Hello all!

This is my first post and I apologize in advance for a long one!

For the past 4 years I had been in an on and off relationship with a guy. It was me who approached him at first and asked him out. Soon it turned out to be an emotionally abusive relationship where he cheated on me once during the initial days, but I decided to forgive him since he was honest enough in telling me everything and nothing really happened.

Last year he even proposed to marry me, but I could not say yes to him and asked for time as I could not trust him even after all these years. My friends and family did not like him as well, so I did the rational thing and decided to end things finally.

It has been eight months since then, with no contact. I heard a few weeks later he met someone and is engaged to be married early next year. The news did affect me for like few hours but mostly I was okay, as I have moved on. During these eight months I have had 2-3 causal dates, but I felt I needed more time to date seriously.

Then last weekend I went to a friend’s house party. It was just supposed to be few of us (6-7 people), but later her boyfriend invited his friends as well. We were all a little drunk and having fun, and there was this guy with whom I instantly clicked. We had this thing going on and danced a lot through the night, which everybody noticed (we all stayed the night and my friends told me later next day). He even snagged my number from my friend’s boyfriend phone without him knowing and dropped some texts. Initially I decided not to reply right away, as I felt he should have asked me for my number directly if he was interested. Then somehow while going back home, we ended up sharing a ride and when I reached my place he apologized for the way he got my number. I apologized him and later we ended up texting all day long, mostly about the great time we had the night before.

I am an introverted person, and generally take my time getting comfortable with people. But that night I genuinely felt comfortable with him right from the start. Also, we both ended up confessing how we clicked really well and had this chemistry. Honestly, I have never really had such chemistry with anyone before. He also said, he has done nothing like this before (specially going out of the way to get my number and all)

But while texting he also told me that he has a girlfriend, after which I tried to act all cool, saying that I am not looking for a relationship either and so no big deal. I did not ask how long he has been in the relationship as I didn’t want to be pesky. I cannot involve my friends either at this point. Now I don’t know what to do? I feel something for him but obviously I cannot tell him or ruin his relationship.

At this point I am beginning to loose self-respect for desiring a guy who is unavailable. Please help!