[Sept 30, 2017]

What an eventful day for me.

I saw the Fireworks festival with Evelyn nuna today. It was so magical that I almost cried. I wish you were there with me.

Did you perhaps got to see the fireworks all the way from Daegu?

Probably not, right? Since Daegu is so far away from Seoul.

By the way, I saw the picture that you uploaded today.

I am well aware that you are concerned and stressed out about Korean Thanksgiving day next monday.

You will have to meet every single of your family members that will ask you stuff about college, when are you going to military, where is your girlfriend, annoying stuff that is none of their business.

You will have to meet your annoying aunt who is always giving you a hard time because she is jealous of you.

Jealous because her son is a loser while you are such a star at everything.

I have told you before and I will tell you once again : those people do not matter. they are just jealous. do not believe anything that they says about you.

You will always be Gyunnie, the most amazing and thoughtful guy I have ever known in my life.

Do not be too sad or stressed out, please.

Your life will get back on track next year once you start your new semester at your new university. Trust me.

It is killing me to see you being stressed out and having a very hard time. I wish that I can hug you for one minute and support you.

And give you tons of encouraging words.

This is off topic but today I heard in details about what happened to that girl that apparently jumped off from Liberal Arts building.

She did not die.

In fact, she was not even a student at our university. She was just some crazy girl that came from a rural area in China, making a fuss out of nothing because of a guy in our university.

She met him while the guy was doing volunteer work in China, out of 80 persons – she was one of his students.

She apparently liked the guy so much that she came Korea, and to our university looking for his information.

Of course, our university would never give out students personal information to anyone. Let alone a crazy girl like her that came from China.

She climbed up the top of the Arts building and threatened to jump if the guy does not come.

The poor guy ended up coming. They talked for 4 hours, but the girl jumped off anyways because the guy does not like her or even know her that well.

The girl survived because the police had a mattress set up already.

What a disgusting and selfish girl.

How dare she came into one of Korea`s prestige university and disturbed the students?

More than that, I am very mad. How can she did such awful things to a guy that she apparently loves?

HOW?

I was so mad and dumb founded that I had to take a walk for 40 minutes to calm myself down today.

She just embarrassed the person that she loves, and even gave him a huge personal mental scar to him for the rest of his life.

I feel so so sorry to him.

I wish that the girl had died now. She does not deserve to live for doing such things to the person that she loves.

It is the most cruel and selfish thing I have ever heard in my life that you can do to anyone.

Our university and the guy decided not to sue, If I were them – I would.

I would never be able to forgive such things.

Imagining Mina doing that to Gyunnie …. makes me shiver in fear.

I would rather hurt myself than hurting you. I would rather die and suffer alone than letting you see me dying in front of your eyes.

How can she that claim that she loves him after what she did?

It is not love to me. I think she has some serious mental issues.

Sorry for sounding really angry 🙁

Not really in the right mind due to that news.

Love always,

-Mina x

P.s : for everyone who is reading this and wondering what kind of picture that Gyunnie uploaded, he uploaded a picture basically saying how much money he would get if everyone asks those very basic questions during family gathering such as,

1. Asking about when he will go to college (100$)

2. Asking about girlfriend / dating life ($150)

3. Asking about when he will go to his military service ($150)

4. Asking about what he will do in his future career ($500)

He was being sarcastic that he is selling those “worry” that people over him according to that price.

Anita,

Thanks for the feedback for yesterday`s letter.

I think I should make it clearer that what I have wrote above is only an example.

The picture that Gyunnie uploaded was not something that he made by himself.

It was just a regular picture taken from the internet being used by some Koreans when Thanksgiving day is coming, maybe since there are cultural differences between us, it is very common here in Korea and any East Asia culture that once you meet your family – you can ask things like weight, college, marriage, dating, or jobs. It is a part of our culture and it is considered NORMAL.

I will post what he uploaded exactly yesterday :

The Tittle : The Menu of Nagging during Chusok (Korean thanksgiving) 

– Are you thinking about college? (50.000won)

-Please lose some weight (100.000won)

– Are you currently dating? (100.000won)

-When are you going to go to the military? (150.000won)

-When are you going to graduate? (150.000)

-Are you thinking about employment right now? (200.000 won)

-How much yearly salary are you getting? (250.000won)

– Isnt it time for you to get married? (300.000 won)

– Isnt it time for you to have kids? (500.000 won)

He is basically “selling” those concerns that people had for him that they expressed by asking personal questions. He was not serious, obviously and these things will never meant to be implemented in real life. Who will will buy such things? I would not. He was just being bitter and sarcastic about upcoming Thanksgiving day.

That is exactly what he posted. Some of them are not relatable for his situation (kids, yearly salary etc)

But young people these days find it quite uncomfortable for obvious reasons. Even I get uncomfortable when people ask such questions, let alone Gyunnie who is somehow going into the “unpopular road” here in Korea.

Out of SKY Uni – he got accepted into K University.

Now he is moving to Y University.

People find it very odd, that he is moving to a college that has the same exact standards as his previous university.

Like moving from Stanford to Yale.

I have never mentioned this but Gyunnie is an only kid which makes him the only son. In Korea society, having sons is somehow better than daughters.

He has a lot of expectations on his shoulders from his parents and family as the only son.

