Dear antarkala:

Good to read back from you, and thank you for sharing your update with me. I know the breakup must have been a tough decision to make.

You mentioned that you felt it was disrespectful to stay in the relationship while expressing dissatisfaction. This shows self-awareness and integrity on your part. It’s important to recognize that relationships thrive on mutual respect, honesty, and effort from both partners.

When one partner consistently feels and expresses dissatisfaction, it can create a dynamic where the other partner feels unappreciated or demoralized, despite their best efforts. This can erode the person’s self-esteem and the foundation of trust and respect that a healthy relationship needs.

By acknowledging this and making the difficult decision to end the relationship, you’re prioritizing both your well-being and that of your (now ex)  partner. It takes courage to make such a decision, especially when there are conflicting feelings involved.

I want to apologize to you, antarkala, for the harshness in my previous message of Aug 2.  I realized today, upon re-reading it, that some of my words were harsh and judgmental, and I am sorry for that. It’s important to approach these discussions with empathy and understanding, and I regret any discomfort my words may have caused you.

* I wrote in my Aug 2 post: “no one is a good person or a bad person for how one feels. It’s our words and actions, over time, that determine if we are good or bad people, or a mix of the two“- and I still agree with this.

I also wrote: “you choose to be in a relationship with this man, and you’ve repeatedly expressed to him that he is unsatisfactory. I’d say that for that, in this context, you are a bad person. I was a bad person in certain contexts, and I am (still) fixing it, wanting to be a good person in all contexts“- I would like to re-write this today, without the label “bad person“: you chose to be in a relationship with this man, even though you often felt and expressed dissatisfaction. It’s important to recognize how this dynamic is challenging for both of you. I’ve had similar experiences where I acted in ways that were not fair to others, even ways that were harmful to others, and I sincerely regret it. I’ve been working on improving myself in those areas. We all have aspects of ourselves to work on, and it’s a continuous journey of growth.

It’s not about labeling someone as a good or bad person, but rather understanding and being mindful of how our words and actions can affect others, as well as being mindful of our needs and legitimate rights within relationships.

Focusing on healing yourself now is a wise decision. Taking the time to understand your feelings, rebuild your confidence, and reflect on your needs and values will help you move forward with clarity and strength. If you ever need someone to talk to further, please feel free to reach out to me. Wishing you all the best on your journey of healing and self-discovery.

anita

Dear antarkala:

“No need to apologize, truth is truth“- thank you. Truth to be said: you, artarkala, you are (!) a good person.

anita

You are welcome, antarkala, and thank you for the offer. I am not used to getting (or responding to) such an offer. I appreciate it though, and will try to remember it.

anita