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  • #357138
    nz133
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>This has been bothering me for a while now so I thought I should write this down and get some advice on it. I met this person online about 2 years ago and we became really good friends. Lately he hasn’t been the same and I’ve talked about it with him but everytime I do he apologises but the last time he did say that “I’ve changed and maybe you dont like the way I am now but I do care for you”. I still talk to him but whenever i do i miss him, i miss my friend. I miss the person who used to show he actually cares and gave me importance. Maybe I am expecting too much but it hurts so much. Its like I want to tell him something but I know that he wouldn’t be interested now. I know I should let go of this but I just cant. I miss him so so much and he’s just clueless.</p>

    #357139
    anita
    Participant

    Dear nz133:

    Welcome back! It is interesting that a year ago, May 2019 you wrote: “I expect a lot from people and I know that’s wrong”, and a year later, you wrote: “Maybe I am expecting too much”- I know that this is something to look into: what is it that you believe is expecting a lot or too much from people, and what is wrong about it?

    Regarding the friend you are writing about today, did he explain what he meant when he said that he changed – in what ways did he change and why (“I’ve changed and maybe you don’t like the way I am now”)?

    anita

    #357140
    nz133
    Participant

    I personally dont think there is something wrong with it. In this particular relationship what I think he may be finding too much is that I expect him to listen to me and give me sincere replies. He did not elaborate he just said i’ve changed. These days tbh we have nothing to talk about. At times I miss him and I wanna text him so bad but then im like what are we even going to talk about?

    #357143
    anita
    Participant

    Dear nz133:

    “He did not elaborate.. what are we going to talk about?”- you can ask him to elaborate on what he meant by saying that he changed. What do you think about my suggestion?

    anita

    #357151
    nz133
    Participant

    I guess you’re right anita. I should and I will if the topic comes up again or i might ask him. Now I feel like there is something wrong with me. Maybe I’m a little too sensitive.

    #357154
    anita
    Participant

    Dear nz133:

    What do you mean by maybe you are a little too sensitive?

    anita

    #357182
    nz133
    Participant

    Maybe I’m being upset over things that should not bother me. People do change with time and I guess I have to accept that rather than holding onto what we had before.

    #357185
    anita
    Participant

    Dear nz133:

    You wrote earlier: “I expect him to listen to me and give me sincere replies”- maybe he used to do an excellent job at it, and he is stressed lately, the pandemic maybe, and he is not calm enough to listen and reply to you as well as he did before. Maybe that’s what he meant by changing.

    “People do change with time and I guess I have to accept that rather than holding onto what we had before”- you know how one day you feel energetic and good at what you do, and another day, you feel tired and make mistakes? We have to be flexible with ourselves and with other people and allow for changes in performance in any area. For example, your friend can be very empathetic to you one day, and another day, he is distracted and .. no empathy. But another day, he will be empathetic again. We do have to accept that we can’t count on anyone to be at a top performance level at all times in any area.

    Does this make sense to you?

    anita

    #357186
    nz133
    Participant

    It actually does!! Thankyou so much anita! ❤️ But I’d like to talk about this in detail somewhere private if you dont mind.

    #357189
    anita
    Participant

    Dear nz133:

    There is no private option on this website and I don’t communicate (with anyone, at this point) on my private email account. I hope you manage to communicate further here. It is anonymous as long as you don’t share identifying information like names of people and places, exact ages and so forth.

    anita

    #357218
    Ravi
    Participant

    Hi nz133,

    I’ve ready your original post.

    “I know I should let go of this but I just cant”

    For this start practicing the technique of Ho’oponopono.

    You can look that up and find it as simple.

     

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