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Confused and lonely

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  • #86018
    Emily86
    Participant

    I am 29 and divorced after 5 years of marriage. I feel very confused and lonely everyday . My ex wants me back but I can’t see the future together. And I haven’t moved on either. Perhaps there are two reasons- I am not outgoing and I don’t meet anyone I like. I seem to lose trust in life altogether. I have never been lucky in love since the very first love and life just proves me so.

    I have always wanted kids and this feelng kills me everyday that if I can’t have kids if I don’t meet the right man. No one around me seems to understand this. They always think m very strong but I am really dying inside. I cry almost everyday just by myself. I really donno what to do now?

    I don’t go clubbing and not outgoing or not a person who is brave to ask someone out . I just don’t wNt to risk anymore.

    #86019
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi emily86,

    I would do two things:

    1. Join Meetups and hire a professional matchmaker (easier to find if you live near a city). Go to events. Join clubs and a place of worship. Get involved in your town. Yes, this is tremendously out of your comfort zone, but it will be easier the more you do it. When you go to events and Meetups, don’t be “on the prowl”. Go and have a good time and talk to the most likely people, men and women.

    2. Tell the people you meet (see #1), friends and family that you are single and interested in meeting someone. If you know 100 people, then they will know 100 people… that’s 10,000 people!! Out of 10,000 someone should know someone just right for you!

    Don’t lose hope ~ I was set up ~ as a joke ~ to my DH. Imagine the prankster’s surprise when my complete opposite and I got along like a house on fire! “You were supposed to date her and have everyone mad at you, not get invited to Thanksgiving dinner!!” he said to DH in a huff. True story. And you see, you never know.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    #86022
    anita
    Participant

    Dear emily86:

    You have a desire to have a good, loving relationship with a man and you have a desire to have children with such a man.

    You wrote: “I have never been lucky in love since the very first love and life just proves me so.” What was the very first love in your life… I mean before the first boy? The first love in my life was my love for my mother. That love relationship was most powerful in my life, setting the stage for all others.

    And this is not uncommon. In fact, a child’s relationship with his or her primary care taker, usually the mother, is most powerful in a child’s life. Do you agree with this last statement? If you do, how lucky or unlucky were you in that relationship and what affect and effect does it have on you now?

    anita

    #86057
    TriangleSun
    Participant

    Oh boy, if i had a few hours to spare i’d tell you about my horrible love life. You’ve got nothing on me! lol. Here is the thing that i always seem to hear from women – i’m lonely and i need someone. No you don’t. You don’t need anyone but yourself. If you’re not happy with yourself you’re never going to be happy with anyone else. Unhappy people suffocate others with love because they forget to love themselves. You’re young. You’re free. You should be looking at the end of marriage as a brand new chapter. It doesn’t mean it’s time to jump into another relationship because you’re lonely. No! It’s perfect time to reflect on your life. It’s like a pit-stop. Change your tires, make some adjustments and keep going.

    I don’t think there is anything worse than forcing yourself to find someone to spend your life with. People who force themselves to date really boggle my mind. Instead, why not try to enjoy your life? Travel! (I had an amazing hollywood-like romantic encounter on one of my backpacking trips a few years ago which unfortunately never came to be anything but an amazing story…) Meetup.com has a bunch of groups for just about any kind of activity. Make some friends and enjoy yourself and don’t worry about finding someone. They’ll find you!

    #87023
    BenzRabbit
    Participant

    Hi Emily,

    I feel your pain – divorce is never easy !

    You are young with a full life ahead – and will love again – but you have to heal first !!

    Please read the book ‘You can heal your life’ by Louise Hay – here is her website:
    http://www.healyourlife.com/

    Please think real hard about getting back together with your ex – the divorce happened for a reason, and once things are broken it is usually very difficult to put them back like they were.

    I pray your angels guide you forward !

    GOD bless !!

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