Recently came to a long-fomenting realization that I suffer from many (though not all) of the hallmark symptoms of co-dependency:

• self-image of a long suffering spouse
• anger at my spouse for her treatment of me
• resentment that she won’t change in response to my many sacrifices

I’m finding Buddhist teachings apply really well here. I’m studying dealing with shenpa, and learning forgiveness of my spouse and my self to break out of this pattern. Big lesson: Once I consider myself a victim, I’ve surrendered being able to better the situation.

My codependent conclusions are not incorrect. They are logical, reasonable and can be used to support the argument that she’s wrong and I’m suffering. But just because I can make the case doesn’t mean it should motivate how I view things. So now, I begin the long journey to detaching my own happiness from her behavior. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about her any more, just that I view her treatment of me as an unhealthy manifestation of her pain, not dissimilar to my own unhealthy manifestations of pain.