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    Well this is a first for me πŸ™‚ only joined this site as I found it uplifting when I was feeling pretty negative about myself.
    Iv recently started dating again I am 37 he is 33 both no children. I came out of a 3 year relationship in early November, my fiancee left me, we were due to be married in September this year and we were also going for IVF and had reached the top of the waiting list. I have no idea to this day why he left me, he just said that he needed time to himself.
    So I struggled to get back in a good place emotionally and understandably missed him terribly.
    I started dating at the end of May and I find that I am very clingy, I am badly anxious when I leave him and always think that he does not like me or is just using me for sex.. I have explained that I suffer anxiety and have been honest with him about things in my past etc. He too has been through a breakup last year but is in a better place than me I feel.
    I am terrified to be on my own and I always feel he is making me run after him. Id say he knows that I am fragile emotionally and sometimes he plays on that. I love time with him when we are together but when we part my anxiety takes over and I feel like just ending it cause he doesnt really need me. Im considered a very attractive woman according to my friends but I think I have been left broken. Any tips or advise on how I can just go with the flow and kinds take it or leave it, because I am afraid I am growing feelings for this person and that frightens the hell out of me πŸ™
    I think sometimes I just want to be loved and that doesnt seem like much to ask…..


    Hi Tracey

    I am sorry for the hard times that you have been through. Anyone can develop self doubts with such incidents.

    Hey, whats the worst that can happen if you just be Tracey who doesn’t fear anything that comes her way in this world ? This current BF may leave, you may not find another BF for a long time, you may not have kids, you may not get married, you may not have grand kids, you may not be able to decorate a nursery for your kid etc. The list can go on.

    Everything in the list is MAY or MAY not happen, which means there are no guarantees in life. I mean who could understand this better than yourself with your experiences over the last few months ? Think about this for a few moments as it will make you feel calm and peaceful.

    Many things (actually all but this might not make sense to you as yet) that happen in our lives are our own projections. If you project self-doubt, your partner will do more such things to confirm that. If you project love and confidence, everyone around you will start doing actions that confirm those feelings. Life is very simple when it comes to feelings and emotions. What you project in your mind and heart is what you get on the big screen of life.

    Try flipping things around and enjoy spending time with your new partner without fear, self doubt or any expectations. Just cherish each moment with him and without him. You need to spend some time with yourself as well to work on self. We cant suddenly stop projecting negative emotions – this needs work, patience, self nurture and self love.

    Pls give this person the attention he deserves without any underlying agendas or preconceived ideas. Accept him for what he is and he will automatically start accepting you the way you are. We are all perfect as we are. We need to acknowledge that and be kind to ourselves and others. We are harsh to ourselves and others as we fear loss, hurt and all negative experiences. But hey, life is all about balance – negative and positive. No one has all the sadness all the time and no one has all the happiness all the time. A bit of both makes life beautiful and worth being grateful for.

    Now wipe those tears (;)) and give us a big smile πŸ™‚

    You are worth it and so is this new partner of yours.




    Hi Tracey,

    It seems as though you are still wondering in your heart why your fiancΓ© left you. You made not consciously think about why but your heart does. When he left, your self esteem took a huge blow and that would be normal for anyone under this circumstance if someone just abruptly left and gave you a vague reason as to why. There is much more that meets the eye as to why he left. He just did not want to tell you. Basically he just left you with lots of questions that you may or may not ever get answers to. I have been in this position before and I never fully got closure. I just focused on loving myself and moving on but I still bouts of anger towards my ex at times when I think about how cheaply I was treated but I allowed that. As far as your new relationship, you need to put it on the backburner because you do run the risk of your partner seeing you as vulnerable and taking advantage of that in a negative way that will further cause your self esteem to plummet beyond measure to the point where you will totally lose yourself and pain will become your pleasure that gives you a high that turns you into a codependent and leads you to further pursue addictive relationships never giving you the love you deserve leaving you alone on the inside. (Soak all that in, as you can tell I have been through all of this lol) You cant move into another relationship at your best giving all of you to someone if you are broken and now whole and still attached to your previous relationship. Yes you are vulnerable right now. The best thing to do is try and decipher what has all taken place. Put it in perspective and find out what you need to do to become whole and happy again. Keep pressing! πŸ™‚


    A massive thanks to both of you πŸ™‚ was nice to get a reply. Both very different but equally true. I sometimes think that im not ready to get emotionally attached again so soon but then i do like him Cyd. But one thing is definate I need to work on self love and acceptance. I seem to suffer the most horrible lonliness that fills me up and makes me very sad. Any advice on how to learn to be loving to yourself πŸ˜‰ β™₯β™₯ i also go to cbt to help with my low self ezteem and anxiety. But early days x


    Thank you for your kind words x


    Thanks Cyd.

