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Coming to terms with being single forever

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Viewing 7 posts - 16 through 22 (of 22 total)
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  • #141181
    dreaming715
    Participant

    Wow, thank you all for the responses! I just stumbled upon this post again realizing I wrote it in 2/2016… over a year ago! I actually have been dating someone for the past 9 months. We’ve been taking it slow. I’m trying to stay present and focus on enjoying what we have, as opposed to thinking, “We should move in together.” “We should be talking about marriage.”

    I think in one year I’ve gained more acceptance of the “being single forever” idea. I know it’s easy to say that because I’ve been dating someone, but I don’t feel as much fear surrounding it. Hopefully this individual and I continue to grow and prosper a relationship together, but if it doesn’t work out I believe I will be okay.

    #141191
    Craig
    Participant

    Wow dreaming715, how cool is that that you’re coming back here a year later and things have been changing for you?! I’m in my mid-50s, and I’m not going to give up either!

    #141311
    dreaming715
    Participant

    That’s wonderful to read, Craig! We never know what life has in store for us. I had gone through about two years of online dating. I went on at least one date with MANY different men and either I wasn’t feeling it with them or they weren’t feeling it with me. Well, the person I’m currently seeing must have been my lucky date because FINALLY we were on the same page with having feelings for each other and giving it a shot. I met him 4 months after I created this thread in 2016. Crazy how things can change…

    #179435
    Doc
    Participant

    Sorry for chiming in so late. Just read this.

     

    Singlehood shows up as a typo when you plug it in. It shouldn’t be, but it is. Singlehood shouldn’t feel like a typo or mistake. Embrace it as a lifestyle of deciding what things are important, why they are that way, etc. instead of having those decisions made for you. My situation is considerably different in that I have a 13 year old and an 11 year old full-time as a single dad.

     

    Respectfully as a guy who is very passively looking, thoughts about marriage, pregnancy, and things of that sort from the outset tend to freak us out. Things change every day and let them…don’t force them.

    #189801
    John
    Participant

    I know this is an old post, but I am a man in my mid 30s (will be 34 later this year), and am struggling with this. I was in a 5.5 year relationship that ended 5 years ago because the woman I loved left me. I am as over it as I’ll ever be and I’ve dated plenty of women since, but have been mostly single for the past 5 years. The first two years I didn’t care because I was still young back then and needed time to get over things…year three was meh…the last two years it’s been hard for me because I’m really lonely as everyone I know is already married and on their second kid. I’ve never really been one to do things alone, but I guess that’s what I’m going to have to do. Online dating is such torture…I get dates from it, but have had basically ever scenario take place except for success. I know I don’t have a “clock” like women do, but men run out of time in different ways…I don’t want to be the creepy old guy alone at the bar with no family. Sometimes I feel as though I have no purpose, no reason to live. Like, I have nothing to look forward to, no one to hang out with. I know everyone is going to come back at me with “you have to love yourself/be happy on your own before you can be happy with someone else,” but some people are better at loving others than loving themselves, and I’m one of those people. I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to give up the search and just distract myself somehow. But I’m always so painfully aware of how alone I am, and it sucks…

    #224815
    Rhea
    Participant

    Coming to terms with remaining alone for the rest of your life is probably one of the most painful situations to accept in life. But it is important to come to peace with this possibility. .. regardless of whether you are cuare currently single or not. Because even if youve found ‘the one’ you could lose them anytime.

    The really painful part though is not ever experiencing being in love with someone and being loved back by them. That is almost as painful as experiencing it, and then losing it!

    So how can one wrap ones head around it? In my view, hoping is what hurts the most. Dangling carrots that say ‘it will come at the right time, when youre ready, when you least expect it’… because the hard truth is that for many of us, it simply doesnt.

    Its always smart to be prepared for the worst case scenario in these issues. Because if love does happen, the problem is seemingly solved so theres really no point in thinking positively because if that were to happen there wouldnt be any problem. Its smarter to go about life thinking of what you will do in case it doesnt happen, so that you are fully prepared for the worst. So in case love does come, its a bonus.

    In my case l had the good fortune of meeting three or four men whom l fell in love with. Im forty now. Unfortunately none of them liked me.

    At the same time quite a few guys liked me but l wasnt attracted to them.

    For me, l find happiness in loving rather than being loved. So unrequited love isnt an issue for me. Im just so grateful and happy that some guy.. even if he isnt attracted to me… makes my heart go round in cartwheels

    Now because lve never been loved by any man lve loved l remained a virgin because l would only want to have sex with a man who l loved and who loved me back

    So l have missed out on that experience which lm really no regrets because sex without love is not worth wanting… plus as a woman it would only harm me physically amd other ways… so in a way my choice is easy.

    So l live my life hoping to fall in love not expecting to be loved back feeling happy that im healthy and have no responsibility like marriage mortgage kids etc.

    Im lucky. Im living a good life women in past generations were denied. They were forced to marry and reproduce with men they didnt love

    Im lucky. Youre lucky. We have time to do things. We could change the laws and fight important causes. Im passionate about certain women’s rights and the right to die. I think that making change in society is a great opportunity.

    So use your precious time to do important and meaningful things.

    And grieve for your loss. The losses of thos things that didnt happen that may never happen. The happiness that you may never experience. Grieve for it. And also recognise and be grateful for the opportunities you do have. Use your voice . Talk and write. And most importantly, think. Read and listen to others, to the great thinkers.

    Keep looking for what you want never give up. But be prepared to never find it. Mourn for that. Above all, in all areas you can control, live your life with truth and dont compromise on what is most important for you.

     

     

    #225983
    Sonia
    Participant

    At the risk of sounding a little insensitive, YOU CAN’T SERIOUSLY THINK YOU WILL BE SINGLE FOREVER JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE 27 AND STILL HAVE NOT MET ANYONE!!!!!

    I mean really? 27? Do you know how many people get married in their 30s and beyond? I know people who have found love even in their 50s and 60s and even older. Life is LONG. I think what you need is some perspective and maybe a new group of single friends older than you to make you realize that you are still VERY YOUNG.

    I myself did not get married until I was 41! That’s right! 41!!!! And I even had both my children in my early 40s. This does not mean you will have to wait until you’re 40 to meet someone. But 27 is hardly old enough for you to be accepting singledom and throwing in the towel.

    I can also tell you that in this day and age people who marry in their 20s are often divorced later in life. Be happy you get time to grow into a full person before you rush down the altar before you’re really ready.

Viewing 7 posts - 16 through 22 (of 22 total)

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