December 22, 2020 at 11:48 am #371471
I’m 4 days shy of my 51st birthday, I’m an unwell man physically and mentally, with complex PTSD tainting everything in my life. Yet today I had the most “knock m to my feet” realisation and that was that my daughter was right when she walked out of my life at 18, citing me as toxic. I realised today I have blamed everything and everyone for just about every issue in my life. Now yes if you have some basic psychology understanding some of my attitude could come for post natal abuse. But isn’t that just blaming something else?
As I said it’s day one and I’m still shaking yet I’m feeling lighter. I wrote a brief text to my daughter thanking her for a very valuable life lesson that has taken me a long time to realise, prompted by loosing 2 partners this year and finally having a really good look at myself. My daughter is 24 now and will not respond to my message but I truly mean the thank you I sent her, and would do anything to have her back in my life. At least now I understand her decision.
Sorry I just had to share “put out there” my recent epiphany, like cementing a promise to myself that I will accept my part from now on and change myself accordingly.
With mettaDecember 22, 2020 at 1:07 pm #371496
Congratulations on your Day 1, and for accepting your part in your daughter’s decision to walk out of your life. I am glad you felt lighter for sharing, and I hope you continue to heal from Complex PTSD (a complex trauma that was inflicted on you in childhood, through no fault of your own).
I understand that you posted so to cement a promise to yourself. If you would like to post again so to express yourself further, and/ or to ask for input, please do.
anitaDecember 22, 2020 at 6:25 pm #371523
Day 2- a little lost and empty, but putting one foot in front of the other.
Thank you Anita for your kind words.December 22, 2020 at 7:56 pm #371527
You are welcome, Patrick. Congratulations on your Day 2.
anitaJanuary 5, 2021 at 10:33 pm #372271
meditating daily with Mooji, giving up smoking weed (30+ years). Getting up earlier each day. Preparing to return to Uni in March. Please don’t think of this as a success story yet or someone reading this saying “oh well, good for you, wish I could do that!”
It’s early days and it’s taken me 31 years to get to this point. Its also not everyones journey.
thank you for listeningJanuary 6, 2021 at 7:38 am #372286
You are welcome and congratulations on Day 15 !!!
Getting up earlier every day is not a small accomplishment! Returning to Uni in two months sounds exciting to me.
anitaJanuary 7, 2021 at 9:26 am #372368PeterParticipant
Well done Patrick!