June 20, 2023 at 2:50 pm #420214JennyParticipant
I ( 33 ) have been on and off with my boyfriend ( 33 ) for 1 year and a month. Over the year, he has lied and hidden things from me. At first it was social media causing issues, him watching girls twerk, following social media models. He then when on to delete all his social media accounts. Months later, he thought he could sneak cocaine into my apartment, and was using it in my apartment. I like for my home to be a safe and peaceful environment, I have a Buddha altar so him doing this not only disrespected me but my living space as well. I caught him that same day, hiding it and using it. He said it was his first time using it but I don’t believe that and he says he hasn’t used it since. Recently I discovered he has a secret social media account. A few days ago I asked him (him knowing our relationship is being held by a only a few more strings) “is there anything I should know about before we see each other today” he says “No, I can’t think of anything.” I already knew about the account. I wanted to see if he would be honest with me. I told him in the beginning of our relationship, I don’t expect perfection but I do expect honesty. I ask him “Are you sure? you know the truth always comes out” he continues to lie. Today asked him when was he planning on telling me about his social media account, he denies it and plays dumb. I tell him “Come on, don’t play. be honest” he says “I made it when we broke up once but I deleted the app since then and I haven’t been on it” the follow numbers have gone up since yesterday so I know he has been on it. He is still lying. He has disrespected and violated me on numerous levels, these are only a few of the things he has done, or the major ones at least. After forgiving him over and over I am so confused now. I am a mother of two and I want what is best for my daughters and I. I am sad he is this way because he has no self love or virtue and lies so much and hides things. I am not sure if I should let it go or stay and try to work things out. He does help provide for me and my daughters and has some good qualities but the fact that he lies and hides things from me makes it hard for me to want to continue to try to work things out. I feel like leaving would be the best choice but I’m confused. Any advice is much appreciated.June 20, 2023 at 2:51 pm #420216Sarah Jeanne BrowneParticipant
Leave him. There is no reason to stay. You’ve given him enough chances. For your daughters you need to be an example of someone who has healthy boundaries and high standards for what you deserve. He is nothing. You have everything you need – a much stronger character. So use this situation as a learning one to not give so many chances and to trust your gut. Your gut is always right!June 20, 2023 at 11:07 pm #420221TeeParticipant
He has disrespected and violated me on numerous levels, these are only a few of the things he has done, or the major ones at least
he has no self love or virtue and lies so much and hides things.
After forgiving him over and over I am so confused now. I am a mother of two and I want what is best for my daughters
In my mind, the situation is clear: he is bad news, a drug addict, potential cheater and definitely a liar. And he isn’t showing any signs of improving. If you want the best for yourself and your daughters, leave him. You don’t want to keep entangled with such a man.
The fact that he helps you financially shouldn’t be a reason to stay, because being in such a relationship can only harm both you and your daughters on the long run. I hope you can find ways to support yourself without his help, and can let him go.
Wishing you strength and determination!June 21, 2023 at 1:46 am #420222RobertaParticipant
I do not know how old your children are, but you definitely do not want this man anywhere near them ( drugs & soft porn warp the users perception of reality). It is hard to be a single parent but it is better than having the wrong person in your family’s life. Your home is your sanctuary, a place of spiritual growth take time to cleanse it of his presence also study the buddhist teachings on relationships to help you spot a good person when they come into your life.June 24, 2023 at 12:35 pm #420444dvsParticipant
find someone who will not cheat on you . i may not have the best relationship , But i may not be the best gf either. but despite all of our flaws, he does not cheat on me and that is the best thing ever, ppl in this age don’t really do that , i don’t know f what we have is unique , but i know that it is not an option for me ever again to be with someone that i would have to question or doubt if they were with someone else. plus stds have made a major comeback in California, that is unforgivable. don’t be that girl that had all the red flags she needed to move on , but ends up with a disease that could have been avoided had she just moved on. it is so hard to le go but dude , you aren’t happy a now are you? read up on attachment styles for some insight on why you attach the way you do and maybe help see it before it happens, and hopefully make better decisions on who it is you spend your time on. – in short f$%k that guy ,work on being someone who would attract the kind of dude you want to be with (not that you are not great already ) you will find better… plus u jabe 2 girls, maybe just try to focus on helping them be normal by adulthood, our whole country has gone crazy, that willno doubt have an effect on them , if you can mnimize the crazy outside world im sure they will appreciate it when they are your age.