Dear iamfree:

To be free of your anger about not being number one in your friend’s life, in others’ lives; to free yourself from wishing to remove your friend’s boyfriend and other friend from your friend’s life so that you will be the only one, what you have to do is attend psychotherapy- like I suggested you do and like you wrote to me that you will.

In psychotherapy you will learn that underneath this anger is a hurt little girl that you were and are still inside, a hurt little girl that was bullied in school, like you shared with me, bullied terribly and your parents did not stop the bullying, did not protect you. You were hurt then, day after day, year after year, with no one attending to you, no one stopping the bullying.

This hurt little girl is still you, angry at being bullied so much and for so long, hurt so terribly and being invisible, as no one saw your pain. If you were someone’s Number One, that someone would have seen your pain and would have saved you.

There is a whole lot of crying this little girl needs to do, crying in front of a competent, caring therapist who will see you hurt and let you know that your hurt matters, that your pain matters and should not have happened. You need to grieve that hurt, the injustice.

When you do, you will come out on the other side wiser and calmer, much calmer, at peace.

anita

Dear iamfreee:

Please do inquire if you can get psychotherapy/ counseling in your old high school or your yet-to-begin college. Maybe the college will make it possible for you before you start in October.

Crying made you feel better- this is understandable. Underneath your anger there is hurt. When the hurt was released through crying, you felt relief. Unfortunately, the relief is temporary, that is more processing is required, through therapy/ counseling.

For now, what can help you is to write here about your hurt, when you feel it, to express it in words: how your hurt felt then in the circumstances of the past and how it feels now, in the present circumstances (your friend in Scotland).

anita

iamfreee,

Well first off, the first thing that I want to commend you is choosing a great username. That little expression can help you on your journey to controlling your emotions. Next, if you are seeking help, I assume since you have graduated high school you have your drivers license? That being the case then you can always search for free trials by any psychiatrists or hypnosis therapists and take a visit for a free session/ 1 hr. etc. If that does not suit you, then there is always group sessions including depression and anxiety groups that meet to discuss their issues.
As for activities you can complete by yourself, the most common one would be journaling. If at any time you feel as if you are about to lose control of your emotions, instead of falling victim to them, quickly write it down in a journal. This can work at home or at school. When you feel your emotions raging, then stop and go to your room and write out your exact feelings you are experiencing. As for when you are outside, don’t be ashamed of bringing a pen and a small notepad. Carry it in your purse and write out your emotions. This will not work on your phone due to the fact that 1. You are not writing your emotions down and 2. If you try and do this on technology and there is any issue it will only frustrate you even more. If you feel embarrassed about taking out a pocket notebook and writing stuff down in public then just resort to a private area such as a bathroom, etc. All the best to you.
Thank you and take care
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