    Hey Tracey

    Aaaahhhhha…so we come to the main point now : how to learn to be loving to yourself. Hey, I have heaps of strategies that I have used with great success. I will cut and paste some of my older posts here. Bear with me, pls.

    Impt point to grasp and reflect on: People do what they do as it feels right to them at that point in time. Everyone is unique and different. While we all long for love and acceptance deep down, we express it in different ways depending on our environmental, social, genetic and spiritual conditioning. NO ONE IS EVER WRONG IN A TrUE SENSE. It is only a matter of personal perspective, which changes constantly as we grow our consciousness.

    What can you do to make yourself feel proud of yourself:
    – forget about your age; age means nothing anymore when it comes to finding your love or having kids in this world. Please do not become a victim of societal pressures. You can get married at the age of 70 as well. What matters is that you are kind to yourself and have a beautiful heart.

    – love yourself : If you do not love yourself and respect yourself the most, everyone else will just come and walk all over you in some form or other. You will never achieve stability in your head even after having a family or kids. It is our mind, which is amazingly powerful and keeps us stuck in the rut if we do not take control of it.

    – accept yourself the way you are and it will become effortless to accept everyone else as they are. Forgive yourself and it will become effortless to forgive others.

    – accept that there is ONLY ONE of YOU in this world. There can never be another one of you ever, which means you are very special and valued member of this Universe. You have a purpose for being here. Pls look after yourself and smile heaps. Listen to soul soothing music, dance to your hearts content, cook for yourself, go out for a coffee date with yourself, go for a swim and catch the waves, exercise etc. There are so many things that you can do with TRACEY – you just need to find what makes your heart sing n dance πŸ™‚

    – write down all the lessons that you can learn from the last few years and previous relationship and see which ones bring the most happiness into your life if you could incorporate those lessons. Every incident, relationship (good or bad), every person is here to teach us something or learn something from us. What did this ex teach you ? What can you take into the future ? What needs to be left behind forever ?

    – pls pls pls pls pls let go and forgive this ex of yours. Let him go. When you do that, you will free yourself in a huge way and it will be a liberating experience. Grieve if need be but move forward sooner rather than later.

    – always remember, you are loved by YOU no matter what happens in this world. YOU will always be there for yourself. So why the self- doubt or any fear ?

    – There is an awesome author by the name of Susan Jeffers (who has left the body now) who should be able to start you on your journey. Her book titled, Feel the fear and do it anyway, will come handy every time you feel down or need a pick me up. Start with the last 2 chapters and if they resonate with your being, you can read the first 10 simple chapters for various tools that you can use. What is required is disciplined ACTION on your part. Often, we want to do things or make positive changes in our lives but forget to take the action. Until, we apply the learnings into our life, changes do not occur.

    http://tinybuddha.com/topic/4-strategies-to-heal-a-broken-heart/ – excellent article by Cynthia posted few weeks ago on TB.

    – helping others achieve their goals and happiness helps to bring more of the same in our lives. Consider smiling more, giving way to someone in traffic, help someone out with loose change, buy a cuppa for someone random, say random thanks etc. All these activities will increase your positivity level and wah lah, soon you will be telling us how good life is πŸ™‚




    Thank you so much Jasmine for taking the time out to give advice and comfort. It is much appreciated and I hope to take something from this to help me on my more positive journey πŸ™‚ sending hugs

    Big blue

    Hi Tracey,

    Thank you for posting your story and for receiving this great advice! Really nice!

    Big blue

    PS: it’s actually really awesome on the back burner, you will get your health and mojo back then look out world πŸ™‚

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