I think that is the main reason why he puts so much pressure on himself to be perfect.

He told me once that the day before the SAT, he could not sleep at all. He prepared that exam for 3 years. He can only slept after his mom lowered her expectations by saying that “It is ok to fail, Gyun-ah.”

He ended up getting #1 on that SAT exams.

He was a very good student but he did not have a good relationship with most of his teachers.

From what he had described, most of his teachers are just super subjective in grading. and too religious for his preference.

He spent his teenage years (12-18) in China. He went into a top international school there, with only 20 students per year – though he made a lot of good friends.

Imagine moving from his high school to K University that has 15.000 students per year. His major itself has around 500 students per year.

I think Gyunnie had a very rough transition from high school to college.

He is “shaking” a lot. In Korea, these are not good signs. People who were a good student and good son is expected to continue their roles like that forever.

His parents has a lot of concerns regarding moving college and military service as well.

He is losing time, and they are losing money.

Gyunnie is not in the best situation in his life right now. People are probably criticising him for being so unstable, one of the biggest sign is him letting K University go (from their perspective)

I can go into more details about his family stuff if you want, in my next reply to you.

But now, I can see why he was not happy in K University.

I noticed now that he never really made any comments or remarks about his friends from K Uni. Most of his friends that he talked about and introduced to me were his high school friends.

I tried to find out from my other friend in Business major, he said that Gyunnie has quite a lot of friends. Not to mention being in student council is a huge deal as well.

I feel like he did not have any problems in his social life but he had mentioned and expressed a few times that he does not feel like he got along with them very well deep down inside.

Like his personality and their personality is way too different.

But I mean out of 500 students, what can you expect? You cannot get along with everyone.

I noticed that he has a small group of friends (2 girls, 3 guys including him) before I dated him.

But when I started dating him, he never once talked about them. They seemed quite close in my eyes, they even went to see Cherry Blossom together.

I asked him about them and he said that they are close but not that close.

I feel like Gyunnie put quite a distance between him and Business school people.

I asked our mutual friend that introduced me and Gyunnie, he said that he only met Gyunnie outside school to drink once.

Later I found out that they aren’t even that close, and they actually kinda got closer because of me.

I feel kind of guilty for not really seeing his struggles now.

Gyunnie was forcing himself to be nice to gain friends that does not even understand or get along with him very well.

I think in K University, he only has less than 10 people that he can really trust.

Now that I think about it, I was probably his best friend in K University.

I was the first person that he told in K University that he is moving, later on he finally told his “close” friends which is like 3-4 people that he is moving.

From the outside he seems like he has tons of friends but not a lot that he genuinely likes.

-Mina

Anita,

Thanks for understanding.

I think you completely understand the reason why we aren’t together at this very moment.

We are both suffering from our parents and society expectations of us. His issues goes deeper than just a simple college moving.

Your fantasy sounds … exactly like a fantasy. Something that only exists somewhere, maybe in our next life.

Maybe there isnt such a thing as past or next life but if there is – I am praying that we can meet like that.

That is why I was very angry and still angry at God in a sense, because I met him in a such difficult situation.

That we had to part because of everything in our life.

I cannot help to think that just like how Romeo and Juliets love was separated because of the family, and how Jack and Rose (Titanic)s love was separated because of death.

Me and Gyunnie, we are being separated by an ocean of expectations.

Our love will go on, even if we are not together anymore.

Do you understand what I mean by that sentence above?

It is a figurative expressions. Because the term “love” itself never ended for me or him.

It was cut off not ended. It is different from ending it.

I will always have a special place for him, maybe as a fond memory or someone that I respected.

P.s : It was very comforting, reading your fantasy for us. I wish that your fantasy would come true one day for us. I really hope so.

-Mina

• This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by Mina.
• This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by Mina.

[Oct 2nd, 2017]

Gyunnie,

I am very lonely these days.

I miss you very much.

Are you well? I hope that you are eating and taking care of your health.

I hope that I can talk to you. or see you in person.

I feel like dying.

I feel very lost.

I lost the love of my life, I lost my spirit to live, I basically lost everything.

I do not know what am I doing with my life.

Gyunnie, is it possible for me to see you for one day?

To go back, pretending like we were still together as a couple.

For just one day.

My birthday is less than one month away, I think receiving a birthday message from you would be the best gift to me.

I am not hoping for anything, and you might forget my birthday as you are very busy with life but I am praying everyday that you would remember and say something to me.

I won’t ask for any birthday present except for your sincere wishes to me.

That is it.

No new clothes, no new phone, nothing – except for you well wishes to me.

I only need that.

Tomorrow, maybe I will go to my favourite place in Seoul.

The airport! I am leaving for London in 84 days. Still a long way to go, I know babe. But I love going to the airport.

It is a little escape place for me.

I want to share my favourite song with you today :

“You have suffered, do not deny it.

Just let go, your heavy load.

You have been through a lot.

Now, learn the ways to receive as well.”

I needed to hear those words from you.

I miss you so much, Gyunnie. I miss you desperately.

Everyday is hell, and everyday is painful. I am not living.

I cannot reach out to you as well, for obvious reasons.

My eyes are blinded and my heart is shallow.

It is just like staring at a burning river.

Well, maybe now, it is time to stop.

Love,

-Mina