Hello again!
My name is Tara and I am writing for advice again because this has been a difficult time for me the past two weeks. I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is 22. We got together about 6 months ago and started living together about 2 months ago (I know this seems rushed but there wasn’t any other choice). I am very happy with him and love him deeply, I am upset by the idea of losing him and hope to be with him forever. We have a lot of things in common and I love our relationship. Before all this we had an incredible connection, always knowing what the other was thinking, saying the same things at the same time, just generally getting along very very well. The best relationship I’ve ever had in my life if I’m being honest.

Recently, my general anxiety spiked up out of the blue and turned into full blown panic attacks and anxiety the rest of the days, this has never happened in my life before, but I am working on figuring out the root cause of it and learning more about myself and what I want in life fully. My boyfriend tried to help me with these panic attacks at first, but couldn’t successfully see he was “helping me” because of how constant and severe my anxiety continued to be. I realized this deeply upsets him, as he feels powerless and has gone through a lot with mental illness in the past.

This lead to my insecurity, always feeling anxious when talking, trying to watch what I say around him to not cause an argument, which also lead to more anxiety. Keep in mind this is only in the past two weeks. Because of this constant anxiety and him feeling powerless, fights about this same thing had ensued almost everyday. I would try to tell him he can’t fix my mental illness, only support me, but he tells me it makes him crazy knowing he can’t do anything to help me, almost blaming the situation on me. I know he has a fragile mental state because of what he’s been through in the past, and we both agreed to take a small and short break so that I don’t bring him down with me in the meantime of my own personal battle.

Since the last fight, we have decided to give each other a little space and I have moved back into my parents house so I can be in a familiar environment to figure out my anxiety and so he can also work on his insecurities. I am sure this is the right choice, as my love for him only grows stronger when we are apart and my anxiety is less and less everyday due to me being in a comforting environment with my parents. I cry constantly when I think about him, and I plan on working on my own personal issues so we can again be together and have as much fun and feel as comfortable with each other as we did in the beginning.

The only problem is, today, out of the blue he accused me of blocking him from all social media’s (I would never) and telling me he is confused and doesn’t know what to think of anything anymore. I tried to tell him he needs to trust that I am not trying to push him away during this time apart but only work on bettering myself so we can pick back up in our relationship eventually. I reassure him I love him everyday since the days apart (has only been two days) and tell him I am still willing to continue to talk and see each other. I feel that he needs to understand I cannot work on myself fully if I am constantly worrying what he thinks of our relationship or if he is resentful towards me for something.

I am sure his “anger” is coming from his sadness and missing me, as he usually reverts to anger and insecurity in hard times. I know that he loves me with his whole heart, I can see it and so can all the people he is close to in his life. But I wish I could get through to him fully and am scared that he will continue to read to far into everything I say, do, or post. I need to get over my anxiety about this if I want to continue our relationship and he needs to get over his trust issues and insecurities at the same time. Is time apart the right thing? How can I make him see this break from my point of view? Also how can we make this time apart a learning experience and bring us closer together in the end?

• This topic was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by Tara.