Dear TinyBuddhas 🙂

To be honest, I have nothing to complain about. I found a job with very flexible work times, I have amazing friends around me and I feel like I’m mentally on the right track. I’m 24, soon 25, and have always had issues when it comes to romantic relationships. In my last and first serious relationship, I have learned a lot. After that, I had a sort of “friends with benefits” situation that ended not too great, but I’m acutally ok with it being over – we wouldn’t have had a future together.
I’m in a place in my life where I know I can enjoy sex without emotional attachment. Although I am a very romantic person, I guess.
My problem is, not knowing what my current situation is.
There is a guy that reappeared in my life after almost 2 years. I’ve known him for over 10 years, as he is a good friend of my best friends ex-boyfriend. Make sense? So I guess when I was about 15-16 I had a little crush on him, and I suspect he on me as well. But then we were never close and never saw each other apart from a social gatherings/parties.
So a few weeks ago, I saw on my facebook page that it was his birthday. So instead of writing on his “wall” I wrote him a private message. It was sort of an intuitive thing, I just randomly did it. We started talking and I was like “He is so cool! Why do we never hang out?”. So after back and forth texting we decided to get a beer because he works close to where I live. Before meeting for a beer, I drunkenly texted him on a Saturday where he was. He said he had been working and was on his way home. And I offered my couch or bed if he wanted to come out with me and my friends. He said no, but said he would come back to it.
So we met for a beer. It was great, funny, relaxed and there was a spark. But we both didn’t flirt aggressively, but subtly a little bit. So we said goodbye and went home. The following monday we met again, had some glasses of red wine. I wanted to accompany him to his train when all of the sudden he said “I could also stay at your place”. So long story short, we spent the night togehter and it was amazing. He did by no means rush me and I knew at any point I could have said “no”. I was totally up for it, too. But then again, it felt like it was all going very fast. Somehow we have a history, but honestly we don’t really know each other. Because I struggle with anxiety, the next few days were pretty horrible for me. Scared of the meaning of this, of being hurt, of losing myself in something too quickly.
He did signal me that was interested in more than a one night thing, texting me twice without me texting first (he’s not a big texter, like most guys). And on Thursday, he texted something really sweet: “In my opinion, we don’t have to wait super long to see each other again.” It wasn’t sexual, it was purely wanting to see me.
So Friday last week he came to my place, as I suggested. We drank wine, talked, laid on the couch, listened to music. Thought when he started to be cuddly, I froze. I am bad at intimacy on that level, on closeness aside from sex when I don’t know my feelings towards someone. He even asked “Do you mind me being like this?” And I denied it. The night was again beautiful, and the next morning was relaxed, we had coffee and cereal and he left around noon. Yesterday I texted asking how his weekend was going, he replied instantly and we talked a bit. He asked if I had time that evening, but I didn’t to which he said “pity.”
Ok so my main question is: I want to spend time with him apart from the bed, even though that’s wonderful. I want to get to know who he is today. I don’t know if I want a relationship at all right now, but I do want more than just meeting up for sex. How do I tell him? Or better said, what do I do to make that happen and make him motivated to suggest different activities as well?

Thank you for any advice and answer you could have.

TheDaydreamer