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conquering anger

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Mark 2 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #272757

    TSW
    Participant

    Can anger ever be justified? It seems most of my life I had anger inside. Sometimes I bury it deep and it doesn’t bother me. Other times it pores out of me like the flood waters that stream down my face.

    He who angers you, conquers you.

    I have been conquered!

    I am here to find a way. The way to learn how.

    Change is happening with me and I am mindful. But, when it comes to my failing marriage I am angry, ashamed,disappointed with myself and how I can’t get a grasp on my emotions. Then end up with regret for how my anger conquered me.

    #272767

    anita
    Participant

    Dear TSW:

    Like other animals, we are born to feel fear, joy, sadness, hurt and anger. Each emotion has a function promoting our physical survival by motivating an animal to perform an action for its survival: joy when eating motivates an animal to eat all it can when food is available; fear motivates an animal to run away from danger; hurt and sadness motivate an animal to rest following an injury or an intense struggle and gather its energy for later. Anger motivates an animal to fight a predator or an animal trespassing its territory. Without anger, an animal threatened, will not fight, and therefore will not have a chance to survive.

    Anger is not a bad feeling that needs to be eliminated.  When you feel anger, it means that a wrong has been done to you or a danger  of such still exists. If you ignore this anger, trying to get rid of it, it will persist until you address that wrong. Lots of people don’t address that wrong and express that anger in abusive ways toward themselves and others and yet, the anger does not quiet down, because the real wrong was not addressed and resolved.

    What was the real wrong that was done to you, or still being done to you?

    anita

     

    #272779

    TSW
    Participant

    That Question makes me angry? Why? What are wrongs?

    I was molested by an older brother pre-puberty, My first steady boyfriend punched me in the stomach at least 2 times I remember. My husband who I have lived with from the first date for 27 years, 19 of those married, has been arrested 7 years ago for soliciting a prostitute and has confessed a total of 3 times. Now after 7 years has given up on me and our family at a time of need. And that is what I am angry about. By the way, have raised 3 children, always worked part-time. I thought we had a plan together through sickness and health. I feel defeated and conquered. Now I am going to conquer this here and now. I just need more wisdom.

    #272805

    anita
    Participant

    Dear  TSW:

    You listed a few  wrongs, all painful for you, would be for anyone. So many wrongs we suffer, we, humans, that is. So many.

    My attempts at the wisdom you are looking for: correct any wrongs that can be  corrected. Taking legal actions against wrongdoer is one such correction. Ending contact with wrongdoers is another corrective action that is legal, fair and just. Protecting  other victims or potential victims from wrongdoers is another action  that  is fair and just.

    And  when there is nothing to do, truly nothing  to do, then the serenity prayer comes to mind: “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the  courage to change the things  I can; and the wisdom to know the difference”.

    anita

    #272811

    Mark
    Participant

    TSW,

    anita recommended some practical steps to deal with your current situation.  As anita says, anger is a normal human emotion.  It will only conquer you if you channel it in a destructive way.  Channel your anger to taking action in protecting yourself and your children from your husband’s unloving actions.  Kick him out.  Divorce him.

    Mark

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