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Dealing with change.

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  anita 1 week, 1 day ago.

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  • #172755

    Jared
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    So for about 5-6 years now I’ve had on/off again sleep anxiety. I guess you could call it insomnia, it’s the one thing that gives me the greatest amount of anxiety in my life.

    My wife and I also have two young children, who I love more than anything, and the last couple years have been the best of my life, with my sleep being relatively good for the most part.

    About three months ago I lost my job, and although we weren’t financially burdened at the time, it is becoming an issue now.

    Anyways, I’ve recently been offered a job in a remote setting. The pay is great, food and lodging is provided, and the amenities are apparently first class.

    Every rational thought in my head says take it. It’s a great opportunity to provide some financial security for my family. But the thought of not being at home where I’m comfortable with my sleep, and especially not being near my children has my anxiety in high gear. I’ve had 4 or 5 attacks in the last couple days, always at night. and I’m supposed to start this job ASAP.

    I know that my fears are irrational, I’ve been working on acceptance and allowance, but it’s just overwhelming me. If anyone here has had a similar experience, or any advice at all I would love to hear it.

    thanks

    #172761

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jared:

    You posted a year ago, October 2016. Your younger son is not a year old yet. You read like a dedicated, loving husband and father. I understand you not wanting to live and work away from them. It is for your benefit as well as theirs that you live with them. On the other hand, of course, there is rational to the need to earn money. You wrote that you work in industrial construction, does this mean that your next job is likely to be temporary, that the kind of work is such that different jobs are temporary?

    Your anxiety has been lifetime, as I understand it. It is a tough condition to live with. But healing and management are possible and you already experienced success in such, as in meditating. The condition of anxiety is such fear looks for and finds places to … nest, so to speak. It focuses on this at one point and on the other thing at another point. Because it is impossible to make life perfectly safe, income guaranteed, health guaranteed, safety guaranteed, there always is a nest available for the unsettled fear. Sometimes more than one.

    Understanding this nature of anxiety helps not focus on this or that life circumstance as the cause of the distress, but instead focus on the condition itself. Organize the circumstances of your life best you can to make life less distressing for you, and at the same time, expect anxiety no matter the circumstance.

    Keep good communication with your wife. Experiencing safety in your relationship with her is very important. Keep meditating- if it worked for you before, do it again. Be patient when at times it doesn't work as well as before.

    Post again, anytime.

    anita

    #172765

    Jared
    Participant

    Thank you for the response Anita, it’s exactly what I needed to hear.

    I remember now posting last year, and the fears I had with our second child on the way. The trepidation, sleepless nights. It’s pretty much how I’ve felt the last while.

    I remember that the fear went away with time, and I was able to move on and enjoy my life with my family.

    I just keep reminding myself that I’m doing this for my family, and that in reality I’ll likely be ok once I’m there and in a new routine.

     

    #172767

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jared:

    You are welcome. When you remind (and keep reminding) yourself that in reality, you are likely to be okay once you are there and in a new routine, you are calming your fear with realistic thinking. Thinking that is congruent with reality counters the distorted, catastrophic, all-or-nothing thinking that goes hand in hand with anxiety.

    anita

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