

    #440927
    anita
    Participant

    Dear ADrianne:
    You are welcome. IF isolating is what you need to do during any part of CHristmas, for your mental health then isolating is a good idea!

    I wish you a no pressure, quiet, free to do as you wish Christmas and thank you for your wishes for me.

    Anita

    #440928
    anita
    Participant

    * sorry for the typos, using my phone.

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