fbpx
Menu

Dating an attractive guy has made me insecure

HomeForumsRelationshipsDating an attractive guy has made me insecure

New Reply
Viewing 4 posts - 16 through 19 (of 19 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #223899
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Hannah:

    “Why would he have doubted things if he loved me?”

    One reason may be because of the argument or arguments (“We argued because he did not seem to be putting any effort in to make me feel better about what happened”). Maybe you have unreasonable expectations of him, that he will make you feel secure and safe and happy, that he will take away all your concerns and worries- and he can do none of these things. Maybe he tried and it wasn’t enough and he was left frustrated, feeling not good enough, inadequate.

    Otherwise, I’d say that I do think you expect a guarantee where none is possible. A person cannot make sure the other will love you forever after, never leave you, and so forth, especially in a beginning relationship. You have to be prepared for the possibility that a new relationship will end, that it is not a sure thing. The “clean slate” you mentioned is not possible for you because of your anxiety. Even if he wasn’t active on the dating sites (and is no longer, I assume), something would have come up and you would have been worried.

    When anxiety is involved, there is no such thing as a clean slate, unfortunately.

    anita

     

    #224085
    Hannah
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I have taken some time to think about what you said.

    I have realised that I am not really happy with my life at the moment. My job has become mundane and requires little effort. It doesn’t challenge or inspire me. I don’t have much of a social life as all of my friends are in relationships and I don’t see them often. I don’t see my family too often as they are all busy with their own lives and partners.

    Because of this, I put so much pressure on every relationship I enter, as it becomes my favourite part of my life if it’s a good one, or a reassuring distraction if it is simply ok. I then become anxious that I’m going to lose the relationship and be left alone to realise that I’m not happy.

    I need to try and enjoy my life outside of a relationship and fill it with things that I cherish instead of simply focusing on the person I am dating and hoping that somehow they will fix all my problems and make me happy.

    #224187
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Hannah:

    I think it is good thinking on your part, to “try and enjoy my life outside of a relationship and fill it with things that I cherish instead of simply focusing on the person I am dating and hoping that somehow they will fix all my problems and make me happy”.

    If you could manage your relationship with this man so to focus on those other things with him as a partner, as a team of two, that will be wonderful, that is, incorporating him into your process of living a better life. After all, you need people, you need at least one close, active relationship in your life.

    anita

    #224655
    Sege
    Participant

    Hi there,

    You’re in a relationship with a great guy, very attractive as you mentioned, so why not sit back, enjoy it and see how things turn out? There’s no guarantee that any relationship will last, attractive guy or not.                             Also, you never mentioned how you knew he was swiping. Did you go snooping on his phone? You see, insecurity in any relationship is a huge problem, add low self esteem and it’s a recipe for disaster. Yes, he was wrong but he explained why and showed remorse, doesn’t that show some commitment?                                                                                                                                               Focus on yourself and learn how to be happy on your own terms while enjoying the added benefits of your relationship with this guy. Who knows, maybe he’s the real deal, maybe not. Give it a chance, that way you’ll know for sure.

Viewing 4 posts - 16 through 19 (of 19 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.