Dear Hannah:

“a man shouted out that his male friend found my boyfriend attractive”, you wrote. Next you wrote, “it has been playing on my mind .. that I am not attractive enough to be with him”-

whether you are attractive enough to  be with your boyfriend is not up to that man who shouted, a stranger to you and to your boyfriend. Nor is it up to the “Lots of girls (who) follow him on social media”. It really is up to him to determine if you are attractive enough to be dating you.

I suggest you don’t give strangers the power to decide for you if you are attractive enough for him. According to your boyfriend, you are attractive enough, isn’t it so?

anita

Dear Hannah:

You are welcome. Working on feeling that you are indeed attractive, worthy of the attention and love of a man, especially one who you believe is worthy and attractive, is a long term goal and process. For now, when you are with him and he expresses attraction toward you and he expresses the value he sees in you, let it soak in a bit, bit by bit, let it in. Take a deep breath when you find your breath shallow, when you feel tense, and relax. Think to yourself: he values me. He is attracted to me. Breathe in the thought slowly. And do it repeatedly.

anita

People are so different, you never know what love means to him, with short time. Maybe he says it very often and quickly for girls, he have met.  But try to concentrate on your intuition, what you feel, when you think about his intentions.

In some point, when we look celebrities or other couples, then attractive and ordinary people are very often happily together. Just stay confident and dont concentrate on others people opinions.

Dear Hannah:

I hope you feel better soon.

The reason he gave you, that “he liked the buzz he got from matching with people … found it hard to break the habit”- reads very believable to me, from my own personal experience. It really does provide that buzz for a whole lot of people, to interact with so many people, all interested in dating. No other medium provides such an experience. It is exciting especially for people who before being a member in a dating site had little interactions and little dating.

Pleasurable habits being hard to break is of course true to all humans.

Because the two of you started dating not long ago, maybe it is fair that you give him another chance to stop his online activity. This buzz it does not indicate that he doesn’t like you or that you are not enough for him. It is an excitement that he experienced before dating you and continued to seek. I hope he does disable or delete his profile or profiles on any and all sites and focus on you.

* I will  be away from the computer and back in about 15 hours.

anita

Dear Hannah:

You are welcome. I think it is a wise choice, to give it another chance. Tell him simply, honestly how you feel (or keep telling him). Ask him how he feels. See to it that the two of you honestly share and listen to each other, empathetically and respectfully. Make a habit of it and keep it going.

You will need to see, in context of the issue here, that he is motivated to not hurt you more than he is motivated to feel that buzz. See that he values you, cares about how you feel.

What lots of people do in a situation like this is pressure and threaten the other person. Not a good plan of action. All you need is to see if, as is, he cares about how you feel more than he cares about the buzz. So share with him, tell him how important it is to you that he no longer engages in that online activity. And do post here again anytime. I would like to read from you again and will reply every time you post.

anita

Dear Hannah:

You are welcome. Like you, he probably doesn’t want to feel vulnerable. You wrote that he is attractive and that makes you feel insecure, but notice this: many physically attractive men and women feel insecure too. They look at the mirror and they don’t like what they see, or they hear a compliment about looking good and they think something like: if only that person knew how ugly I am on the inside…

When you ask him a question and he doesn’t answer, maybe it is difficult for him,  better not repeat the same question, let it go. Later you can ask him another question that may be easier for him to answer. That other question and other questions in the future will eventually give you the information you need.

anita