Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Colleague hit my motorcycle but the situation is impossible
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November 30, 2018 at 7:17 am #266995
BBParticipantHi guys, I have a problem and it seems a bit impossible to sort out. About 6 months ago a colleague of mine was diagnosed with a potentially terminal brain tumor. She was off work but her husband drove her to the office to park up so they could go and get her scans done (we work next door to the hospital). Her husband had just had spinal surgery himself so shouldn’t have been driving but my boss let them use our car park for this as it was an extenuating circumstance.
When they left that day her husband reversed his car into the back of my parked motorcycle, it bent the entire number plate and fender off breaking them and wedged the metals into the underside of the bike. It may have bent the frame and messed with the wheel alignment too, it was a good hit. I didn’t see it however but I know that theres was the only car in the car park that arrived after me and left before me. I also later saw the damage on their car.
This colleague and her husband didn’t own up to this damage they drove off. Given what theyd been through and that money is an issue for them and that my bike is worth more than their car I can see why they didn’t want to risk it (not to mention id only had the bike 2 months) but frankly this put my life at risk. At 30mph a misaligned back wheel may not be terrible but at 60mph it will throw you off. They didn’t know what damage theyd done, I believe they simply panicked or worse as they dont like me and Im the only one who owns a motorcycle at my work just thought ‘screw him’.
I didn’t bother chasing through insurance as unfortunately I do not have proof enough for court and I felt bad for them as they had recieved awful news that day. I fixed the damage myself bought new parts and left it at that for now until we know whats happened with her surgery, im not inhuman.
Fast forward to now her surgery was a success thank god so she will be coming back to work after xmas. My motorcycle was actually stolen a month after that incident so now I have a replacement, the same bike no thanks to the insurance who tried to screw me over worse than the thieves did!. I have a problem now though as in my opinion this woman’s husband at worst risked my life by not reporting damage to my vehicle, at the least didn’t report hed damaged it in the first place. They knew it was my new bike, they knew it was definitely mine. Maybe they didn’t notice theyd hit it but regardless they did but I can’t prove it was them and incidentally they just got rid of the car this month before she comes back in it so I can’t even use the scratches on their vehicle as proof.
This woman sits not 6 feet from where I sit at work, I will have to talk and be ‘pally’ with her all week, all month and all year. I do not want to let this fester but in my opinion this person at the very least could have cost me thousands of pounds and most likely knew about it. How can I be expected to just forgive and forget?. I don’t want her money and im not inhuman, shes been through hell but am I supposed to just forget about it and be best mates at work now?
What makes it worse is that she was really not liked at work until her surgery, she was not a well liked person at all but now people feel sorry for her everyone wants to be her best friend. it is really as if they are all saying ‘sorry we didn’t like you, we thought you where a jerk but now we realise it was your tumor all along!’ which I see as being really insulting to the person it concerns.
I am not being a jerk but the response I seem to be getting it ‘you can’t accuse a person recovering from a brain tumor of committing a crime’ or even just point it out that she essentially wrecked my property and got away with it and now I have to sit and play nice.
I don’t know whether to confront her or just swallow it and move on. But how can I ever trust or even be warm to her again? And we have to work together. I swear if I could get another job I would, lord have I been for interviews the last 6 months but not got anywhere yet. I really do not want to have to deal with this but it feels like everyone is painting me as the bad guy when I think I am entirely justified and everyone else is being shallow by doing a complete 180 on her just because of her ordeal. Just because her ordeal was worse than mind doesn’t mean I don’t have a grievance does it?
I am so conflicted about this.
Thanks,
BB
November 30, 2018 at 8:12 am #267051
AnonymousGuestDear BB:
Clearly it was wrong of this woman and her husband to commit this hit-and-run crime. They should have owned up to the accident that same day and availed all information to the insurance companies and so forth.
I don’t know if they thought of the danger to your life that was part of the hit-and-run, but even without that thought, they would have been responsible for physical injury if you were to be injured.
It is also clear that at this point there is no legal way for you to be financially compensated for what they did.
My first thought was that at the least you tell this woman: I know what you did and tell her what it is that she did, letting her know you know. Problem is the other coworkers are sympathetic to her and if you confront her, they might turn hostile toward you, correct?
I would say that your first priority is to minimize the current and future damage of that the unreported hit and run accident. For as long as you don’t have a better job, better not add your current job to the list of damages, damages that you will never be compensated for. Better not, let’s say, pass a possible promotion because of your perceived hostility in the workplace.
I am not sure about something: you told your co workers about the accident but the woman in question does not know that you know, you did not tell her, neither did any coworker tell her about your motorcycle and what happened and by whom?
anita
December 3, 2018 at 3:22 am #267493BBParticipantHi Anita, I have not had opportunity to tell her as she has only ever been back into the office briefly, also she is still recovering so I do not want to put her under stress.
I have told colleagues about it but it still hurts when they seem to care but as soon as ths woman walls through the door they act like her best friend. I feel like it’s a betreyal almost. If anyone does something to my friends I do not befriend that person.
From my knowledge she does not know I know, and I have no proof that they even know they hit my bike.
I would like to tell her but I don’t want to be the bad guy here nor do I want to put myself at more risk from this incident. I am more hurt that nobody seems to care about backing me up, it is like this has damaged my relationship with all of my colleagues. I know that your colleagues aren’t ‘real’ friends generally but I thought there was some factual loyalty there and it feels like that’s been taken away.
I do not think anyone would support me if I confronted her. Not even because they care about her really, I feel like they would side with her because that’s the easier position to take with less effort needed.
I’m infuriated that all I can do it accept it. It makes me so angry.
December 3, 2018 at 3:37 am #267499AnonymousGuestDear BB:
When you told your colleagues about what you believe happened, you were hoping that they will give her the cold shoulder, express anger at her themselves?
If you are sure that she did damage your motorcycle and then left the scene, and that she knew it was your motorcycle, I would tell her if I was you. I would tell her the few reasons you believe it was her.
I don’t think it will damage her brain, it is not like it is possible for her to live a stress free life, and it is not like you will be abusing her or threatening, you will simply express your anger in a clear yet contained way.
anita
December 3, 2018 at 4:20 am #267507BBParticipantHonestly I don’t expect them to ostracize her or anything but I didn’t expect them to do a complete 180 and act like her best friend either. Prior to her surgery this woman had angered most of the office. It’s a long story but she was generally disliked, she is the kind of person who would be your friend to your face and then rat you out to management. She has actually done this to me already. My closest friend here actually hated this woman but now after the surgery she actually went to her house with a gift and is calling and texting her like best friends.
I don’t expect them to stone her and throw her out if the building but they’ve completely overlooked how she’s treated me and continue to be not just her friend but better friends than ever. As if they haven’t all hated her not long ago. And their feelings were justified, she was very unpleasant. She was a jerk to me even before all of this because I didn’t invite her friend to my wedding (her friend was another colleague who decided he didn’t like me, I never found out why).
It’s like I’m not allowed to be angry because she’s had this surgery. Even if I mention it people just react as if I’m blowing it out of proportion or being silly. They don’t say so but they don’t care and you can tell with their tone.
December 3, 2018 at 5:16 am #267515AnonymousGuestDear BB:
Maybe your colleagues are afraid of her, that she will rat them out to management (because she did that before), so they act nicely to her out of fear. Not because they like her. They may act extra nice so to hide how much they dislike her.
Is that the case and are you afraid of her too?
anita
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