I’ve been dating someone 19 1/2 years older than me for over 2 years now, and have some thoughts on why our relationship is working… I know this is a lot of personal info, but I hope you can find it helpful. This has been MY experience with a 60 year old (I’m 41). We met over 2 years ago, and I must say that he is the love of my life. Not without it’s challenges, but it’s worth it:

1. We are on the same side of having kids. If everyone is done, or everyone wants more, it’s fine. But if one wants a kid(s) and the other doesn’t, by definition someone has to change their mind. And that’s a HUGE compromise/decision to make, and it places an enormous amount of stress on an already potentially stressful relationship.

2. We are financially independent of each other. This was more important to him, but I get it. My SO is actually retired, and I have a job. We are in charge of our own finances; it helps him feel like I’m not with him so I can be supported.

3. We do not have kids together, and I do not rely on him for parenting my children from previous marriage. Although he is involved somewhat, and loves my daughters (7 & 10) dearly, he is not their father and thus does not feel the stress of being a step-parent because my girls already have two able-bodied parents. We call him a “bonus parent”…

4. We have fantastic chemistry. And I don’t just mean in the bedroom; but it does include the bedroom. This is very important because as we age sex changes. IMO it gets BETTER, but it changes. So, for example, what it takes for a 60 year old to be able to make love actually involves much much more of his BRAIN (kinda like us gals) and his mechanics are not as easily “ready for action”. For he and I, this just means that his mood greatly affects his desire, thus affecting his ability to perform. It’s not a problem, it’s just very different (for him) vs when you’re a 35 year old man who is “ready to roll” when the wind blows if you get my drift.

5. If you are attracted to each other, and it works for you two, it will be OK. There is certainly an initial period where you two (and other people) are getting used to the age difference, but when you’re in love it really doesn’t matter. Now I dont’ even see it and I kinda forget how much older he is than I. In the beginning, I got used to it a little by some light teasing (which is one way I cope with stress). I might way, “Gosh, you graduated from high school the year before I was born.” Or whatever. After a few weeks, he asked me to stop mentioning our age difference, saying “It’s apparent to everyone we are almost 20 yrs apart. Bringing it up, even with light teasing, is kinda like pointing out how short I am. Just because it’s true doesn’t mean we have to comment on it.” And he was right. From that moment on, I just focused on the fact that I love him and love being with him.

6. Other people may be surprised, or have a silly grin, or tease about the age diff, but it stops quickly. Since he and I are so comfortable with it, other people handle it the same. If we are relaxed and don’t make it an issues (which it isn’t), they wont either. And honestly, even if someone does, it usually stops pretty quickly. Like they get the hint that they’re just sounding petty and jealous. Which they ought to be because I’m fabulous:-) LOL.