Hello Tre,

Ah, the illusion of control. A truly philosophical debate; if we control our actions, that means fate and destiny are non-existent, nothing is meant to be, we are in control, the drivers. If we aren’t in control then we seemingly have no power to begin with and choice is an illusion, everything will happen irrespective of the actions or course taken.

Why is control so important to you? Although we all want to control things/actions we can’t, why do you want to control the uncontrollable? Every waking moment, you are making choices. These choices are control. You can ultimately control your own actions. Even if someone/s influence, manipulate or force you into a position, you are still in control, you can still make a choice, unless mind control has been invented you still have the ability to go left, right up, down etc. Usually someone who has control issues has, in the past, not had control. Is there something in your past that you experienced due to the loss of control, or no control at all?

You can actually control quite a lot. You can control yourself for one, and you control your choices. I would say that you are in control. With control comes power, power of the mind and soul. What else would you want to control?

When plans change at the last minute, I become increasingly anxious

I want to finally dwell on this for a moment….
Organisation is natural. Some people like myself cannot work in an untidy environment. I loathe mess, its always easier to maintain something clean rather than keep it dirty. Tre, i think the reason you get anxious, the reason you feel that you are in a void, down the rabbit hole, is because being organised and controlling of your actions is not enough. You want to control the outcome. Planning a night out, you have a mental checklist of things to do (as an example), if things aren’t checked off it means your mental idea of what would be, cannot be. You are so set on the finish line, you have forgotten how to appreciate the details of the journey. It’s like you believe your actions will solely control the future outcome. In order to ascend from the rabbit hole, you need to come to terms with the notion “You cannot control the future”. For every action there is a reaction, but this reaction is truly only influenced by you, not controlled.

Nothing will help you climb out faster than your understanding and letting go of the illusion of control. You are controlling not only becuase you may not trust others and their choices, but you don’t trust yourself. You don’t trust yourself to make a choice in the heated moment, in a tight spot. You use passivity to push yourself away from tough choices and challenges. I was like you once before, i believed that if i controlled everything, the result would be ideal, no challenge would present itself. To this day, nothing i have ver done has gone to plan. So ironically, i would make more plans, Hoping the new plan would be better than the last, it never was. Their is only so much i could control, but ultimately i had to learn to trust my gut, trust myself.

You like many people hold onto perceptions, outcomes, hopes and dreams that we can’t actually attend because we have no control over whether or not they can happen. A young person who wants to become a movie star can push them self, can audition, can literally control the school they go to, the people they speak to, but they can never control what people think of them, can’t control where they will end up. They can, like all us, only try our very best and hope that we can make it. You just have to believe in yourself that the choice you make is the right one at the time.

“Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind” Christian Larson

If you have more questions or thoughts, please continue to post here.

Sincerely,
Matty