I’m 4 days shy of my 51st birthday, I’m an unwell man physically and mentally, with complex PTSD tainting everything in my life. Yet today I had the most “knock m to my feet” realisation and that was that my daughter was right when she walked out of my life at 18, citing me as toxic. I realised today I have blamed everything and everyone for just about every issue in my life. Now yes if you have some basic psychology understanding some of my attitude could come for post natal abuse. But isn’t that just blaming something else?

As I said it’s day one and I’m still shaking yet I’m feeling lighter. I wrote a brief text to my daughter thanking her for a very valuable life lesson that has taken me a long time to realise, prompted by loosing 2 partners this year and finally having a really good look at myself. My daughter is 24 now and will not respond to my message but I truly mean the thank you I sent her, and would do anything to have her back in my life. At least now I understand her decision.

Sorry I just had to share “put out there” my recent epiphany, like cementing a promise to myself that I will accept my part from now on and change myself accordingly.

With metta