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Dealing with a workaholic

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • June 12, 2014 at 8:41 am #58712
    Neko
    Participant

    Well, I broke up with my man 1 month ago because he totally had no time for me( we were in Long distance relationship). He worked in IT field so his work was so heavy. I felt neglected after few times he couldn’t make time for us even a text for me. So I dumped him. Since then we didn’t make any contact. I did email him once because I missed him but no reply. So I told my self to move on. It has been 1 month since then. I, my self, still keep in touch with his sister. His sister and I are good friends so we still chat sometimes. Recently, in our chatting, by chance we talked a bit about him. And I just realize that he has trouble with his life style.After the broke-up, he put his head more into work. He has nothing but work, he even doesn’t keep in touch with his family. He just works, works and works. Before he always told me that he knew that his work was over load, since his company had to cut off labors due to the crisis. So he had to work more, even no weekend( I knew he told me the truth, he never lied to me). I think he wasn’t a workaholic, he liked to hang out with friends and did something else for fun, but the job required him to work like a crazy one. I still love him so much so when I hear so, my heart is in pain because I realize how solitude his life is. Nothing but work not even family. I did dump him ( I wrote him an email to tell him if he still love me just email back to solve the problem but no reply) but now I can’t stand seeing him like that. So I feel so lost and don’t know what to do. I hope you guys can give me some advices. Thought I may not be back to him, but I don’t want him losing him self in work. it may be his choice, but how can I keep staring a person I love starts losing of many important things because of work. Any advice that I can do to help him see and show him things are more important than job like family, his life outside. Thank you so much.
    English isn’t my first language, but I hope you can get what I want to say.

    June 12, 2014 at 5:48 pm #58737
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Hi Neko

    Thanks for your post.

    Being a workaholic is not a disease or something to be ashamed of. However, if work starts to create an imbalance in other parts of the life, it can create a havoc.

    You did what you did. Your needs for a loving partner were not being fulfilled by this guy you were dating regardless of his needs or work commitments. So there is nothing wrong with the decision that you made at the time. But now you have started to develop self-pity and some sympathy for the other guy after hearing another side of the story from his sister.

    Often, we make decisions, which we have to regret later as when we make decisions, we do not take whole picture into account. We make emotional decisions as we are filled with anger, hurt, fear etc. We want instant relief from our sufferings and forget about the future consequences of our present actions.

    An email is not a proper way of breaking up or sending an ultimatum. If you have issues creep in a relationship, have the decency to talk to the person. Keep an open mind.

    The situation is not beyond repair in your case. Ring him and ask him what his issues are and what is preventing you guys from having a good relationship. And if after that, you realise that he is not the right man for you, have the guts to tell him that and end the chapter there. Do not keep going back to the past, yeah !!! When you finish with an issue, put a FULL STOP and move forward with your head held high up 🙂

    And one more thing: You are NOT responsible for other people’s happiness or lessons in this world or life. You can provide your perspective to him but you cant expect him to change or pay attention to it. That’s where your responsibility ends. At the end of everything, an individual has to make own choices as to what their needs in life are. We can put the food in front of a person but to chew it and take it to down to the stomach is their own choice, yeah ?

    Let the guilt go and embrace some lessons from this experience for the future.

    Loads of positive energy coming your way.

    Jasmine

    June 12, 2014 at 11:53 pm #58772
    Neko
    Participant

    Thank you so much for your advice. It helps me to find a way to deal with my problem and feeling. I has gone through the hardship of breaking-up but I accept it even the pain. I don’t blame anyone for parting because nothing lasts forever :). I will find time to talk with him about his bad life style but the choice is in his hand as you said. As for me, i will embrace more love for myself ^^. Once again, thanks a lot. Best wishes!

    June 15, 2014 at 3:14 am #58846
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    🙂 No worries Neko. Hope it works out well and here’s more love for Neko 🙂 ))))))) You are worth it all.

    Jasmine

    June 15, 2014 at 3:46 am #58849
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Neko,

    I’ve done workaholic things at times in my past. When I was into it, I did not have perspective about balance. Now, when feeling pressure to work extra, I stick with going to the gym…admitedly becoming a cross addition though.

    I understand your concern for him. As Jasmine wrote, you cannot be responsible for someone’s behaviors. You can express your interests to find common interests and the way you spend time. Most of all be sure to take care if yourself first.

    One learning which is a positive for your future – is to go ahead and have the uncomfortable conversation in a situation that is not working, it’s better than avoidance and can be good for everyone involved.

    Big blue

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Big blue.
    June 15, 2014 at 4:30 am #58853
    Neko
    Participant

    Hi Big Blue,
    Thank you for your post. It’s great that you can walk out of workaholic things. I’m happy for you. As I know, before me he was like that. He broke up with his ex because they couldn’t make time together( I guess it was the same problem ).I thought I could change him a bit but I was wrong. It’s clearly his choice, may be because I still love him that I feel sympathy for his life style. I know that all I can do is to let him know his trouble, but I don’t expect more than that :). I do accept the move on and I’m happy that I can find the advice here.
    Best wishes

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