fbpx
Menu

Crush: Should I tell him?

Home→Forums→Relationships→Crush: Should I tell him?

New Reply
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • March 7, 2015 at 2:19 pm #73664
    StraightNoChaser
    Participant

    Hi all!
    I haven’t written anything on here for a while. I guess that can be seen as a good thing. Lol.
    My life has been changing since my post “At the End of My Rope” I have been working hard and making progress in my professional life. This past year I have had the pleasure of working in one of my dream locations and during this past year I have developed a crush on some one who shares our work space.
    As much as I have been making progress professionally my love and social life have kind of taken a bit of a back seat. I have been doing some “house cleaning” in my personal life. Getting rid of unnecessary friendships and being conscious of who I let into my life. This past year I have not been dating anyone. I decided a while ago I would NOT settle. So I see being single as a choice. A tough one and at times I wonder if it is still my choice but I have turned down dates that I am not 100% about.
    Anyway in the midst of this I developed a crush on this person who shares my work space. I have been attracted to him for a year and crushing on him for several months. When I first developed my crush I told another space sharer in our office and was devastated to find out he had a GF. A couple months went by and my crush had not waned. I go in and out of it but I got a strong feeling he is no longer in that relationship. I ask him simple questions where anyone in a union would bring up their partner and he never mentioned anything. He also used to go to her house for lunch and he now eats lunch at his desk. This was several months ago that my coworker mentioned this to me and I am almost certain he is single. I also have him on social media and there is nothing there or pictures.
    Anyway I am the type of person that will never like anyone who does not like me I am not a masochist. Sometimes I swear he has feelings for me other times I think I have finally lost my mind. Well there is only one way to find out….
    However I am terrified of rejection! I have been through it a lot and it has taken me a while to find someone I actually like. I have given up on him many times only to fall back for him later or friends encouraging me to keep going. I am sick of going back and forth on this and I know I need to do something I am just not sure what!
    My contract is coming to an end and soon I won’t get another chance I don’t want to look back and do what I do with so many others before him with regrets. Usually I end up telling my crush I like them but by then it’s too late they are dating someone. The difference with them is that I had many opportunities to do something with them but said no at the time and chickened out. I don’t really feel like I have had any chances with this one. Like I said, sometimes I swear he is into me and I am very sensitive to energies and I can detect tension between us. I feel like I am so uncomfortable/awkward that I am the one throwing him off. One time he as talking to me about an activity we both would enjoy and it started to seem like we were asking each other out and I got so nervous I just started rambling! I am just looking for some advice on how to approach this. I know what the obvious answer is but I am so scared. Thank you in advance for reading this 🙂

    March 8, 2015 at 9:56 pm #73711
    sheldon cooper
    Participant

    Hello StraightNoChaser,

    Congratulations on making progress with your professional life. My initial reaction was “NO” since you are in the same work space with this crush, because it might cause awkwardness between you and this guy if he rejects you. After reading through the rest of your letter I’m still going to say no to confessing. First even if he and the Gf has has broken up, he’d still need time to process things and work on himself before moving on to another “relation”, I’m guessing that’s where you want this to end up if ever you confess and he says he likes you too. Now regarding your fear of not getting another chance, I am assuming that you too are friends so you must have each other’s numbers perhaps or you’re FB friends from your statement “sometimes I swear he is into me and I am very sensitive to energies and I can detect tension between us” I think you communicate/interact with each other. So when he’s ready and he realizes he likes you enough to make a move, he’ll make it happen. I suggest you just continue working on yourself for now and continue making progress with your professional life. 🙂

    March 8, 2015 at 10:34 pm #73712
    StraightNoChaser
    Participant

    Hi,

    Thanks for your reply. A little late though lol. I ended up telling him and he is in fact in a relationship. Its fine though he was really sweet about it and I feel a bit better living in reality lol. I’m not going to lie it sucks but I’ve been here before and I admire my courage for doing something I was afraid to do. Thank you for your words of encouragement. I am excited for these next steps in my career. I leave that job in 3 weeks and onward and upwards. Trying to make myself feel better.

    March 9, 2015 at 2:52 am #73724
    Will
    Participant

    I’m glad you stepped over your fear. I would have advised you to tell him and take the chance.

    It’s ok that this one didn’t work out. Now you know that you can overcome your fear and take risks like these, and the world doesn’t end. You did well. I’m sure you’ll have better luck in the future.

    March 9, 2015 at 6:44 am #73733
    StraightNoChaser
    Participant

    Thanks Will! That was really nice to read as I was starting to regret my decision. I’m glad to hear you thought it was a good idea. I am taking it a bit hard. I guess after getting the same results no matter the approach takes a toll on someone. I’m going to take maybe a week or two to feel the hurt then try and pick myself back up. Definitely won’t be dating or talking to anyone for a while. My natural reaction is to retreat and I’ve already been pretty anti social maybe I need the opposite. I’ve had a string of bad luck this past year with dating too. I’m like a lion: i stake out my prey and then slowly make my move. Maybe I’m a little too methodical. I just like to really access the person I’m attracted to before I jump into anything. I always seem to miss the fact they are dating someone lol, maybe that’s what I like about them: They are nice to me,don’t try to hit on me, listen to what I’m actually saying, I feel comfortable. I guess most guys who are interested don’t behave in that way or I don’t know I guess. I think what I can take away from this as much as it hurts, is to just come right out with it from the start. If I like someone ask them out. It I meet someone attractive find out right away if they are dating someone. Don’t wait too long, go after what you want right from the start. I feel maybe I am too hard on myself when I like someone, I wait for them to approach me while showing no signs of any attraction. Oh well now I’m just rambling. It will be a hard week but he is a sweet guy, so hopefully he will make this transition easy on me. Thanks again Will.

    March 16, 2015 at 11:47 pm #74015
    sheldon cooper
    Participant

    Hi StraightNoChaser,

    I kinda new you would, I guess that’s better, so you wont have any regrets. I like your analogy about being a lion, but maybe you can change that, instead of being a lion staking out your prey and then slowly making a move you can focus on feeling like a lion. You know… The king of the jungle, strong, courageous, brave. Your on the right track, focus first on your career and yourself, once you become that lion everything will follow.

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.