Constant Fights and feelings of separation with cousins.

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    Where do I start? Separation and feelings of not being accepted by my first cousins have been brewing for a while now. My 16yr old twin cousins are the ones I have been having problems with. I recently turned 20 this month and during my younger years I felt as though they admired and appreciated me. Once they became teenagers I feel that it all changed. Knit-picking, attacks of character, insults covered with sarcasm and complete critism have been the problems. They are very negative and always try to find the bad in whatever I’m doing. Sometimes I feel like they watch my every move to find a flaw. Just this past weekend was a huge blow out with one of the twins…lets call her twin 1 but of course it soon became an argument with both, with the other twin coming to her sisters’ defense. earlier that day we were all at my grandmothers house I was getting ready to go sight-seeing with my older cousin and his girlfriend. I saw that my twin cousin was getting ready also so I asked her if she was coming with us. She replied “No , I’m going out with my friend Marcus you know the one who doesn’t like you.” Feeling fed up with the constant petty remarks I raised my voice at her. I replied “Ok, well he’s stupid he doesn’t even know me. I haven’t even had a conversation with him.” Cousin:” Yes you have remember that one time we were in the basement.”(which was over a year ago!) Me: ” I don’t even remember that and he’s still stupid but I don’t even care…I don’t know him.” Cousin: “Well why you getting mad if you don’t care.” Me: Because you’re instigating, who cares if he doesn’t like me that was a petty thing to even say, I get sick of your negativity. Cousin storms off and replies “Like I care.” That is just one of MANY examples. Other insults recently have been that I’m annoying, No one likes me, I’m spoiled, I have no curves or shape, I have abs and abs make women look manly, so I assume she’s saying that If I cont. to work out I will look manly.(even though I have a very slim and lean body type FAR from muscular) I feel very unappreciated, hurt, unloved, and disrespected. I am worried that I will feel resentment towards them. I feel anger to that point that I even think about putting hands or spitting on her. These thoughts scare me. I need peace within myself with no resentment. I just want them to love me.

    Buddhist Wife

    I think that they do love you.

    I also think that they are being typical teenagers. This doesn’t excuse their behaviour but that is probably the main reason for it.

    If I were you I would treat them like children. That is how they are behaving.

    They make the comments because they are struggling with hormones and confusion about their own place in the world and it makes them feel better to put you down.

    They see you react to them, so don’t react. Be as cool as a cucumber.

    I would refuse to respond to every negative remark. Just meet them with total silence, don’t even make eye contact. If they ask you why you are not responding say something along the lines of ‘I don’t respond to disrespect, when you are ready to treat me with respect I will be here for you’. Don’t say it in a preachy way, don’t be ‘holier than thou’ just be matter of fact and cool.

    I would also limit my contact with them as much as is physically possible. Don’t give them your attention until they treat you better.

    I hope this situation improves.

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