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curing my loneliness

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  • October 10, 2013 at 8:30 pm #43609
    Matt
    Participant

    Hello everyone, like many people, i have fallen into the tap of having and overwhelming feeling of loneliness, but here is some quick info about my. I’m 21 and i have only had 2 girl friends, one was very unhealthy for me and i had to end it, with the second relationship, we both had different views and had to go our separate ways and it ended on a good note at least. However i am a pretty shy and my current situation in college is not helping. I have a decent course load but the real kicker is i am doing research with one of the professors so i do spend a’lot of time in the lab.

    This is where im really starting to struggle, i see people everywhere with their significant other and honestly it makes me kinda jealous…its all i can think about, how much i wish i had a girlfriend, im always wishing and hoping that ill find someone, everyday i walk through the university center just to see if i can put myself into a situation where ill be able to talk to someone…but im very shy…if i see someone sitting at a table or bench and i want to talk to them i simply cant bring myself to do it…and the more i read this post the more i think how easy it is to solve my problem…i just need to get out there and force myself to make conversation with someone, then ill get better at it!…but i need like a good kick in the ass to get myself going. any help or advice from you guys is most appreciated, thank you!

    October 11, 2013 at 9:21 am #43619
    Matt
    Participant

    Matt,

    I’m sorry for the fear you’re experiencing, and can understand why it is unnerving to talk to strangers. You never really know what might happen, and jumping into the unknown can be scary. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

    New beginnings are almost always awkward, and especially new friendships. This naturally produces uncertainty, which can lead to fear. If you can accept “yes there is fear, yes there will be some awkwardness” then perhaps you can find your courage. Consider that courage only arises in the presence of fear, and it is the strength inside us that moves us to act anyway. That you feel awkward and uncertain is normal, usual, and happens to almost all of us. So what?

    Next, perhaps you could find a group that shares an interest. Most campuses have many different types, from social activism to the arts, and meeting people through those might relieve some of the fear. People like to have friends, and if those friends have things in common, all the better. You might be surprised at how many people are longing for genuine connection.

    Also, consider approaching your loneliness directly. Often the feeling of disconnectedness can arise when we haven’t been nurturing our bodies well. Perhaps you could go on walks in lovely surroundings, take time to see the beauty inside you, listen to gentle music. One activity I find very nourishing in this way is metta meditation. If you search YouTube for “guided metta meditation” you’ll find lots of great methods, I highly recommend it.

    Don’t despair, Matt, the feelings you’re having are incredibly common. It takes time to figure out who we are and how to connect, but with some practice and effort the isolation erodes. Namaste.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    October 12, 2013 at 11:26 am #43660
    reha
    Participant

    Hi Matt

    Loneliness is a horrible thing to have to experience. On the other hand, its better in some situations to be lonely than that of being in a relationship and still feeling lonely. Some of us don’t admit to feeling lonely, yet again, no matter what, the signs are so clear and transparent around others. You’re only 21 and have a future ahead of you. You will meet someone along your journey of life at some point or other. In the meantime, busy yourself. Get yourself motivated by doing things you enjoy. Life is all about ‘get up and go’. There are so many people out there who are lonely yet again there’s so many ways to overcome the loneliness and its not necessarily to find a partner/girlfriend or boyfriend.
    This world is beautiful and life is what you make it out to be. Focus on your education and believe in yourself. Being shy is good, but at the same time build up your confidence. One way of building up your confidence is going out and meeting people. This could be in the form of taking up some sport e.g swimming, badminton or anything you enjoy. I have a circle of friends whom I go play badminton with every 2 to 3 days of the week. Through this, not only have I built up my confidence, but I’ve also met some wonderful people.
    You will see a change in you when you start to challenge your own actions and push yourself to do things.
    I really wish you all the best and hope that you find the courage to go and build up on your self esteem and confidence.

    With love
    Reha

    October 13, 2013 at 6:37 am #43683
    Blueocean
    Participant

    Hi Matt,

    Don.t desperate, as they said , your feelings are pretty common, but it.s important that we connect with ourselves and know who we are, learn to love ourselves to feel good and complete even though when we.re alone. otherwise we can.t have healthy relationships. don.t jump into a relationship to don.t feel alone, you have to,learn that it.s ok to be alone and feel good.

    When you feel,better then it.s the time when you.re ready to open to a more intimate relationship, meanwhile, if you feel like to meet new people , take a step everyday, go to places or groups with similar interest and little by little try to say a simple :-hi, how are you- . just be natural .breath and believe you can do it.
    Have a great day and look up the good things you.re and the blessings around you.

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